Ep #228: Controlling the Urge

Hi! Before I get to today’s topic I want to let you know that I’m doing a free training this Thursday, December 15^th of 2022 at 7pm ET. I’m going to be sharing with you 3 secrets you need to know to stop binge eating and it’s going to be jam packed with lots of helpful tips and step by step processes so you’ll be able to clearly see how you’ll stop binge eating once and for all.

If you can join me live that would be amazing because you’ll be able to ask me questions at the end and I’ll answer them live on the training and I’ll also be telling you about a limited time offer that will only be available for a few days after the training.

But if you can’t come live that’s okay, it will be recorded and the recording will be available for about a week so you’ll have time time to watch it.

So if you want to come live or watch the recording, you can go to coachkir.com/training to register, you’ll get an email with the Zoom info and once the recording is posted you’ll get an email with a link to that.

So set aside some time for yourself to check this out, learn some secrets, get some tips and actionable steps so you can stop binge eating and enjoy a binge-free life. What a life that will be!

Alright, now let’s talk about controlling your urges.

If you binge, you feel urges.

You feel this compulsion, this drive, this need to binge, there’s an urgency to it, and that feeling is what we call an urge.

If you didn’t feel urges to binge, you wouldn’t binge because there wouldn’t be anything driving you to do it.

And you can prevent yourself from feeling urges at all and I’ll actually be talking about how you can do that in the training this week.

So that’s something that you’ll be doing to stop binge eating, stopping creating urges for yourself.

And what you’ll also be doing is not giving in to those urges when you feel them which is what I’m talking about in this episode today.

Now, like I said, when you’re feeling that urge, you feel compelled and feel driven to eat but here’s what you need to know.

Even though you feel compelled or driven, that doesn’t mean you have to do it.

You can feel compelled to do something or driven to do something and not do it.

There have probably been many times in your life when you’ve done exactly that.

Maybe you’ve felt compelled to say something to someone but you held back and said nothing.

Maybe you’ve felt driven to quit something but didn’t.

And maybe there have been times when you felt compelled or driven to eat something and you didn’t. Or maybe you didn’t right away, you created space between the time when you first felt the urge and when you actually ate, which is great work if you’ve done that.

So until you stop feeling urges to binge, you’re going to not give into the ones that you do feel.

Now, when people try to do this, when they try to not give in to their urges, they sometimes try doing things that will make it harder for them to do it.

They get forceful with their urge.

They try to control their urge.

They’re doing everything they can think of to try and force it to go away.

I actually had someone tell me recently that their urges are just way too hard to control.

Now, I want you to imagine what that would look like, what it would look like to try and control your urge.

I imagine there’s some anger toward the urge, some arguing with the urge, some trying to will the urge away.

You’re not physically controlling the urge right? The urge isn’t something you can just pick up and move so it’s you trying to control the urge with your mind.

So to try and control it with your mind, you’re being forceful with your thoughts toward the urge.

Now, I like to compare our urges to binge to toddlers urging for something, like a toy. They’re urging you to buy them a toy.

What would happen if you were verbally forceful with that urging toddler? If you argue with them or get angry with them? Is that going to make them go away and stop urging you?

Doubtful.

And it’s probably not going to work with your urge either.

So when this person told me their urges are too hard to control, I told them that’s not what they should be trying to do.

Controlling the urge isn’t what will stop them from bingeing or what will make the urge go away.

When you try to control it, it will usually intensify, making it harder to not binge.

But when you stop trying to control it and just let it be there, you let it exist in your body, creating discomfort, urging you to eat, without doing anything forceful with it, without trying to change how you feel with forceful thoughts, you give it an opportunity to flow through you.

I like to think of all of our feelings, urges included, like they’re moving through us.

If we don’t try to forcefully control them, they will move through us.

But a lot of the time what we try to do instead is push them away, so they push back, or we try to suppress them with food and we end up pushing them down, stopping them from moving through us.

It’s like we’re trying to push a beach ball down into the water so we don’t see it, which is exhausting and it will eventually pop up.

But what if we just let it float on top? Eventually, it will move away from you if you give it some time.

So will your urges.

But I want to be clear that although you’re not trying to control your urge or be forceful with it, you’re also not being entirely passive in this process.

I’m not saying you’re just going to ignore the urge until it goes away.

I mean, if you do and that works for you, awesome.

But for most people, most of the time, it’s very challenging to ignore.

So you are going to be present and you are going to have thoughts about the urge but you’re going to be intentional about what thoughts you’re choosing to think.

Like if that toddler is urging you, it can be hard to ignore, but if you’re being intentional about what you’re thinking about their urging, you can create a calmness within you that will stop you from fighting back or trying to control the toddler.

You can just let them urge until they’re done and if you say anything to them, you’re not trying to shut them up or silence them, you’re speaking calmly, because how you’re talking to yourself in your mind will be reflected in how you speak out loud.

And chances are, you’ll get what you’re wanting sooner if you’re not trying to forcefully control them.

The same will happen with your urge.

It will end. It will pass. And if you’re allowing it to happen, are speaking calmly to yourself, are taking deep breaths, are doing everything you can to calm yourself while that urge is there, you’re giving your urge time to move.

You’re not stopping it, you’re letting it go.

So if you are someone who has been trying to control your urges, try allowing them to move.

Be patient with their speed.

Be patient with yourself.

Breathe.

Choose to feel how you feel instead of trying to change it quickly.

And as you notice yourself feeling calmer even while you’re still feeling that urge, tell yourself why you’re not going to binge. Tell yourself why bingeing is not an option and why you don’t want to do it.

Just like when that toddler starts to calm down, that’s when we can get through to them more easily, when they’re not as intense in their emotions.

You’ll be able to get through to yourself more easily too, and be more rational about the decision you want to make, when you’ve let go of trying to control the urge, are focusing on calming yourself in the midst of this discomfort, and are willing to be in it for a bit.

Deep breaths and calming yourself with your self-talk are going to be way more useful than arguing with and getting mad at the urge.

Let go of trying to control, and allow the urge to happen.

You’ll be okay and it will move through you.

Give it a try.

Alright, and real quick before I go, I just want to remind you about the free training I mentioned at the beginning of this episode. If you want to attend live or watch the recording, go to coachkir.com/training to register and I’ll see you soon.

Alright, bye bye.