Ep #275: Why “One” Isn’t Satisfying

Hello! For those of you who are interested in ending the year on a high note, and in feeling motivated and getting help with your eating as 2023 ends and 2024 begins, so you don’t let yourself go and binge, maybe more then usual knowing that you’ll have a fresh start on January 1^st, then you should definitely join me in this next round of The Stop Binge Eating Program.

Registration is opening this Thursday, November 9^th of 2023 and you can get all the info and register at coachkir.com/group.

And make sure you don’t wait too long because I will be offering a workbook bonus where I will mail workbooks for the program to those who register by Monday November 13^th at 5pm ET.

Bingeing through the holidays and waiting for the new year doesn’t have to be how it is for you this year. You can feel good about yourself, about your eating, and feel physically good too. I will help you do it and you can do it.

Alright? And now, let’s talk about why one of something isn’t satisfying, which will also apply to the times when you think two or five or eleven isn’t satisfying. Pretty much any amount of a food.

And when I’m talking about feeling “satisfied” here, I’m not taking about physically satisfied like why one isn’t enough to make you feel full. I’m talking about why one isn’t satisfying mentally, meaning it’s not enough for you mentally or emotionally.

When you’re talking about what’s satisfying or enough it’s so important to make sure you’re specifying whether you’re talking about physically or mentally because each will have their own solution.

Obviously if what you’re eating isn’t physically satisfying then you eat more. Simple.

But if it’s not mentally or emotionally satisfying, then eating more isn’t going to be the solution most of the time.

Maybe on occasion if you eat a little more you’ll feel satisfied and it will be enough.

But most of the time, it’s not the amount that you’re eating that is causing you to feel unsatisfied.

It’s either what you’re eating, what you’re doing while you’re eating, what you’re thinking, or you’re just not going to get what you’re wanting from food.

So let’s first talk about what you’re eating.

If you are wanting a particular food, and instead of eating that you eat something different, then it’s possible you won’t be satisfied because you’re not actually eating what you’re wanting to eat.

This happens often when people think that what they want is bad or they should eat something healthier. And of course, so much of this is tied up in wanting to control their weight to lose, maintain, or to not gain.

So instead of eating what they really want, they eat something they think is healthier but since they’re not satisfied, because it’s not what they really want, they either keep eating more of it to try and reach satisfaction or they move on to a different healthy food to try and reach it.

In the end, they end up eating more of the healthy stuff than they would have eaten of the not so healthy stuff.

Ultimately, it would have been a better choice to eat what they actually wanted than to try and be healthier.

And it’s okay to eat foods that aren’t the most nutritious. We’re allowed to. You’re allowed to. And sometimes when you want to, you’re better off just eating it instead of trying to eat something you think you should eat because it’s more nutritious.

Eat what you want, and enjoy the crap out of it. Because when you do, when you drop the guilt because you aren’t telling yourself you shouldn’t be eating it, and when you actually taste the food and squeeze all the pleasure out of it, you will be so much more satisfied by it.

Which is the second reason why you might not be satisfied. You’re not even tasting the food.

If you’re not paying attention to the food and aren’t actually experiencing the food then of course you’re not going to be satisfied.

With what we’re talking about here in this episode, which again is not physical satisfaction, you have to actually experience, be present with, and taste the food if you’re going to be mentally satisfied.

It’s like if you’re on vacation, you’ve taken a trip somewhere, and you’re not present the entire time. You’re on your phone and you’re basically mentally somewhere else. You’re not going to be satisfied by that vacation. You’re going to feel like you weren’t even on that trip.

So when it’s over, you want more.

But if you are present, you savor the experience, you pay attention, then you’ll be much more satisfied when it’s over and you’ll be more content with it ending.

So when you’re eating, give your food attention. You don’t have to be 100% present with it at all times, it’s okay if you’re talking with someone, doing something, reading, or watching something but, bring your attention back to your food every few minutes. Experience it.

And then there’s the third reason why you might not be satisfied with one, or however many you want to be satisfied with.

And this reason is what comes up most often for people who have a hard time being satisfied with one.

They’re eating what they want, they’re paying attention to it, but they still aren’t satisfied.

And the problem here is with their thoughts.

The problem is that they’re telling themselves that one isn’t enough. They’re telling themselves that they’re not satisfied.

It really is simply a matter of what they’re telling themselves about how much they decide is satisfying and enough.

So I want you to think about a food that you have thoughts like this about. What food do you think that one wouldn’t be enough? What food do you think you can’t be satisfied by eating just one?

Now, why isn’t one enough?

I asked someone that recently and they told me that it just wouldn’t be satisfying.

But why not?

And they couldn’t really come up with an answer.

That’s because there isn’t a reason other than they’re deciding it’s not enough.

There is no set amount for how much is enough when we’re talking about mental satisfaction.

You and I might be talking about the same cookies where you think 3 would be satisfying and enough and I think 7 would be satisfying and enough.

Why? Because those are the opinions we have.

We’re just making it up. We’re just coming up with a number and again, it’s totally just our opinion.

We have an idea for ourselves for how much would be too much, enough, and not enough.

And when you tell yourself that it’s never enough, then you will never be satisfied.

