Ep #315: Figuring Out What You Really Want

Hi! Next Wednesday, August 21st of 2024, at 3pm ET, I’m doing a free training that is going to help you to stop binge eating.

It’s going to be packed with helpful tips that you can start implementing right away so you can start eating foods you love without bingeing on them, so you can stop binge eating even if you’ve been doing it for a really long time, and so you’ll have a clear idea of what you’re going to do to stop binge eating.

To register for the training, go to coachkir.com/training. It will be a live training but if you can’t make it live on that day, you’ll be able to watch the recording, which will be available for a limited time afterward. But you must be registered to access the recording.

So register now and then next Wednesday, you’re going to get so much good stuff that will help you to stop binge eating. It’s gonna be a really helpful training so don’t miss it!

Alright, and now onto today’s episode, figuring out what you really want.

Anytime you’re bingeing, you’re doing it because you’re wanting something. Sometimes, that wanting is more intense so it feels like a need. But you’re always wanting something from that binge.

It’s not just happening for no reason. There’s always a reason and you can help yourself to find that reason if you uncover what it is you’re wanting from the binge.

For me, when I would binge, I was wanting fun, connection, freedom, relaxation, pleasure, I was wanting to soothe myself, to feel better, those were what I was looking for the most in a binge.

And I hear the same exact answers from so many other people, along with some other answers.

You’re not just eating to eat. You’re eating with a purpose.

But so many of you have no awareness of the purpose. You don’t even know what you’re wanting from the binge.

You’re just doing it without any awareness of what you’re expecting that food to do for you or why you’re even wanting it.

And if you don’t know, then you’re never going to know how to stop desiring to binge.

And yes, all of you have a desire to binge because again, you’re thinking it’s going to give you what you want. Bingeing is a solution for you in some way. Although, as you know, it’s a solution with very negative consequences and sometimes it’s not actually a solution at all.

Sometimes, eating the food will give you what you’re wanting, temporarily. Like, you will get pleasure, enjoyment, you’ll feel free, you’ll feel relaxed.

But sometimes, you’re not getting what you want at all so you keep eating different foods, thinking that this food will satisfy you and give you what you want, and when it doesn’t, you try the next food, and the next, and maybe go back to one you were eating before thinking this time it will be satisfying, and it’s not.

I remember for myself, I would think I just wanted “something” but I wasn’t sure what. So I’d eat something, that wasn’t it, so I’d eat something else, that wasn’t it, and either I’d realize what was really going on and stop or I’d keep going until I felt way too full…and still feel like I never got that “something.”

If you’re wanting something but you don’t know what it is, don’t assume it’s food. Because honestly, if it is food, you’re likely going to know what food you’re wanting, or at least some categorization of food like I want something crunchy or something soft or something sweet or something salty.

But when you don’t even know that much, don’t just start eating food.

Start inquiring about yourself.

Take a moment and check in with yourself.

When you’re wanting to eat food when you’re not hungry, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to check in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re really wanting.

You might be really surprised by your answer.

A lot of you already think your answer is going to be, “I don’t know,” and ya know, maybe it will be.

But when you actually stop and ask yourself what you’re really wanting, a lot of the time, your brain will tell you.

More often than not, when you ask your brain a question, it’s going to give you an answer.

But when you’re not asking, it won’t.

So often when I’m coaching my group members, I ask them questions they never ask themselves and they realize things about themselves that they never knew before.

And it’s because they’ve never asked themselves that question so they’re never found the answer that is so useful for them to know.

Asking yourself questions is going to give you so much insight into yourself that you can use to help you stop binge eating.

When you know what you’re wanting from a binge, you’ll know what it is you need to do to stop binge eating.

When you know what you’re wanting, you can find suitable replacements.

If you’re wanting fun and enjoyment from eating all that food, now you know you need to find a different way to get fun and enjoyment.

If you’re wanting relaxation, you know you need to find a different way to relax.

If you’re wanting freedom, you know you need to give yourself more freedom with food.

That’s the restriction piece that many of you have created for yourself.

You’ve been overly restrictive with your food and you’re wanting freedom to eat what you want so badly, that you binge and get all the freedom at one time, instead of getting freedom all the time so you’re not dying for it.

