Ep #301: When You Can’t Talk Yourself Out of Binge Eating

Hi! In just two weeks, registration for The Stop Binge Eating Program will be opening for anyone who would like help beyond this podcast. You can work with me directly, get personalized help with stopping binge eating, and you won’t have to figure this all out on your own.

I want to help you to stop feeling so awful after binges, to stop losing motivation, to stop feeling super uncomfortable, feeling guilty about what you eat, feeling deprived, rebelling against yourself, getting frustrated with yourself, feeling uncomfortable in your body, feeling out of control, all the things that come along with binge eating.

Because when you get rid of all that, you can feel more confident, have more trust in yourself, feel better about yourself, feel good in your body, feel happier, experience more joy and comfort, engage in your life more, be more at peace with food, and so much more that comes along with a binge-free life.

That’s what this is all for. It’s to get away from the crap and get all the good stuff. So much changes when you stop binge eating and I can help you to do it.

So if you want my help, get ready to register on May 22nd of 2024. Get all the most up to date info about the program by going to coachkir.com/group and while you’re there, join the waitlist so you can get notified via email as soon as registration opens. And you’ll want to join right away so you can get started right away because when you register, you’ll get immediate access to The Stop Binge Eating Course before the program officially begins a couple weeks later.

And after reading through that webpage, if you have any questions that aren’t answered there, email them to info@coachkir.com.

If binge eating has a huge effect on your life, your life can be so much better without it. Let’s make it better together.

And now, onto today’s topic – when you can’t talk yourself out of bingeing.

Sometimes, when you’re feeling an urge to eat, or an urge to binge, or an urge to eat more, you’re able to tell yourself why you don’t want to, you’re able to tell yourself all the reasons why it’s a terrible idea and what all the negative consequences will be, and you’re able to then not eat and not binge. Sometimes, it can be that easy. If you make bingeing seem less desirable, by being honest about what will happen to you if you binge, then your desire to do it decreases and you can easily say no and move on.

But sometimes, it’s not that easy.

Sometimes your urge may be stronger, your emotions might be high, your thoughts about bingeing might be more incessant, and the urge and thoughts don’t go away when you tell yourself all that.

You might tell yourself you’re going to feel worse if you binge but then your brain might tell you that you won’t feel worse, or that it won’t be that bad, or your brain might say, “But I need this.”

The thoughts aren’t going away.

And if the thoughts about wanting to binge, or needing to binge aren’t going away, then you’re going to keep feeling that urge.

So when that’s what’s happening, when talking yourself out of bingeing isn’t working, I have two options for you that you can try instead.

You can physically do something or you can mentally work through the urge.

And I’ll explain what I mean by those.

When I say you can physically do something I mean that you can take deep breaths, you can lay down, you can move your body, moving it either by just shaking out your limbs and jumping, or by dancing, or running, exercising, walking, any kind of movement, so basically you’re changing your physical state to help to change your emotional state.

When you take deep breaths, it can help to calm your nervous system. Laying down, and also taking deep breaths, can help do that as well.

But on the flip side, so can moving your body.

Which works better is going to depends on whether you’re wanting to release energy or to just calm down.

When you’re wanting to eat all that food, you’re wanting something beyond just the act of eating food. You’re wanting to feel something different than what you’re currently feeling. Taking a moment to ask yourself what that is can help you decide which action would be the most helpful for you.

And if you choose something that doesn’t help, you can try something else. If you lay down and breathe and it doesn’t help, you can get up and move, or vice versa.

But what you’re not going to do is give up on yourself. You’re not going to give up on your truest desire to not binge and just binge because it’s easier.

You’re not going to take the easy way out. You’re going to take a moment to handle this on your own without using food.

So, as I said, you can physically do something to help you change your physiological state.

But you can also mentally work through the urge.

And here’s what that looks like.

First, you’re going to stop talking to yourself about whether you’re going to binge or not and instead, you’re going to talk to yourself about how you’re feeling, physically.

When you’re feeling that urge to binge, you’re feeling something in your body. Yes you’re having thoughts but, you’re also experiencing physical sensations.

Like when you’re nervous, you feel fluttering in your stomach.

Or when you feel anxious you might feel pressure in your chest.

When you’re feeling an urge, you’re feeling something in your body.

And you’re going to put your focus on that.

You’re going to look into your body and find those sensations.

And then you’re going to use calming self talk to acknowledge these sensations and be truthful about them.

You’ll be okay if you feel them, you don’t have to be afraid of them, they are just temporary, and they do not mean you have to eat or that you’re out of control.

They are just sensations.

And when you speak to yourself in a calm way when you’re feeling an urge, it can help you to decrease the intensity of your urge and of your emotions and when they decrease, it’s easier to think more logically.

So instead of just of focusing on whether or not you’re going to eat, you can put your focus on what it is that’s driving you to eat – those sensations in your body – and you can calm yourself and calm how you’re feeling so you can then think logically about what you really want and need and what you’re going to choose to do.

Now, I know some of you might have a hard time pin pointing the sensations at first, and this can happen for various reasons but if you’re having a hard time, like I said a moment ago, don’t get frustrated with yourself and quit. That’s not going to help you.

Close your eyes and look around your body for a little longer. You’re learning to do something new, and it might take time for you to be able to recognize the sensations in your body. It’s okay to not be perfect, especially at first.

So when you’re feeling an urge to binge, or to eat more, and thinking about the negative consequences of doing it isn’t helping you to not do it, physically do something or focus on how you’re feeling and use calming self-talk.

And before I complete this topic for today, I just want to talk quickly about prevention because really, the work I’m talking about in this episode today can be challenging, it can be challenging to not binge when you’re feeling an urge. So what would make it easier for you to not binge is for you to not feel super intense urges to binge to begin with. And you can do work ahead of time to prevent those urges.

And two of the most helpful things you can do are practicing feeling through your emotions and being fully permissive with what you allow yourself to eat.

Some of you feel those strong urges when you’re feeling emotional, and you feel the urge to eat food because eating is what you think will help you to manage how you’re feeling. But if you’re more regularly managing your emotions by feeling them through until they pass, then you won’t have such a strong urge to eat food when you feel emotions. You’ll be used to handling them in a much more productive and less harmful way.

And if you’re addressing your emotions as they come up throughout the day instead of pushing them aside and letting them build up, then you’ll be less likely to have such a strong urge for food as well.

And some of you feel those strong urges because you’re being too restrictive with your eating, so you’re not fueling your body properly, aren’t eating enough, or you’re denying yourself of the foods you like to eat and are only allowing yourself to eat healthy stuff. So then, you feel urges for more fuel if you’re under eating or you feel urges for those foods you really want to eat but haven’t been allowing yourself to eat. So, if you’re eating enough and are eating what you want, you won’t feel those strong urges. You’ll be regularly getting what you want and need and when you’re regularly getting them, you won’t be urging for them. Instead, you’ll just have a calmer desire or craving. I changes from “I need that,” to “I want that,” which is much less intense.

And one last thing, when you’re not feeling urges, when you’re just going through your day and you are able to think more logically, tell yourself over and over why you don’t want to binge, why bingeing is a terrible idea. Drill those thoughts into your mind. The more you drill them in, the less intense your desire for bingeing will be in general.

So you can do work to prevent those urges but also, if you do feel urges, and talking yourself out of bingeing isn’t working, you now have a couple other tools in your toolbox that you can use.

Alright, that is what I have for you today and don’t forget, registration for The Stop Binge Eating Program will be opening in two weeks, on May 22nd of 2024. Go to coachkir.com/group right now to get all the info and to join the waitlist so you can sign up right away.

Alright, I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye bye!