Ep #331: When You Think, “I’m Going to Binge”

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Alright, now today I’m talking about those times when you think, “I’m going to binge.”

This might happen when you’re around a bunch of food that you don’t normally eat, or when you’re about to eat something you’ve binged on many times before, or when you’re home alone, or in any instance when you think that a binge is bound to happen.

Binges have happened before in these situations so now, you’re assuming it will happen again.

You’re thinking history will repeat itself.

You’re thinking a binge is inevitable.

And if you’re thinking that, here’s what’s likely going to happen.

You think you’re going to binge so maybe you feel scared. And when you’re around that food, or eating that food, or are alone and you’re feeling scared about bingeing, what do you think you’ll do?

That fear might cloud your thinking, you’re not thinking rationally, you eat mindlessly, without thinking about your future self, and you keep eating. It turns into a binge, just as you feared.

Or, maybe it’s not fear. Maybe you just feel hopeless or defeated or resigned because you’re thinking there is nothing you can do. You think a binge is going to happen no matter what. And if you’re feeling hopeless, defeated, or resigned, you’re just going to give in to your urges and desires and not even try to stop yourself. You’re just going to let yourself do what you’re feeling driven to do and you end up bingeing.

What is so important for you to see here, in both examples, is that it’s not the food being there, or you eating the food, or you being alone that is causing the binge.

Those things are not causing you to keep eating and eating.

Your actions are not driven by your circumstances of the availability of the food, what you’re eating, or whether you’re alone or not.

It’s driven by how you’re feeling.

You are feeling scared or hopeless or defeated or resigned and that is why you are eating and not stopping yourself.

And the reason why you’re feeling that way is because you are thinking that you are going to binge.

You’re assuming that you’ll binge, predicting that you’ll binge, and basically you’re deciding that you will binge.

Now, you might think that you bingeing really is inevitable. You might look back at all the times when you’ve binged in those circumstances before and strongly believe that it will definitely happen again.

You have so much evidence to prove that this is what happens in this circumstance for you.

And you use that evidence to prove to yourself that a binge will happen again.

And then, once you tell yourself that a binge will happen again because you are in this circumstance, you feel scared, hopeless, defeated or resigned, so you eat and eat and don’t try to stop yourself, and a binge happens again.

But, it didn’t happen because you are in that same circumstance.

It happened because of what you were thinking while in that circumstance.

What started that binge was you thinking that a binge is going to happen.

You’re setting yourself up to binge when you think that.

You’re starting the process of bingeing when you think that.

If you were instead thinking that you will do everything you can do not binge in this circumstance, you would have a completely different outcome.

It is so important that you understand that it is not your circumstances that caused the binge to happen because if it was, then you’d never be able to be in those circumstances and not binge.

So then for the rest of your life you’d either need to avoid those circumstances, which is just not realistic, or you binge whenever you’re in them.

But neither of those needs to happen.

You can be in those circumstances, you can be around all the food, eat the food, and be alone and not binge.

And one, extremely important thing that you need to do in order to not binge in those circumstances is to not tell yourself that you’re going to binge.

Just because it’s happened many times before doesn’t mean it will inevitably happen again.

It will only happen again if you do the same exact things you’ve always done before bingeing, if you think the same thoughts you always think before bingeing, and if you don’t even try to stop yourself from bingeing.

You have authority over whether or not a binge happens this time.

Now, you might not believe you do. You might not believe that you can not binge in that circumstance.

And your reason for believing that might be because you always have before, or because you think you’re out of control and can’t stop yourself, or you think it’s too hard.

But, have you really always binged every single time you have been around that food, eaten that food, or were alone? If not, you need to stop telling yourself that it always happens. It doesn’t. There have been times when you haven’t and you need to start using that as evidence for what you’re capable of.

If you have done it before, you can do it again. That’s what you need to be telling yourself when your brain wants to use the past evidence to prove that you will binge. Find the evidence to prove that you’re capable of not bingeing.

And if you truly have always binged, and you can’t think of a time when you’ve been in this circumstance without bingeing, you need to explore why it happens.

And you’re not going to just say that you’re out of control. That’s not a suitable answer here because if you are out of control then there is no solution. And there is a solution.

So if you think you’re out of control, what is causing you to feel like you’re out of control?

One reason why you’re feeling that way is because you’re feeling an urge and you’re making the urge mean that you’re out of control but that’s not what it means. You can feel an urge and not eat. It’s possible. You could just feel that urge and not eat. That is an option.

