Ep #284: Limiting Beliefs Stopping You From Stopping Binge Eating

Hello! Quick reminder that I’m doing a free workshop tomorrow called Drop Your Diet Mentality and it’s going to help you to stop obsessing about food, stop spending so much time worrying about what you should and shouldn’t eat, and ultimately feel less urges to binge eat.

If you want that, come to the free workshop or if you can’t make it live, there will be a recording available for a limited time but you have to register in order to access it.

The workshop is tomorrow, Wednesday January 10^th of 2024 at 3pm ET and you can register at coachkir.com/workshop.

If you want to stop binge eating your diet mentality needs to go and by diet mentality, I mean thoughts and beliefs about yourself, food, and your body that are causing you to have excessive restrictions which are leading you to feel deprived and feel urges to binge. So let’s work on getting rid of it together.

Alright, and now onto today’s topic, limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are beliefs about yourself that stop you from achieving goals you want to achieve, from doing new things, and from becoming the person you want to be.

It’s not that you can’t do these things, you can, you are capable but, your beliefs are stopping you from doing them or from even trying to do them.

Your beliefs are creating limits for you that don’t really exist. The limits are only existing in your mind because of these beliefs you have.

That’s why limiting beliefs are a problem. They stop you when you actually could keep going and actually could go farther.

They stop you because you are giving yourself reasons for why you can’t and, you’re believing that these reasons are factually true, when they’re really not.

We all have limiting beliefs sometimes, especially when we’re trying to do something that we’ve never done before or when we have tried and failed to do something before.

We might start telling ourselves that we’ll never be able to do it, that we’re not capable, that we’re not good enough, that we can’t, things like that.

Basically, we’re just coming up with some reason for why it’s not possible for us.

And we believe it.

That’s the biggest problem.

It’s one thing to hear your brain give you a reason for why you can’t and you come back at it with why you can.

But when you hear your brain say you can’t and you agree, that’s when these beliefs becoming limiting beliefs and limit what you do.

And they will in fact limit you because when you think you can’t do something, you’re not going to even try to do it. You’ll put in zero effort to do it.

When you believe those thoughts that say you can’t, you’re creating a limit.

You’re agreeing with this thought and deciding what your limit is, what you’re capable of, and what your potential is.

And it might not be true.

So many of us don’t even take a moment to question whether the limits we have for ourselves are really limits or if we just think they are.

Sometimes we think we know what we’re capable of but we’re entirely wrong.

We may look at a goal or a task or an activity and immediately think, “I can’t do that.”

And then we give it a try and we succeed. We prove ourselves wrong.

Now, sometimes we’re not and factually we’re not capable.

Like, am I capable of lifting 500 pounds? No. I could go and try my hardest and prove that I factually cannot. My body is not capable of that.

But what happens too often is that we think we factually can’t, that we are factually incapable, mentally or physically, without actually giving it our all and trying our hardest.

Instead, we give up before we even try.

Or we try a little and then give up on ourselves when we don’t do it right away.

Or maybe we try a bunch and give up on ourselves but, we give up before we try everything that we possibly can.

That’s what I see happen with too many people who have been bingeing for a really long time.

They try different things and when they all don’t work, they say they’ve tried everything and give up. They limit themselves by saying there isn’t anything else they can do, or that nothing works for them, and it’s not even true. There’s always something else and something that will work.

Or, and this one really gets me, they try something that does work sometimes, but also doesn’t sometimes and when it doesn’t work, they give up on themselves and say it doesn’t work for them when really it will work for them but there’s just something they need to work on more in order for it to work for them.

So often we want to blame ourselves and think there’s something wrong with us when really, we just need to make a tweak, or try something different, or try it a different way.

There’s a reason why you haven’t done it yet and it’s not because you can’t.

You can, you just need to figure out why you haven’t and work on that reason.

But you’re not even going to do that if you have a limiting belief that says you can’t.

As soon as you think you can’t, you’ll stop trying and then you for sure won’t accomplish what you want to accomplish.

So those limiting beliefs you have need to be found, acknowledged as untrue, maybe even proved to be untrue if you can find proof, and a new belief needs to replace it, one that expands the limit and gives you room to try something new or to try doing something differently.

You’ll start by looking for any belief you have about yourself that tells you that you can’t or a reason why you can’t. Or a reason that falls into absolutes like I never or I always.

Some examples that fall into the “I can’t, “I always,” “I never” category:

I can’t stop eating.

I always eat the whole thing.

I can’t feel uncomfortable feelings or urges.

I always binge.

I always fail.

I’ll never be able to do it.

All of those are limiting beliefs. They’re all either saying you can’t or saying what you always or never do, which implies that you can’t not do what you always do and will never be able to do what you never do.

