Ep #383: When You Think, “I’m Going To Binge”

Hi! Next week, I am going to be doing a free, 4 day Stop Binge Eating training. And not only will I be hosting this training but, I’ve also created an online community for people just like you, just for this training.

So you’ll be learning how to stop feeling urges to binge eat, how to feel more in control around food, how to stay motivated so you can create long-lasting success, and you’ll also be able to connect with other people who are going through what you are and who are working on the same things you are.

If you’d like to join us, go to coachkir.com/training to register.

The live classes will take place daily from December 8th of 2025 to December 11th of 2025 and the recordings of each class will be available until December 18th. The community will also be open until the 18th so if you hear about this after the training has started or after the live classes have ended, still register so you can access the recordings and the community.

Come spend the week with me, get 4 free structured classes that will teach some of the most important things you need to know to stop binge eating, and connect with other people who are working on this too. You are definitely not alone in this and you will see that during this week.

Alright, now let’s get into today’s topic – when you’re thinking that you’re going to binge.

Have you ever thought that right before a binge, or when you’re considering eating a certain food, or when you’re just thinking about and wanting to binge?

I had a coaching group not long ago where this thought, “I’m going to binge,” kept coming up in our coaching sessions.

It was like a binge was inevitable for them, like it was going to happen, and to them it was as if they were just telling it like it is.

It’s going to happen. And to them, there was nothing they could do about it.

So they’d think they’re going to binge and then guess what would happen.

They’d binge.

Just by thinking they’re going to binge, they’re setting themselves up to do it.

They’re basically making the decision that it’s going to happen. Or, they’re causing themselves to feel fear or panic about it happening, which then actually drives them to do it.

Now, there’s different circumstances where this thinking usually happens and there’s the times when they’re planning to binge because they want to, and the times when they’re anticipating or fearful that a binge will happen.

So let’s starting with planning to binge.

Obviously you don’t really want to binge, that’s why you’re here, listening to a podcast about stopping binge eating.

But if you’re like I was, there are times when you actually do want to binge, and you plan a binge.

You might plan it days ahead of time or right before you go and buy food.

Sometimes people know they’re going to be alone on a certain day and start to imagine eating a bunch of food that day. No one will be watching them, they can eat without judgement. They can do what they want to do and they want to eat a bunch of food.

And this is likely a reaction to being too restrictive with their eating while around other people. They try to be a perfectly healthy eater in front of others so once they know they’ll be alone, they start to plan for eating all the foods they hadn’t been allowing themselves to eat.

But it might not even just be that they’re trying to portray perfect eating in front of others. They could be forcing themselves to do it and they’re just seeing this whole day alone as an opportunity to let go of their food rules and let go of eating perfectly healthy and eat how they’ve been urging to eat.

For me, my binge planning was usually right before I’d do it. I’d get the idea in my head to go buy a few different foods to eat and I’d be imagining how good they would taste, how fun it would be, and how much I would enjoy it.

I’d build it up in my head to be this great experience.

And I’d be driving or walking to the store, anticipating the excessive eating and possibly even thinking that I was going to binge.

Now, of course I wasn’t thinking about the whole story of bingeing. I wasn’t anticipating that I’d feel awful afterward. I was just anticipating the excitement of eating the food.

And I do think that most of the time, when I was planning a binge, it was emotionally driven. I was looking for fun, that’s what I was craving. And I was using all that food for fun.

So the planning ahead of time could be a reaction to being overly restrictive or it could be emotionally driven.

And as soon as you decide that the binge is going to happen, you’re heading toward it.

You’re deciding you’re going to binge, you’re anticipating it, you’re visualizing it, you’re looking forward to it.

And when you’re in that mental space, it can be hard to change your mind, especially if you’re dead-set on this decision to binge.

Once the decision is made, it’s likely that it will happen.

Unless of course you have a moment where you come to your senses. That can happen.

