Ep #304: The #1 Reason Why People Don’t Stop Binge Eating

Hi! In just two days, on Thursday May 30th of 2024 at 12pm ET, registration for The Stop Binge Eating Program will be closing.

If you’ve been trying for years and nothing has worked yet, it’s time to try something new, and not a new eating plan or diet, it’s time to work on your thoughts and what’s going on in your mind.

So many people who binge eat have spent so much time focusing on controlling the food or focusing on manipulating their environment or their circumstances instead of focusing on themselves, and I did the same thing for years.

It’s when I made changes within myself that my eating changed. I think differently about food so my relationship with it has changed. I don’t feel urges to binge. I don’t obsess about food.

And the same can happen for you if you work on your thinking too.

So if you’re ready to do it now, and you want my help, register for The Stop Binge Eating Program by going to coachkir.com/group and if you have any questions that aren’t answered on that page, you can email them to info@coachkir.com.

And again, registration for this round is only open until this Thursday May 30th of 2024 at 12pm ET so if you want in, get in now.

This could be the something new you’ve been looking for.

Alright, and now let’s get into today’s episode, the #1 reason why people don’t stop binge eating.

For every person who binges, there are things they are doing that they need to stop doing in order to stop binge eating.

Everyone is different so not everyone is going to have the exact same reasons for why they binge.

But there is a lot of overlap, which people who go through my Stop Binge Eating Program see as they listen to other people talk about what they’re struggling with.

The two main things are being too restrictive with their eating and not being willing to feel through emotions.

But when we really dig into those two, there are so many things that could stop a person from being less restrictive and from feeling emotions.

Not understanding what it is that’s stopping you is of course going to prevent you from stopping binge eating because if you don’t see the problem, if you don’t see the obstacle, you can’t find a proper solution.

So if that’s what it is for you, it’s so important that you analyze yourself, your thoughts, why you make the decisions you do, and learn about yourself and really take in what you’re learning here on the podcast and see what might apply to you.

When you get those breakthroughs and aha moments, when you can really see what’s going on, it helps to steer you in the direction you need to go. This is something we do a lot of in The Stop Binge Eating Program because so many people just don’t see what’s really causing their bingeing and being someone on the outside of your mind, with a lot of experience, I can much more clearly see what’s going on.

So, that lack of understanding is for sure a big reason why people don’t stop binge eating.

And I’d say it’s right up there with the reason that I want to focus on today.

And I want to focus on this reason I’m gonna talk about because there are a lot of people that have the understanding, they see what’s going on, they have a lot of knowledge, they have the tools but, they’re still not stopping binge eating.

And here’s the simple reason why for a lot of them.

They stop believing in themselves.

They stop believing they can stop binge eating, or they stop believing they can do whatever thing it is that they need to do to help them to stop binge eating.

You don’t always need to believe you can get all the way there, you just need to believe you can do the next step, and sometimes, they don’t believe it.

I talked a moment ago about how you need to be permissive with what you’re eating and feel through your emotions and in order to do that, certain things need to be done, and they might not believe they can do them.

And when you don’t believe you can do something, you’ll stop trying.

You won’t put in effort to do something that you don’t believe you can do.

So when you don’t believe you can do it, whether it’s stopping binge eating altogether or whatever component of stopping binge eating you need to do in order to get there, you’re going to stop working on it.

And for most people, it’s not that they just stop believing and they quit altogether.

The belief comes and goes.

Sometimes they’ll believe they can do it but then, they lose their belief and are full of self-doubt.

And when that happens, they stop progressing, they stop moving forward toward their goal of stopping binge eating or doing what needs to be done in order to stop binge eating.

Self-doubt will stop you, plain and simple.

And the more you stop, the longer it’s going to take for you to get to your destination.

In order to make real change, and to create new habits, you need consistency and if you keep stopping, and you keeping quitting, even the little quits, you’re stopping yourself from being consistent enough to make real change.

So, the #1 reason why people who don’t stop binge eating don’t stop binge eating, is because they keep quitting on themselves instead of progressing forward and it’s happening because they don’t believe they can do it and have too much self-doubt.

Now, it’s okay to have some self-doubt. Most of us experience self-doubt when we’re doing something we’ve never done before.

But it becomes a problem when the doubt overtakes the belief that you can do it.

That’s when the quits happen.

And the quits might happen for the rest of the day, it might happen for the weekend, it might happen for longer.

You might start off the day full of belief and then fill up with self-doubt as the day goes on and quit at the end of the day.

So why does the belief decrease and the doubt increases?

It really just comes down to what you’re making things mean and what you’re telling yourself about yourself.

One of the most common things people do when it comes to stopping binge eating, is they make their past mean that they can’t stop.

They look at their previous failed attempts and make it mean they’re not capable.

They doubt they can change because they make their years of bingeing mean that they’re a failure and always will be and they’re unchangeable.

If that’s you, you need to know that your past doesn’t mean that. Your past means you haven’t been able to do it before, but it doesn’t mean you can’t in the future.

It means that what you’ve tried before hasn’t worked but that doesn’t mean that nothing will work.

Don’t make it mean something it doesn’t. Don’t create excessive doubt for yourself by making your past mean something it doesn’t.

Another thing that people do is make their binges mean something they don’t mean.

They binge and make it mean they’re not making progress and never will.

They binge and make it mean they’re out of control and can’t stop themselves.

But it doesn’t mean any of that.