Then there’s the ones that give you a reason why you can’t:

I’m a failure

I’m not good enough

I’m not strong enough

I’m too weak

I’m not able to change

I’ve been doing this for too long

You might think those are factual reasons but they’re not. Those are not reasons that are an inherent part of you that aren’t changeable. When you think that’s just how you are, you’re going to limit yourself. If it’s just how you are and you think it’s not changeable then you’re not going to try to change.

You’re going to think that way about yourself, feel bad, fell hopeless, defeated, ashamed, and then do nothing to change or to become better.

We tend to use our pasts to determine what we can and can’t do. But our pasts don’t determine that. They only tell us what we’ve done and we are capable of doing so many things we haven’t done.

All of us are.

So once you’ve found the reason for why you think you can’t stop binge eating, or can’t do whatever it is you want to do, ask yourself “why is that not true?”

We spend so much time finding the reasons why we think it is true.

But how about you take a moment to explore why it might not be true.

How about you find evidence to back up the belief that it’s possible you can do it.

Maybe there was a time when you didn’t binge for awhile.

Maybe there was a time when you didn’t give in to your urge and binge.

Maybe there was a time when you have changed, have done something hard, have stopped doing something you used to do a lot.

Maybe you could see that other people who have done it are really just like you.

Maybe you could see that if you practiced more, learned more, and got help it would make a huge difference and you could do it.

And before you start saying it was a fluke or you were lucky, it wasn’t and you weren’t. It happened because you made it happen.

You didn’t just make it through an urge to binge without bingeing, you made that happen.

So you are capable. You just need to learn how you did it and how you can repeat it.

I remember the first time I turned on my surfboard I had no idea how I did it and in my mind, it just happened. The board just turned.

But it didn’t. I made it happen. I did something that made it happen. I didn’t know what but, if I figured out what I did then I could repeat it.

So I asked questions and researched and learned how I did it.

Now, after that, did I do it every time? Nope, not even close. But now, or not now because I’m not surfing right now but when I am again, I’m going to keep working on it and keep trying and keep asking for help from people more experienced than me and keep asking questions and it’s going to be trial and error until I’m doing it more consistently.

Even though I haven’t been able to do it consistently yet, and most of the time when I try I fail, I’m not going to limit myself by believing that I just can’t do it.

I’ve seen so many people who have gone the longest they’ve ever gone without bingeing and then they have a couple days in a row of bingeing and then start with the limiting beliefs that they can’t do it and they’ll never have long-lasting success.

Come on! Those binges don’t mean you can’t do it. They mean you still have skills to build and something to learn. That’s it!

And if you’ve done other hard things, you can do this hard thing.

And if you stopped doing other things you used to do, you can stop this too.

And if other people have done it, you can too. You’re not as different as you think you are.

And with dedication and practice, you can stop binge eating. And dedication isn’t just dedication to learning and listening, it’s also doing, showing up even when it gets hard, and getting help when you need help.

When you do that, change will happen.

And you’ll prove your limiting beliefs to be wrong.

I remember one of my group members telling me that she couldn’t do more physically because of her size. She couldn’t be faster, she couldn’t be stronger. So she didn’t even try.

But then one day, someone challenged her at the place where she was working out and she proved herself wrong. She went for it because it was part of the work out and she did more, lifted more, and was faster.

Sometimes it’s helpful to have someone to challenge your beliefs, and that’s what I do all the time in The Stop Binge Eating Program with my group members. I call out their limiting beliefs and help them shift them.

But you can do it to yourself too. You can recognize your cant’s, alwayses, and nevers. You can hear your reasons for why you think you can’t and you can challenge them on your own.

You can find one reason why it’s not true.

Or even one reason why it might not be true.

You don’t have to try and do a 180 so you’re shifting into, “I can do anything I set my mind to!”

But you could find some evidence from you past that shows what you’re capable of, so you’re using your past to prove you’re capable instead of using your past to try and prove that you’re not capable. Your past can’t prove that you’re not capable because in the present and in the future, you can build new skills, learn new things, break and create habits, and change your perspective so you can do more than you did in the past.

Whatever it is you think you can’t do, it might be possible that you can.

Maybe you can.

You could learn to.

You could work on it.

It’s time you stop stopping yourself and stop limiting yourself.

You are capable of so much more than you think you are.

And that includes stopping binge eating and anything you’ll need to do to stop binge eating.

Whatever reason you’ve been giving yourself for why you can’t, it’s not true.

Whatever you’re saying you can’t do, you can.

Whatever you’re saying you always do or never do, that’s unlikely true, there have been times when you didn’t do it or did do it, and even if it’s true that you always or never do, that doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be for you.

You can change.

You just gotta stop limiting yourself and believing in limits for yourself that don’t really exist.

Find those reasons why you think you can’t, prove them to not be 100% factually true, give yourself a reason for why you can, and the prove to yourself that you in fact can.

Don’t give up on yourself.

You can do this.

Go do it.

Bye bye