You think, “I’m going to binge,” and then you catch yourself and say, “Wait, no I’m not. I don’t want to do that.”

It’s like when you think, “I don’t care,” but then catch yourself and say, “No, I do care.”

It’s possible but, most of the time it’s more likely that the decision has been made and it’s happening.

So you gotta work on prevention, and not getting to that point where you’re deciding to binge.

To prevent, you first have to understand why you usually make the decision.

Is it because you’re urging for freedom to eat however much you want and whatever you want?

Is it because you’re urging for fun, relief, relaxation, something emotional?

Is it a mix of both for you?

If you’re urging for freedom to eat however much you want and whatever you want, then you’ll prevent that urging by eating more of what you want rather than being so restrictive and trying to eat super healthy all the time.

Make space for those foods.

If you eat them more often, then you won’t get to the point where you’re urging to eat them.

There won’t be a build up of desire for them.

If you keep finding yourself urging for freedom, it means you’re not giving yourself enough freedom. You’re forcing your eating and denying yourself too much.

You urge for what you don’t give yourself enough of. When you are giving yourself enough of it, you simply desire it, not intensely but more lightly.

You just want it, you’re not dying for it.

And when you’re lightly desiring, you’re not going to feel driven to eat it excessively. When you observe someone who you consider to be a normal eater just eat a moderate amount and they’re done, this is why.

Eating that food isn’t such a big deal because it’s not something they’ve been denying themselves of and they’re not anticipating that they won’t be allowed to eat it again.

There’s a difference between not eating something and denying yourself. There’s a difference between just not eating something again and not allowing yourself to eat something again.

That denial, that not-allowing is going to create such different emotions that will drive you to eat excessively.

To that quote “normal eater,” it’s not such a big deal.

But to the restrictive eater, it’s a huge deal.

So if you want to stop being someone who plans for bingeing to feel free to eat, give yourself that freedom now.

And I’ve said this in previous episodes but it bears repeating. Giving yourself freedom after a period of restriction or before anticipated restriction is going to look very different than giving yourself freedom all the time.

So many people are afraid of giving themselves freedom because they’re afraid they will just eat everything in large amounts because that’s what they’ve seen themselves do so many times.

But that was likely freedom after a period restriction or before anticipated restriction.

Real freedom doesn’t drive that kind of reaction. It’s calmer, more relaxed, and when you’re in 100% freedom, and there’s no urgency, you’ll actually be able to access what you want and don’t want. And when you do, you’ll see that sometimes you don’t even want those foods, and you’ll see that you don’t want to eat in excess, and being in the state of mind you’re in, it will be so much easier to make rational decisions that align with your true wants.

So practice giving yourself the freedom now so you don’t urge to plan for it when you’re alone.

And if your urging is coming from emotions, you’re going to practice new ways of handling your emotions.

For me, when I was planning those binges, like I said, a lot of the time I was urging for fun. I was feeling bored or lonely. Some of the time I was feeling stressed or nervous and was urging for calm and relaxation.

So what I needed more of was intentionally planning for more fun. I needed to get in the habit of doing more fulfilling fun things. I needed to create more go-to’s rather than defaulting to eating as my go-to.

I also needed to practice allowing myself to calm and relax on my own without food.

So many of us are in such a rush to feel better so we look for the quick way out. But what we don’t realize is that if we give ourselves just a little more time, our brain and body are capable of doing that on their own.

If we create a space for calm and relaxation, our brain and body will calm and relax.

That could be laying down, watching tv, walking, meditating, something that can facilitate relaxation.

But doing those things aren’t guaranteed to relax you. Sometimes you do them and stay in a heightened state.

And if that happens, and you want to calm or relax, you can still do something to help that doesn’t involve food.

I would sometimes journal but not nearly as much as I should have. Because journaling, working through my thoughts, or just talking to someone would have been so helpful. It would have helped me work through what was going on in my mind and change how I was thinking, which would change how I was feeling.