A binge means you have something to learn.

A binge means that you need to implement something that you’re not implementing.

A binge means that you gave in to an urge and now you’re going to figure out one, how to not give in to your urges and two, how to decrease the intensity and frequency of your urges, which will make it easier to not binge.

If you binge, it doesn’t mean you can’t stop bingeing. You can. You just need more knowledge, or better strategies, or help with understanding why you binged, or more practice.

And if the frequency of your bingeing or amount of food that you’re bingeing isn’t decreasing it’s the same thing.

It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you can’t eat less or binge less, it means there is something that needs to change with what you’re thinking because your actions begin with your thoughts. And you can figure out what thoughts need to change and you can change them.

It’s possible.

But if you give up on yourself then nothing will change.

So please, don’t give up on yourself.

If you don’t know what to do, believe that you can figure out something to do either by researching or by asking for help.

And listen, if you figure out what you need to work on, and you do it for a little bit, and you see success, but then you binge, and maybe you binge twice, maybe three times, do not fill yourself with self-doubt.

Before those binges, you figured something out, and it worked for you, which is awesome, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s it and you’re done.

There might be something else to figure out.

One of my group members recently starting seeing more success because she was letting go of so many of her previous eating restrictions.

But then, she binged and began doubting herself.

She made it mean it’s not working and that she can’t really do it.

But no! Either she needs more practice with not adhering to her old, excessive eating restrictions, because sometimes they can creep back in if we’re not being diligent with managing our thoughts, or, there is something else that she needs to uncover and work on. That’s it.

Too many people give up on themselves too soon when things don’t work out as they expected.

Too many people doubt themselves when they’re not perfect.

Too many people stop trying because they think it’s taking too long.

Too many people stop believing in themselves when they binge.

You can’t do that if you want to get all the way to being truly binge-free.

Now, I want to be clear that I’m not telling you to never make mistakes.

You’re going to make mistakes. It’s likely that you’ll binge as you’re working on stopping binge eating.

It’s part of the process and you’re going to become better with each of those binges because you’re going to learn something valuable with each one. You move forward, have breakthroughs, gain insights, and learn about your patterns.

What I am saying is that you’re going to believe in yourself even if you make a mistake because mistakes don’t mean it’s over and that you’re incapable.

It means you have something to work on.

You’re not going to fill yourself with self doubt, tell yourself you can’t do this, and put in zero effort to do anything to stop your binges and to stop yourself from feeling urges to begin with.

You’re going to encourage yourself to keep going.

And you’re going to keep going.

Because there is no good reason why you can’t do it.

So if you want to stop binge eating, stop doubting yourself so much and quitting.

If you keep doubting and quitting, it won’t matter how much knowledge or how many useful tools you have. You wont implement them.

Believe in yourself more by telling yourself why you can do it instead of why can’t.

You do have reasons why you can. Tell them to yourself.

You choose what you tell yourself, how you speak to yourself, so tell yourself encouraging things.

And if you’re having a hard time believing you can do whatever it is you want to do, make your goal smaller.

Instead of looking at the big picture of stopping binge eating, look at just one thing you can do, one thing that will move you toward stopping binge eating.

Break down the bigger goal into something that feels doable for you.

I was talking with one of my group members today about feeling through emotions and we decided that she’s just going to focus on acknowledging the emotion she’s feeling.

She doesn’t have to actually feel it, she just has to acknowledge it, which is the first step toward feeling the feeling. You have to acknowledge it if you’re going to work on it.

And this is such an important and useful step because so many of you aren’t doing it at all.

You’re just reacting to how you’re feeling so the next thing you know, you’ve eaten all that food and you’re like, “how did I get here?”

Well, first, you felt an emotion but you didn’t take a second to even acknowledge it.

So that’s what’s she’s going to do.

And if after doing it she wants to eat, she can. She doesn’t have to feel through the feeling just yet. But she might choose to once she acknowledges the emotion she’s feeling.

But there’s no pressure to do something she doesn’t feel ready to do.

She believes she can acknowledge it so that’s what she’s going to work on now. And when she’s gotten better at that, she’ll move on to the next step and she’ll repeat this until she’s much better at feeling instead of eating and that will contribute to her stopping binge eating.

So find what you do believe you can do. Find the small thing that will contribute.

And when you do it, it might not mean it prevents you from ever bingeing but it’s a stepping stone toward that.

It matters.

And you can do it.

Never stop telling yourself that.

Even if you binge, even if it’s hard, even if you haven’t been able to before.

Stop stopping yourself with self-doubt.

Stop having little quits that stall your progress.

Keep going and if you get stuck, ask for help. It exists. And don’t forget that I can help you beyond this podcast with The Stop Binge Eating Program if that’s something you’re interested in.

And if you’re listening to this episode when it’s released, you can get started with the program now by going to coachkir.com/group and registration for this round will be open until Thursday May 30th at 12pm ET.

And also know that I will help you keep your belief, and help you to not fall into total self-doubt, and I will help you to not quit on yourself when you’re in the program.

But if now isn’t the right time for you to work with me, or if you’re listening when registration isn’t open, you can do something on your own that will help you.

Even if what you choose to do doesn’t get you all the way there just yet, do it anyway, practice it, get good at it, and then move on to the next doable step for you afterward.

You are capable and you will get there, one doable step at a time.

Don’t stop telling yourself that.

Alright, that’s all for today and I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye bye.