Ep #312: Not All Urges Are the Same

Hi! In one month, registration for the next round of The Stop Binge Eating Program will be opening, on August 21st of 2024.

And you’re going to get everything you need to stop binge eating all in one program.

You’ll be able to stop searching around for answers and searching for what to do, spending so much time looking, because you’ll have The Stop Binge Eating Course. It’s going to cover all the most common topics that people who binge need to work on and there’s going to be so much helpful information, perspectives, insights, and strategies in that couse.

You’ll also be able to stop feeling lost and stuck, and when things aren’t working for you, you won’t be at a loss for why it’s not working or what you can do differently. With all the opportunities you’ll have for coaching, I’ll be there to help you with anything you’re struggling with, and help you get unstuck.

You’ll also get a supportive community and accountability which so many people find to be helpful to have as they’re working on big goals like this.

And, we’re going to do Joy Food Eating Workshops that are going to help you to change your relationship with food, especially the foods you usually overeat or binge on, and so many people who do these have had profound breakthroughs that help them to overeat and binge less.

There’s so much good stuff packed into this program and I will be alongside of you the entire time you’re in it. We’ll be working on this together, as a team. You don’t have to figure it out and piece it all together on your own. I’ll be there to help you do it.

So if you want all of that, get ready to join the program by first joining the waitlist. Go to coachkir.com/group and when you join the waitlist, you’ll be getting helpful tools and tips via email that will prep you for the program and help you to make progress before it even begins.

That page will also give you all the information and details about the program but, if you have any questions that aren’t answered on that page, email them to info@coachkir.com.

Over the years I’ve worked on making this program to be a comprehensive program that gives you everything I can think of that you’d need to stop binge eating, all in one place. Come and get it and again, let’s work on this together.

Alright, and now let’s talk about urges and how all urges are not the same.

I’ve talked about urges countless times on this podcast. I talk about why you feel urges, I talk about how to handle urges, and most, if not all of you, have probably tried to work on not giving in to your urges.

And when you do it successfully, it feels so good, you feel so proud, and not bingeing is always an amazing thing.

But not giving in isn’t always an easy thing to do. And also, it’s not always a necessary thing to do.

It’s not always necessary because for some urges to eat, if you give in, it’s not always going to result in a negative outcome.

So I definitely want to talk about that with you and then afterward, I want to talk about different intensities of urges and how you’re going to handle them.

I wish it could be as simple as saying, when you feel an urge, this is what you do.

But that’s not how it is because not all urges are the same.

So let’s first talk about the ones that you don’t have to not give in to.

When people learn about urges, they sometimes think that they need to never give in to any urges ever. But that’s not true.

Giving in to urges isn’t always a bad thing.

Sometimes, your brain is going to urge you to eat something and if you eat that something it’s really not a big deal.

You’re not feeling urged to binge, you’re not even feeling urged to eat a lot. You’re just feeling an urge to eat a joy food, in a moderate amount.

And if you eat what you’re feeling urged to eat, you will be fine. You’ll physically feel okay. It’s not going to negatively affect you.

Sometimes people feel bad if they ever give in to any urges to eat that they feel. They think they’re doing something wrong if they eat when they’re not hungry and if they eat in response to an urge.

But that’s just not true. Sometimes, it can be totally okay.

But it’s important that you’re assessing this before you eat.

Will it really be okay? That’s what you have to answer for yourself.

You assess how you’re feeling right now, you think about your future self and how they’ll feel and how they’ll be affected, and you decide if it’s a good decision for you to give in to that urge.

And sometimes, it might be.

Just a couple days ago, I was at my brother’s house with a few of my family members and they had cake. I declined it when I was first offered because I had eaten lunch not long before and wanted to give that food some time to digest before I put more food in my belly. Then, a little while later, I felt an urge for the cake.

It wasn’t super intense, it was just like a nudging. I was thinking about it, I was craving it, I wanted it. I also wasn’t hungry but that didn’t matter. I don’t need to be hungry to eat a piece of cake. I’m not going to eat that cake to fuel my body, I’m going to eat it for pleasure.

So I cut myself a slice, enjoyed the crap out of it, and felt fine afterward.

Giving in to that urge for the cake was fine.

I wasn’t feeling full when I ate it and I didn’t even feel full after eating it. I felt fine.

Nothing bad came from it.

So it’s totally okay to give in to urges sometimes.

You don’t have to not give in to every urge you feel.

Just make sure you’re assessing whether or not you have good reasons to not give in.

You’re going to make the assessment and decision for yourself based on how you’re feeling now and how you think you’ll feel if you eat it.

Now, what I’m talking about there, as I said, is an urge for a moderate amount of food.

But when we’re talking about urges to binge, those are the urges you’re going to work on not giving in to.

If bingeing is going to result in a negative outcomes, which most, if not all of the time it will, then you’re going to not give in to that urge.

If there will likely be a negative outcome, you’re going to not do it, not give in to that urge.

And again, you’re going to pause and think about that. You’re going to assess yourself and think about your future self.

And how you’re going to not give in to the urge depends on how intense the urge is.

You might have a mildly intense urge where you’re thinking about bingeing and you’re contemplating the idea of it.