That’s my go-to now. If I try to allow my brain and body to calm but they don’t, I write or I talk. It’s so helpful.

And because I have incorporated these new practices into my life, I emotionally eat way less than I used to and I don’t binge when I’m feeling uncomfortable emotions.

I don’t binge for fun either. And a big reason why is because I’ve intentionally incorporated big and moderate fun into my life. I’ve also practiced new go-tos when I am desiring fun in the moment and don’t have anything planned.

Basically, I’ve practiced different ways of taking care of my emotional needs and wants.

And I recommend you do that too so you’re not urging to binge when uncomfortable emotions arise. Create new go-to’s and allow yourself to be in the discomfort for a little longer so you’re not running to the quick fix of eating. The longer way is the better way and you can absolutely get through it.

So if you want to stop planning for binges, give yourself freedom to eat more of what you want to eat and practice better ways to get your emotional needs met.

Now let’s talk about when you think, “I’m going to binge” because you’re afraid that it will happen.

This usually happens when you’re in a situation where you usually binge, or when you’re feeling an urge to binge in any situation, or when you associate certain foods with bingeing.

You’re not wanting it to happen, you’re not planning for it to happen, you’re just expecting it to happen.

You think it’s inevitable because of what’s happened before.

When you’ve been in this situation before, you’ve binged.

For example, when you visit your parents they always have a lot of food around that you don’t usually eat and you end up bingeing.

Or on Thanksgiving or Christmas or at Super Bowl parties it’s the same – a lot of food you don’t usually eat and you end up bingeing.

Or whenever you’re around certain people it’s uncomfortable for you for whatever reason and you end up bingeing either while you’re there or afterward.

It’s happened before so you are already expecting it to happen again.

Or you might just be feeling an urge and think that if you feel an urge, you will binge. There is nothing you can do about it.

Or you have binged on a food so many times that you expect that you’ll binge on them if you eat them again.

In any of these situations, you think a binge is inevitable and that’s why you’re thinking, “I’m going to binge.”

“I’m going to binge because I’m in or am going to be in this particular situation or circumstance or environment.”

“I’m going to binge because I’m feeling an urge.”

“I’m going to binge if I eat that food.”

Again, you’re deciding that what has happened before will happen again and once you decide that that’s how it’s going to be, you’ll likely make it happen.

Your fear or panic clouds your thinking, you’re not able to be mindful, not able to think clearly, and you just react and eat, and binge.

Your belief that it’s inevitable makes you feel helpless or defeated so you don’t even try to do anything different than what you’ve always done, and you binge.

So rather than deciding that the same thing is going to happen again, decide what you’re going to do to create a different outcome this time.

It doesn’t have to be the same as it has been before. You don’t have to be the same. You don’t have to think the same.

So this time, when you’re going to that holiday event, what are you going to do to make this time different? What are you going to do differently? What are you going to think while you’re there?

That’s really the most important thing to plan – what you’re going to think. Because your thoughts will be the start of everything you do. You think, then you feel, then you act. So if you want to act differently, you’ll need to think differntly.

And that includes not thinking that you will binge again as you always have.

To come up with this plan, it would be helpful to consider why you’ve binged in these circumstances before.

Was it because you felt uncomfortable and ate to distract yourself or to comfort yourself?

Was it because you didn’t know how to handle being around all those different foods that you’re not used to eating?

Once you know, mentally prepare for it.

Starting now, before you even get there, practice feeling discomfort without eating. Any discomfort you feel, practice feeling it, even if it’s just a little bit. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become with discomfort. So when you get there, you’ll be more willing to just feel the discomfort.

You’ll be okay if you feel awkward, or if you feel bothered, or if you feel offended, or however you anticipate you’ll feel.

You can also come up with a plan for what you want to tell yourself if you do feel how you’ve felt before when you’ve been there. Or if someone acts in the way that bothers you. Or says something that bothers you.

Rather than anticipating that a binge will happen, anticipate what you will do to prevent that from happening.

