Ep #384: Don’t Try Harder, Do This Instead

Hello! If you’re ready to take this work to the next level, and want help beyond this podcast, and want to work with me directly to stop binge eating, then get ready because registration for The Stop Binge Eating Program will be opening in just two days, on December 11th of 2025.

I honestly believe that everyone is capable of stopping binge eating if you get the proper help, commit to the process, and are willing to do everything you can to make it happen.

And in this program, I will help you get to the bottom of why you binge, give you personalized strategies to help you stop, I will be committed to you and do everything I can to help you.

Now I understand if you’re afraid that you won’t be able to do it. You are not alone in that fear. So many people feel it.

But you won’t find out unless you try.

And if you’ve been considering doing this for awhile, maybe now is the time that you give it a try.

Maybe now is the time that you try something different because if what you have been doing isn’t working, or if you’re not progressing as much as you’d like, then you gotta do something different.

So if this is the something different you want to try, go to coachkir.com/group to get all the info about the program, to join the waitlist, or if you’re going to that webpage after registration is open, you can register on that page.

And if you have any concerns or questions, send them to info@coachkir.com.

You can do this, and I will help you do it.

We’ll be in this together.

Now let’s get into today’s topic – trying harder.

If the frequency of your binges isn’t decreasing, if the amount of food you’re eating during a binge isn’t decreasing, if you’re just not making the progress you want to be making, you might think that you just need to try harder.

That’s what I used to think.

There were so many times when I would get fed up with my bingeing and just tell myself I needed to stop and I needed to try harder to stop.

But here’s where part of the problem was.

My plan was to try harder at doing things that didn’t really work.

I wanted to try harder to stay within my calorie goal.

I wanted to try harder at not buying foods I usually binge on.

Those were my go-to methods because one, I didn’t know anything else to do. And two, they would work for a little bit but then I would binge. And I thought I was bingeing because I wasn’t trying hard enough.

But, they weren’t addressing the reason why I binged. I was just trying to control what I was eating without actually working on the reason why I was eating.

Because, I didn’t know to do that. I had never heard anyone talk about anything like that.

And another part of my problem was that I didn’t actually have a real plan.

Yes I wanted to try harder at staying within my calorie goal but, what was my plan for doing that?

Yes I wanted to try harder at not buying those foods but, what was my plan for doing that?

How was I going to do those things?

If it were as simple as just doing them, I would have.

But it wasn’t. Again, there was a reason why I kept going over my calorie goal and buying and bingeing on those foods.

And I don’t think I ever took the time to explore why.

Because again, I didn’t know to do that.

All I knew to do was to keep trying and try harder.

And it didn’t work.

It wasn’t enough to just say I was going to do those things.

It definitely wasn’t enough to just say I was going to stop binge eating, which I said to myself so many times without any clue as to how I was going to do it.

I didn’t need to just try harder at doing the things I was doing, I had to do something different.

This is something I see so many other people run into too.

They think they just need to try harder.

But that’s not what they need to do. They need to do something different.

Now, you might think that sometimes your problem is just lack of consistency and effort.

You think you need to try harder to do the work more.

But you actually need to understand why you’re not consistently putting in effort.

There is something that’s making it hard for you to do it.

And until you figure out what that is, and overcome that obstacle, it’s going to continue to be hard for you to put in consistent effort, and you probably won’t do more than you have been. You’ll just keep running into that obstacle and not do the work you want to be doing.

Something needs to change in order for you to do something different.

So you don’t just try harder, you understand and remove the obstacle.

Maybe the obstacle is that you keep telling yourself it’s too hard or too much work. Thinking it’s too hard or too much work is going to for sure deter you from doing it.

And you can either keep thinking that, while trying harder to push past it or, you can work on removing and replacing that thought so it’s not even an obstacle for you anymore.

And the shift could be something as simple as, “It’s hard but I’m going to do it anyway because it’s only going to get easier if I do it.” Or, “It’s a lot of work but here are all the important reasons why I’m going to do it.”

Changing how you’re thinking about it can make it easier for you to do it. So you don’t need to try harder, you need to overcome the obstacle, which in this example, the obstacle is what you’re thinking.

Another problem I see people fall into is them saying, “I just need to try harder,” without even knowing what they’re trying harder at.

It’s so vague. It’s just trying harder in general.

But without a specific goal, or a specific thing to work on, there is no plan and no focus.

This is like when I would just say I’m not going to binge anymore. How? What was I going to do? I didn’t know, I thought I was just going to do it.

But that is not the way.

Don’t just say you’re going to try harder. Say what you’re going to try harder at.

And then of course, get clear with yourself about why you haven’t been trying harder at that thing, what has been stopping you, and find that obstacle because that’s what you’re really going to try harder at.

I’m going to share a very common example of this with you that I hear from people.

They say that they need to try harder to not give in to their urges to binge.

But what does that mean? How are they going to try harder? What are they going to do?

When I’m picturing this, I’m imagining this person trying to fight harder and trying harder to willpower through.

And that is not going to work.

I mean, it could once in awhile, just like how setting calorie goals or not buying my usual binge foods worked for me once in awhile for me.

But this will not be the long-term solution. Trying harder to resist and willpower through urges is not what they need to be doing.

It would be so much more useful to understand why they’re giving in to their urges.

A lot of the time, the problem for people is that their urges are strong and they can’t talk themselves out of bingeing or can’t even, or don’t want to think about using the tools they know to use to get through it.

It’s not going to be helpful to just try harder to get through the strong urges.

It would be so much more helpful for them to understand why their urges are so strong and work on decreasing the intensity of their urges.

And they’re likely strong either because they’re being so restrictive with their food and the more restrictive they are, the stronger their urges are. Or, they’re not handling their emotions, they’re letting them build and build until they’re so tired of feeling them that they’re urging to escape, and that shows up as an urging for food since eating food is their way out of the feeling.

So rather than trying harder to get through the strong urges, work on being less restrictive and work on handling emotions by feeling and working through them.

That is going to be so much more helpful.

And if the problem isn’t that they’re so strong, and they’re actually an intensity that can be worked through in the moment, the person might just not want to because they don’t want to feel uncomfortable.

They shouldn’t just try harder at feeling the discomfort, they should understand why they’re so resistant and work on being more willing.

So, if you think you should just try harder, you shouldn’t.

Investigate what has been stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to be doing and work on what’s making it hard for you to do the thing.

Don’t just keep trying to do the same thing and saying that this time you’re going to do it.

Find what has been stopping you and do something different, or do something in a different way.

Practice different thoughts and different strategies.

There is something in your way and you can remove it to make this easier for you.

Alright, I hope you are seeing the disservice you’re doing to yourself if you’re just trying harder to do the same things.

And if you’re not quite sure what different things to do, or are having a hard time identifying why it’s hard for you and what you need to work on, I can help you. This is what we do in coaching. I help you to see things you’re not seeing.

So if you want my help, come join me in The Stop Binge Eating Program and again, registration will be opening on December 11th of 2025.

Go to coachkir.com/group to join the waitlist so you can get notified as soon as registration opens or, if it’s open, go to the page to register so you can get started with the coursework right away.

Alright, that is all for today, I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye bye!