The urge just means you are feeling sensations in your body and you are feeling driven to binge. You can just feel those sensations and you don’t have to do what you feel driven to do.

You might feel driven to skip work but, you don’t. You might feel driven to yell at someone but you don’t. You can do it with eating too.

You need to acknowledge that just feeling an urge doesn’t mean you’re out of control.

Because, if you’re saying you’re out of control just when you’re feeling an urge, you’re going to feel powerless and not even try to stop yourself.

And also, even if you give in to that urge and you’re eating and you’re not stopping, you’re still not out of control.

If you tell yourself you are, again, you’re going to feel powerless and out of control and not even try to stop yourself.

But we need to acknowledge the truth here too. You are not out of control, you decide to give in to that urge and you decide to keep eating.

It may not be a rational or conscious decision but, it is a decision.

You’re deciding to take the next bite, to switch to a different food, to buy food, to have just one more.

Lack of control isn’t the problem here. It’s lack of useful decision making.

So stop telling yourself you’re out of control because if you tell yourself that, you’re going to feel powerless and act out of control.

So, now you have actual solutions that you can work on to stop a binge from happening this time.

You can find the evidence that shows you’re capable of not bingeing in that circumstance and tell yourself that you are capable which will help shift you from feeling those feelings that come along with telling yourself you will binge to more optimistic feelings which will help you to not binge this time. If you are feeling more optimistic, because you’re thinking you’re capable of not bingeing, you will be in a mental and emotional state that will be much more aligned with not bingeing.

And you work on feeling through the urge with out eating instead of just telling yourself you’re out of control and then acting out of control.

You can also explore why you feel such strong urges to begin with and work on decreasing the intensity of your urges.

When urges are really strong, it can be more challenging to think clearly and more rationally and to think about what you can do to not binge. That’s why you’re thinking you’re out of control. It’s just harder to not binge, but not impossible.

And you can do something about this. You can decrease the intensity of the urges you feel.

You feel such strong urges either because you’re being overly restrictive with your eating or because you’re unwilling to feel discomfort and want to escape how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking.

So you can work on not being so restrictive and on feeling uncomfortable without eating.

When you do, your urges won’t be so intense and it will be easier for you to not binge.

And if you think that not bingeing, and working on these solutions are too hard, then you need to tell yourself why you are going to try to do it anyway.

You’re not going to let it being hard be a reason for why you’re not going to do it.

You have extremely important reasons to do the hard things so you can prevent a binge and ultimately stop binge eating for good.

Tell yourself why not doing the hard thing isn’t an option.

Doing the easy thing hasn’t gotten you to where you want to be so you’re going to do the hard thing, no matter how uncomfortable it is and no matter how much effort it takes from you.

There are things you can do, things you can tell yourself, tools available to you to help you prevent a binge from happening, even when you’re in circumstances that have been associated with bingeing in he past for you.

So instead of telling yourself, “I’m going to binge,” tell yourself what you’re going to do to prevent that from happening.

What can you do?

What can you try that you’ve never tried before?

What might help you to not binge?

What can you do differently this time?

Look for a way to change what you do this time so you don’t get the same outcome you’ve always gotten.

And if you have no idea what you can do, look through the 330 episodes of this podcast that came before this one and find one thing you can try.

And put in a solid effort to do it.

Commit to it.

And listen, if that one thing doesn’t work the first time you try doing it, do not give up and say it’s never going to work.

Look back and explore why it didn’t work. What can you do differently? What made it hard for you to follow through and not binge?

And then get to work on what you learned form that experience.

And if you look back and have no idea why you binged, and no idea what you can do differently, then I encourage you to get my help.

Come to the free training I’m offering next week, register at coachkir.com/training. Or, if you want more in depth, longer-term help, register for The Stop Binge Eating Program that will be opening next Thursday December 12th of 2024. You have options for help. If you are having a hard time doing this on your own, I can help you.

But for now, that thought, “I’m going to binge,” just needs to stop.

Replace it with, “I’m going to try and not binge and this is how I’m going to do it.” Then tell yourself what you’re going to do differently this time.

You can change how you behave in the circumstances you usually binge in.

It doesn’t have to be the same.

You can talk to yourself differently, do differently, and have a different outcome.

It is not inevitable that a binge will happen. Ever.

Alright, that is all for today and I will see you back here on the podcast and in the free training next week! Bye bye!