When you tell yourself that one isn’t enough, then you won’t be satisfied by one.

You’ll eat that one, the entire time believing that you won’t be satisfied by the end of that one and guess what, you won’t be.

And that’s going to happen every time you tell yourself you’re not satisfied.

You’re going to tell yourself you’re not satisfied, so you’re going to feel unsatisfied, so you’ll then eat more.

You feel unsatisfied not because of the amount of food but because of your thoughts. Food doesn’t cause feelings, your thoughts do.

So if you’re going to feel satisfied after eating however much you’re eating, even one, then you need to stop telling yourself it’s not enough.

It can be, especially if you savor and are present with the food.

Going back to the vacation example, enough, not enough, and too much vacation is also something we just decide.

You could have a long weekend, just one extra day off from work and think it’s enough time off.

You could have a whole week off from work and think it’s not enough.

You could have a month off from work and think it’s not enough.

And you’re making all of this up. You’re just deciding what’s enough.

Now I get it if there’s stuff you want to do on your vacation and there’s not enough time to do it all so you think it’s not enough but that’s not what we’re talking about. That’s akin to the physical satisfaction that we’re not talking about in this episode.

What I mean is that you have time off, you’re not working, and you’re mentally not satisfied with the amount of time you’ve had.

Is it because you’re not doing what you want to do but are doing what you think you should do like in the first reason from today?

Are you not actually intentionally enjoying your vacation and aren’t being present like the second reason?

Are you telling yourself it’s not enough, so you’re feeling unsatisfied with the amount of time and are for sure unsatisfied at the end?

So many of you are doing that with your food too.

But you could be satisfied if you decided, and believed that one could be enough.

That’s how people have one bite of something and are satisfied.

If I’m doing that, I decide before I even eat it that all I need is one bite. One taste, one experience of it will be enough. Then that’s why I’m satisfied after the one bite.

Now, I don’t always decide that. Sometimes I decide that 3 bites is enough, that one piece is enough, that 4 pieces is enough. And it’s not enough because it just is, it is because I’ve decided that.

So if you’re finding yourself thinking that one isn’t enough, or however many isn’t enough, ask yourself why and see what answer your brain gives you.

You can also ask how much would be enough. That could be an interesting and insightful answer too.

Maybe you’re telling yourself that you don’t know, or that it’s never enough, or maybe you do have a number and you can get curious about why you’ve chosen that number and if that’s the number that you want to be enough.

It doesn’t always have to be one, it can be as many as you want. It also doesn’t have to be what’s listed as a serving size. You decide how much is enough and when you do, you’re setting yourself up to be satisfied by that amount.

And lastly, there’s the fourth reason.

You’re not satisfied by what you’re eating because food cant give you what you’re wanting.

You’re eating the food to get something that the food isn’t going to give you and since the food isn’t giving it to you, you’re never satisfied.

I’ve had the experience before where I’ve looked at all the food I have and nothing sounds good and it’s because eating isn’t what I really wanted. What I really wanted was connection with a person, which the food could never give me.

Or I’m looking to be mentally stimulated. The food isn’t going to give me that either.

So often we look to food whenever we want something, when we want a feeling, and it’s not where we should be looking.

We’ll only be satisfied if we understand what we’re really searching for and then we go and get it for real.

Food isn’t going to make you feel true emotions and there is so much that food can’t do for you.

Yes it can fuel you, yes it can be a source of pleasure, but really, that’s about it.

It’s not going to solve your problems, it’s not really going to make you feel better, and it’s not really going to make you feel connected or happy.

So make sure you’re honest with yourself about what you’re really wanting so you can get it and be satisfied.

Alright so, if you’re not mentally satisfied it’s either because you’re not eating what will be satisfying for you, which means you’re not eating what you really want to eat, or you’re not actually experiencing the food you’re eating and therefore aren’t satisfied with the amount of pleasure you got from it, or you’re simply thinking it’s not enough and that you’re not satisfied, or the food isn’t able to provide you with what you want.

And if it’s your thoughts that are the problem, when you’re working on this, don’t take too big of leaps.

You don’t have to go from thinking it’s never enough to one will be enough.

You don’t have to try and convince yourself that one is enough.

Just be honest with yourself about how much you really think could be enough. And you also don’t have to be set on the idea of that amount being enough. It’s helpful to even have a bridging thought like “Three could be enough,” or “It’s possible that two could be enough,” or “I’m going to see if one can be enough.”

Give yourself some room to experiment. Be curious about what can happen if you eat what you want to and actually pay attention to it while you’re eating it.

There’s been so many times when my group members have participated in the Joy Food Eating Workshops within The Stop Binge Eating Program and have surprised themselves when they’re satisfied by less than they thought they’d need to be satisfied.

It’s so fun to see and for them, it’s really eye-opening.

It’s possible to be satisfied with less.

Okay, so that’s what I have for you today and before I go just a quick reminder that registration for the next round of The Stop Binge Eating Program is opening this Thursday November 9^th of 2023 and this is your chance to end the year having already made progress so you’re just continuing it into the new year, instead of starting over. Go to coachkir.com/group to register and I’ll see you soon!

Bye bye!