And, so you’re not getting it all in now before you go back to being too restrictive again. You’re not going to be too restrictive again so you can have some now and some again another time.

And if you’re wanting to feel better, you know you need to find a different way to feel better.

And sometimes that’s going to mean that you’re going to have to learn how to go through the uncomfortable emotions you’re feeling now.

It’s not always as easy as just changing what you’re thinking or changing what you’re doing in order to feel better.

Sometimes you’re going to have to go through how you’re feeling now for awhile before the better feelings come. So you’ll need to be patient and willing to feel uncomfortable before the comfort comes.

There is always a way to get what you’re wanting from a binge without bingeing.

But first, you have to ask yourself what it is you’re wanting from eating all that food and have that awareness and understanding of yourself.

If you don’t, you’re just going to keep going to food because that’s what you’re trained yourself to do whenever you’re wanting that thing you’re wanting, and you don’t even know it.

Now, I want to say that if you do want to use food for the purpose you’ve been using it for, you are allowed to do that.

This is especially for those of you who want the fun, enjoyment, and pleasure from food.

It’s totally okay to get fun, enjoyment, and pleasure from food. That’s what joy foods are for. And we should be getting it even from the fuel foods we eat most of the time.

But it can’t be where you get all of it.

If it’s where you get all of it, or most of it, you’re going to be eating excessively and thinking about it too much, because whenever you’re wanting pleasure, fun, and enjoyment, you’ll think of food.

It’s also going to be really hard to stop binge eating because if you eat less food, that means you’re getting less fun, enjoyment, and pleasure and that’s not the goal here. The goal is to get the same amount, or more, by diversifying your pleasure, fun, and enjoyment. And getting them in ways that aren’t going to leave you feeling worse afterward.

But going back to what I said a moment ago, you can use food for whatever purpose you want to.

But, do it consciously and with intention.

Be aware of what you’re wanting from that food because then you know why you’re doing what you’re doing, and you can be totally okay with your decision to do it.

When you’re just reacting without awareness and without being conscious of what you’re doing, it’s possible you’ll regret it afterward, wish you hadn’t done it, and also realize you were never going to get what you were wanting from food.

When you think about it ahead of time, you can figure that out before you start eating.

So you can either realize that food isn’t the solution, or it isn’t what you want to be the solution, or, that it is and then feel really good about eating without regret.

When you want to eat when you’re not hungry, and when you want to binge, pause and ask yourself what you’re wanting.

What are you expecting that food to do for you?

Be willing to just be still for a moment and to inquire within yourself.

You can have understanding of yourself and make a conscious choice.

And you can have everything you’re wanting in the way you actually want it.

And if your brain does say, “I don’t know what I want,” or “I don’t know how else I can get what I want,” do not settle with “I don’t know” as an answer.

This is your chance to explore yourself.

To figure out what you’re wanting, grab a pen and paper and write about what’s going on with you in this moment. Write anything you’re thinking, anything you notice you’re feeling, have a conversation with yourself on paper, take some time to try to understand yourself instead of just jumping right in to eating.

To figure out how else you can get what you’re wanting, do a brainstorm, do research, actually take some time to explore options.

When you don’t know the answer, saying you just don’t know might be truthful but, it’s not useful.

What will be useful is opening yourself up to figuring it out. You might not know yet but, you can explore options.

There is something you want and a way to get it.

And, if how you can get it isn’t feasible in that moment, be willing to be without it until you can get it.

For example, if connection isn’t an option because no one is available to connect with you, be willing to just feel lonely. You’ll be okay. You don’t need to cover it up with food. You can feel this feeling. And you can make a plan right now for how you’ll connect when you can.

Whatever feeling you’re feeling, you can feel it and you don’t need to run from it by eating a bunch of food.

Or if nothing else that’s available to you right now sounds pleasurable, be willing to be without it right now. And like I just said, plan for near-future pleasure so you know it’s coming.

Know what you’re wanting and go get what you’re wanting, in the way that you want it.

And before I go, I just want to remind you to register for the free training I’m doing next Wednesday, August 21st of 2024 at 3pm ET. Register even if you can’t make it live so you can get access to the limited-time recording.

Alright, that’s all I have for you today, go get what you want, and I’ll talk to you next time. Bye bye.