Ep #314: When You Know What To Do But Aren’t Doing It

Hello! In two weeks, on Wednesday August 21st of 2024, registration for the next round of The Stop Binge Eating Program will be opening.

And if you haven’t been able to make the progress you want to make on your own, I highly recommend you get my help.

If binge eating is having a negative impact on your life, and you know that stopping binge eating would make your life so much better in so many ways, I highly recommend you get my help to do it.

So many people who have gone through the program tell me they wish they had done it sooner because waiting to do it caused them to have to wait to make the progress they’re now making, which is so much more progress than they were making before.

So if you’ve been thinking about it, but have been saying, “maybe next time,” or “maybe later,” do it now. Don’t put off getting your binge-free life any longer.

When you get there, it will have all been so worth it.

So if you want my direct and personalized help, go to coachkir.com/group to join the waitlist so you can get notified via email and sign up as soon as registration opens. And if you have any questions that aren’t answered on that webpage, send them info@coachkir.com.

You can get out of the discomfort of binge eating and into the comfort of having your ideal eating habits. It’s possible for you.

Let’s work on it together, as a team.

Alright, and now let’s talk about when you know what to do but just aren’t doing it, which is something that so many of us struggle with and what so many people struggled with before going through my program.

They have so much knowledge, know what to eat, have learned some really helpful tools, understand what to do, but just aren’t doing it.

And there’s three reasons why. Either they don’t have the desire to do it or, they know what to do but don’t know how to actually do it, or they’re overwhelmed.

Let’s start with overwhelm.

Overwhelm will stop you in your tracks. It will usually cause you to freeze and do nothing.

This can happen when you have lots of options for what to do but you don’t know which to do first.

If you’re someone who has listened to many episodes of this podcast, you might have a lot of tools and knowledge but not know what to start with.

You just look at it all and think there is so much and you don’t know which to do.

So you do nothing, which is very common with overwhelm.

If that’s you, just pick something. Pick one thing and practice doing it.

And instead of jumping from one thing to another trying to apply everything all at once, just stay focused on the one thing.

You can’t do it all at once anyway, so just do the one thing.

Once you’ve chosen something to do, you can stop feeling overwhelmed by your decision and get to work.

Next, let’s talk about not knowing how to actually do it.

A lot of the time we know what to do but then we try to do it and don’t succeed.

Like, you may know to allow yourself to feel through your emotions instead of eating to distract from them but, when you try to do it, you don’t do it all the way through and end up eating.

You try breathing through it, you try telling yourself why you don’t want to eat, but eventually, you give in and eat.

This comes up in every single program I run because the people who are doing it aren’t able to see what they’re missing.

They think they’re doing it correctly but, they aren’t entirely.

And that’s what I’m able to point out for them.

I can see what they’re missing.

And most of the time, what they’re missing is useful self-talk and the problem is what they’re thinking while they’re feeling the emotion, or the urge to eat.

Just yesterday, I was coaching on a group call and my group member was telling me that she ends up getting frustrated with the urge to eat because it’s there longer than she thinks it should be and she gets anxious because she’s thinking she’s going to binge.

If you’re feeling an urge and now you’re adding frustration and anxiousness then you’re adding to your discomfort and prolonging your discomfort. You’re making it harder for you to feel through it.

And eventually, you might just give up because you’re not seeing progress with it. It’s not easing up or going away.

If that’s what happens to you, you need to change how you’re talking to yourself while feeling it, whether what you’re feeling is an urge or an emotion.

Your self-talk is either going to add to the discomfort or ease the discomfort.

And there’s so many times I see people not recognizing what they’re doing incorrectly around being too restrictive with food as well.

You might think you’re giving yourself permission to eat what you want and are allowing all foods but you’re not recognizing the moments when you’re actually not.

Sometimes we don’t see it for ourselves. But when we pay closer attention, or when someone else points it out to us, that’s when we’re going to become aware of it and be able to work on it.

There needs to be awareness of what you’re missing, or what you’re doing incorrectly, before you can actually do what you’re missing or do it correctly.

So if you’re doing this work on your own, and you’re having a hard time with succeeding when you’re trying to use the tools and tips you’ve learned, do a thorough examination of your thoughts and your self-talk because that’s where it’s going to show up.