If that’s what’s going on for you, you’re going to tell yourself why you don’t want to do it.

Your urge is telling you to do it and you’re going to tell your brain why you’re not going to do it.

You’re going to dissuade your brain and help it to see that not bingeing is the better idea.

Because the urge isn’t super strong, and the urge is more of an idea, doing this can work well.

But sometimes the urge is a bit stronger. It’s more obvious in your body and you can really feel the sensations of the urge. Bingeing isn’t just an idea, you’re not just thinking about doing it, your urge is being more assertive, persuasive, and kinda forceful.

And when you’re telling your brain why you don’t want to binge, the urge might just keep up with its pushing.

If this is what you’re experiencing, just telling yourself why you don’t want to binge might not be enough.

So you’re going to put your focus on the urge and how you’re feeling.

You’ll actively allow the urge and the discomfort you’re feeling.

What that means is that instead of conversing with the urge, you’re going to converse with yourself about the urge.

You’re going to talk to yourself about the presence of the urge.

You’re going to acknowledge that the urge is there, so you’re just going to acknowledge it’s existence. “I’m feeling an urge to binge.”

You’re going to accept that it’s there, which means you’re not getting mad or frustrated, you’re not arguing with it and fueling it, again, you’re not conversing with the urge, you’re just agreeing with your current reality. You’re feeling an urge, this is what’s happening right now, and you’re going to speak to yourself about it calmly.

This is temporary, you will be okay if you don’t eat, you’re just feeling sensations in your body, you don’t have to eat.

And you’re going to breathe, and if it helps to lay down you can lay down or if it helps to move your body in some way do that.

You’re basically going to let yourself feel the urge without responding to it and with your self-talk, you’re going to calm yourself and encourage yourself to just feel.

You can do it.

And then, there are the really intense, very strong urges.

When you’re feeling one of those, you’re pretty deep in feeling compelled to binge, the decision is pretty much made that you’re going to do it, and the drive to do it is strong.

Now, when you’re in this intensity, your rational thinking will begin to shut down. That’s what happens sometimes when we feel something strongly.

And if that’s happening, telling yourself why you don’t want to binge or going through the process of allowing the urge until it passes can be extremely challenging because you do need to be able to do some rational thinking in order to do either of those.

So for most people, if you feel extremely intense urges, what’s going to be the most useful is prevention. You’ll decrease the intensity of your urges ahead of time by practicing doing things that will help you to feel less intense urges.

And the two main things you’re going to do are not being overly restrictive with food and not avoiding feeling emotions.

You’re going to allow yourself to eat the foods you want to eat, with full permission, so you’re not feeling so deprived and restricted that you begin to urge for the foods you’re depriving yourself of and restricting yourself from.

And you’re going to practice feeling emotions so that you’re not urging for food any time you feel uncomfortable.

When you do those two things, you will feel less intense urges to binge which will make them easier to mange.

Now, you have to be careful with how you’re defining your urges.

What I don’t want you to do is to feel an intense urge, think you can’t do anything about it because it’s too strong, and then give up and eat.

I don’t want you to hear me say that you might not be able to work through the extremely intense urges and then you just don’t do it.

Don’t quit before you even try.

Try.

Because here’s the thing. You might think you’re feeling one of those really intense urges that I’m talking about but you might not be.

You might actually have enough rationality available to you.

You might be feeling a medium intensity urge that you can work through and allow.

You might actually have it in you to work through it.

But you won’t even try if you tell yourself it’s too intense and there’s no way out.

Don’t quit without trying.

And don’t try while being filled with doubt that it will work. That’s not going to be helpful either because you won’t be fully engaged in the prcoess.

Engage in the process. Give it everything you got. Again, don’t give up without giving it everything you’ve got.

Okay?

So, it’s okay to give in to urges when you anticipate that there won’t be a negative consequence. And really think that through honestly before you decide to give in to it.

And with different intensities of urges to binge, you have different tactics you can use.

You can simply tell yourself why you don’t want to binge and tell yourself the really important and truthful things that will happen if you do.

You can put your focus on the urge and feel it through, while using calming and encouraging self-talk.

And also make sure you’re being permissive with the food you eat and are allowing yourself to eat foods you want to eat and make sure you’re allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable emotions so you’re not urging for food when you feel uncomfortable or when you’re feeling so deprived and restricted and are urging for freedom.

And don’t give up just because your urge feels intense. Try.

Alright? Not all urges are the same so make sure you’re assessing your urges when you feel them and that you’re then doing the right thing for that urge.

And as always, if you want more in depth help with this or anything I’ve talked about on the podcast, I will help you directly in the Stop Binge Eating Program. Sometimes even when we have a lot of information, we can have a hard time actually applying it and in the program, I’ll help you to actually do it. It’s what we do in coaching. We uncover why it’s hard for you and why you’re not doing it and come up with relevant, doable strategies to help you. I have a lot of experience with this and I can clearly see what’s going on and what needs to be done. And I can do that for you.

So get all the info and join the waitlist at coachkir.com/group and registration for the next round will be opening on August 21st of 2024.

And if you feel an urge this week, take note of what kind of urge it is and practice doing what you’ve learned.

Alright, bye bye.