Rather than visualizing you bingeing when discomfort happens, visualize you handling it in a productive way.

This time really can be different and you can decide right now how you will be different and how you will think differently.

And if it’s the food that you’re concerned about, this is a big topic so I actually want to encourage you to listen to a recent episode I did, #370 called “If This Really Is The Only Time You’ll Ever Eat This Food.” I go in depth in that episode about how to handle food that you don’t eat a lot of the time. I’ll put a link to that episode in the show notes.

But in addition to that, if you aren’t, on a regular basis, allowing yourself to eat any of the foods you anticipate being around, and you’re going from never eating foods like that to being surrounded by foods like that, then it’s going to be really hard to eat calmly and in moderation.

It’s what I was talking about before, where you go from not allowing to allowing and back to not allowing. You’re likely going to feel an urgency to eat a lot of what you haven’t been allowing and an urgency to eat as much as you can while you can, before you don’t allow yourself to eat it again.

Also, if you’re going in there thinking that those foods are “bad” or “dangerous” or “binge foods” or “forbidden,” and you do like them and want to eat them, you’re going to experience an inner conflict that will likely drive you nuts. You go back and forth between wanting them and telling yourself you shouldn’t. And this inner turmoil might result in you saying “screw it” and eating all the food, and bingeing on it, just to stop the back and forth, to stop the food thoughts, the food noise.

So what I recommend is that you, right now, start to work on how you talk about those foods.

Calling those foods bad, dangerous, binge foods, or forbidden is not going to guarantee that you wan’t eat them. It’s not as useful as you may think and you don’t have to label those foods that way.

You can just call them what they are. They have a name. Use their name. Nothing more is needed.

When they just are what they are, you won’t be adding fearful emotions to the food. One of the main goals here is to create calm around these foods and when you’re not labeling them in that negative way, it will help you to feel calmer around them. And if you want to not binge on them, feeling calmer with them will for sure help.

You’re also going to work on thinking in a more abundant way with those foods, which is something I talk about in that episode I recommended you listen to.

And one helpful way you’re going to do that is by not telling yourself that this is the only time you’re allowed to eat foods like these.

Even if this is the only time you’ll eat these particular foods, you are allowed to eat foods just like them any time you want.

Allow that, and mean it.

Because if there is no time limit, there is no urgency.

You can eat chips again, pie again, cake again, cookies again, any of it.

And its so important that you genuinely do allow that for the exact reasons I talked about earlier in this episode.

So when you’re going into a situation where you’ve binged before, understand why you did, what led to it, and decide how you are going to think differently this time and what you are going to do differntly.

The same goes for when you’re feeling an urge or when you’re eating a food you’ve binged on.

It can be different this time.

You didn’t binge because you where there, or because you felt an urge, or because you ate that food.

You binged because of what you were thinking in those situations.

You can think something different.

You don’t have to give up on yourself.

You don’t have to give up on yourself when you’re feeling an urge or when you’re eating a food that you’ve binged on before.

If you’ve listened to episodes of this podcast, you’ve learned so many things you can do to help yourself. Commit to doing them.

Commit to doing the things I talked about in this episode.

You can allow the discomfort and work through it.

You can prevent urges to binge by taking care of your needs and wants when it comes to both food and emotions.

You are in control of what you eat and don’t eat.

You are in control of what you tell yourself and how you talk to yourself.

And again, you can be different this time.

Rather than deciding that you’re going to binge, decide what you’re going to do to prevent it from happening.

You can do this.

Believe in yourself.

I believe in you.

Now, before I go, don’t forget to register for the free 4 day training.

In there, you’ll be able to ask me questions and connect with a pop-up community of people who also binge eat and are working on stopping. You can also get help with everything I talked about in this episode today. This is going to be a great opportunity for you to get some help.

So go to coachkir.com/training to register and I’ll see you in there!

Alright, that is all for today. I’ll talk to you next time!