That’s what I’m listening for when coaching my group members – unuseful self-talk and self-talk that is preventing them from doing what they know to do.

And again, figuring it out on your own can be challenging and that’s why I offer my help in the program. It’s easier to see what’s going on when you’re on the outside looking in, like when you can clearly see what someone else is doing incorrectly or when you can so obviously see when someone else isn’t seeing the whole picture. I can do that for you with binge eating. Okay?

But, you can do this on your own too if you become an observer of yourself, examine your own thoughts, and pay attention to what’s happening in your mind.

And then there’s not having the desire to do it.

You have tools to use, strategies to use, and maybe you even know everything to do and you’re not missing anything.

But you just don’t have the desire or motivation or drive to do it.

When it comes time to put it into action and apply it, you just don’t.

You think about it but then decide no, not now.

If this is you, there’s a few reasons you might be doing this.

One is that you don’t have a compelling enough reason to do it.

Doing things you haven’t done before can be challenging. It’s going to take effort.

And if you don’t have a compelling reason to do it, you’re not going to.

Or maybe you do have a compelling enough reason but, you’re not telling it to yourself in the moment when you need to hear it.

Instead, you’re thinking about how hard it is to not eat and how much you want to eat. You’re not telling yourself why you really don’t want to eat and why you want to do this work to not binge.

If you have a compelling reason to do this work but aren’t telling yourself what it is, it’s not going to motivate you to do it.

Your reasons need to be in the forefront of your mind, you need to be telling them to yourself, in order for them to have an impact on your decision to eat or not.

If you’re not thinking about it, it’s not going to affect your decision.

So think about it, on purpose. Tell it to yourself.

Another reason why you might not have the desire to do the work is because you don’t believe you can actually do it or that you’ll be able to consistently do it.

Basically, you doubt that you’ll be able to make any real changes in yourself.

If you don’t believe you can, you won’t even try.

You’re not going to have the desire to put in work if you don’t think it will be worth it.

We don’t desire to do things we don’t think we can do.

This is why it’s so important that you believe you can. And truthfully, you can. If you actually put in the effort, consistently, to do it, you can.

And you can be consistent if you stop quitting because of your self-doubt, and if you keep telling yourself why it’s so important that you do it, and if you uncover anything that you’re missing and commit to doing what you’ve been missing.

And a third reason why you might choose to not do the work to apply what you know to do is because you’re just telling yourself it’s easier not to. You don’t want to do it now because it’s hard.

So you don’t. You do what’s easier.

You don’t have a desire to do the hard thing so you don’t and you just wait for it to be easy.

But it’s not going to get easy unless you do it.

Things only get easier when we actually do them.

So do it.

Do it because it’s too important not to.

Do it even if you don’t feel like it.

Do it even if it’s hard.

Do it even if you don’t desire to do it in the moment.

That’s an option that not enough people choose. So they never do it, or don’t do it enough.

But people who are successful put in the work even when they don’t feel like it and even when it’s hard.

Because they know it’s the only way to change and be successful.

So if you don’t desire to do the work, check your compelling reason and make sure you’re actually telling it to yourself when you need to hear it, believe you can do it, because you can, especially if you aren’t quitting along the way, and do it even if you don’t desire to do it in the moment because doing it is your true desire. Do it anyway because even if you don’t want to do the thing, you want the result and you’ll be so happy you did it when you get the result you’re wanting. Your future self, who you will become, will be so grateful. Give this gift to your future self.

And if you’re overwhelmed by all the tools and knowledge you have, just pick one and get to work. Whatever you choose will help and it’s definitely more helpful than freezing and doing nothing.

And if you do desire to do it, and you’re really trying and applying but aren’t seeing success, explore what you might be missing. There’s something, so look for it.

And if you want my help finding it, as an experienced coach who has expertise in stopping binge eating, I will help you in The Stop Binge Eating Group Coaching Program and again, registration for the next round is opening on August 21st of 2024 and all the info can be found at coachkir.com/group.

It can be so much easier when you have help. So if you want it to be easier, get help. I will help you. I want to help you. I want to work on this with you. So let’s do it together.

Alright, that is all I have for you today. I hope this helps you to actually do what you know to do, so get to doing it and I’ll talk to you next time. Bye bye.