Ep #205: Binge Eating Success Story – Jaci

Hi! I have another super awesome binge eating success story coming for you!

I just love sharing these so much, I think it’s so helpful for you to hear examples of what’s possible to help you build belief in yourself, and the last time Jaci and I spoke while she was working with me in my program, I knew I wanted to have her come on the podcast.

So here we are, about two months later, talking about all the things.

Not only is she an inspiration but she’s also such a joy to talk to so I really enjoyed this conversation so much, which you’ll probably be able to tell.

So without further ado, here’s Jaci!

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Kirstin:

Hello, Jaci, thank you for joining me on the podcast. How are you?

Jaci:

I am so good. You can’t even imagine I can’t put a word to it. That’s how good I am.

Kirstin:

That’s amazing to hear. I’m so excited to talk about your story and what your past looks like, what your recent history looks like and what your future and present are looking like. This is so exciting. So tell everybody a little bit about yourself, your background with your eating and food and your weight. Just all the things.

Jaci:

All the things. Yes. So, hi, my name is Jaci, and I’m just going to say I no longer identify as a person that binge eats.

Kirstin:

Yay.

Jaci:

Yeah. So I literally can’t remember a time that I was not preoccupied with food in some sort, whether eating, binge eating, over eating, high school maybe. I know at least by college I’ll be 37 on Sunday. And so let’s just say for the majority of my life, I was pretty much binge eating and overeating. As a cheerleader in high school, never the smallest, never the largest, but I don’t think I jumped right into binge eating until college. Because you get to those dining halls and it’s all you can eat. And I ate it all. So I gained the freshman 15 and it just kept going. This is great. Right? So any problems that I was having in my life, I could just go to the dining hall and eat everything I wanted. Right?

Kirstin:

The dining hall is where we solve our problems.

Jaci:

The dining hall is my best friend and my worst enemy. And I just got into this struggle spiral of just eating for comfort. And some people maybe knew about it, they never said anything, but I certainly knew I was doing it and hiding it. I’d say, yeah, I gained the freshman 15 and more than that. So talking about weight, I was always 130 till I wasn’t and I’m 5’2. So I hate talking about weight because 130 to one person is another person’s 180 is another person. So it doesn’t really matter, but it’s the fluctuations that matter. Right? And then all of a sudden I wasn’t 130 and I was a little bit more and a little bit more. I was binge drinking. I was binge eating. Right? And I just go on some crazy fat diet, paleo, keto, whatever it is to drop some weight, which I could do quite quickly, pretty easy.

But it never stayed off because I wasn’t solving any problems. It was just a way to keep my focus on something other than binge eating, it’s if I could have this diet, then I could stick within these guidelines and I would be just fine. Well, I was just depriving myself. So I was eating what I wanted, but not really what I wanted. So I’d restrict sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly, and then I would just binge it all back because I was withholding things that I liked. So I’d been doing that for 20 years. And that’s where I started before I started this program was at the point where I was so frustrated with that, that I needed to do something else.

Kirstin:

Yeah. So it sounds like it was a combination of the two main things for you. Because sometimes it’s just one, sometimes it’s both, but for you, there was the comfort factor with the eating and then there was also the overly restricting yourself with your eating.

Jaci:

Just the cycle that you’ve talked about in planning a podcast, the binge restrict. And I didn’t even know I was in it, I just thought I was killing it. We’re doing great. We’re on this perfect little eating cycle for me. This is wonderful, I’m free. And then you just dive back deeper and it’s so hard to dig yourself out when you keep doing that.

Kirstin:

Yeah.

Jaci:

So I needed to do something different, right?

Kirstin:

Yes. So it was going on for a long time for you. And there may have been times where you were binging a lot, times where you were binging just a little bit. What do you think that was like for you?

Jaci:

Exactly that. I’d have great weeks. I’d have great months and when I say great I mean I’m really focused on my eating. I’m eating healthy things. What is my version of healthy and that would last maybe I could even get through a whole year barely and then it would just drop back off. So I’d have these beautiful months and weeks. And then my terrible two days of eating would turn into a terrible week of eating, would turn into a terrible month of eating because I couldn’t get out. There was just that cycle I was stuck in. Some days I would full out binge maybe one to two times a week, but then overeat still on most other days. And that’s because I spent the past three weeks depriving myself of the food that I wanted. So I never didn’t eat, it was always, well, I’ll just eat these perfect foods until it didn’t work for me.

Kirstin:

Until you didn’t want the perfect foods anymore. You wanted the imperfect foods.

Jaci:

Exactly. So true. So much truth. Everything you say is true in my world. So, yes.

Kirstin:

Why was this a problem for you? How was this affecting your life, all of this binging and restriction and overeating and all that?

Jaci:

In the program, I talked to you a lot about food chatter and it just preoccupied my brain. So if I wasn’t eating, I was thinking about eating or thinking about not eating or thinking about what I was going to eat next or should I eat that or shouldn’t I eat this and then I can’t focus on what I’m trying to do and further other good things in my life because I’m so focused on what the heck I’m eating, which seems so crazy. Can I make up for what I ate? Can I eat a little bit more today? Sometimes I count a calorie. Sometimes I didn’t, sometimes it mattered. Sometimes it didn’t. The meat, the not-meat, the carbs, the not-carbs. And it was just overwhelming to be thinking about that. The mental space that it takes up, takes away from my focus and my drive on accomplishing so many other things in my life.

I couldn’t focus on conversations at parties and sorry if you were at a party with me ever, and I was talking to you, I was probably thinking about food, but I just have to use all of my energy to not stop at the gas station on the way somewhere, and then not stop at the second gas station to get something just so that I wouldn’t be super hungry before the outing that there was going to be food at. Just even hearing me say this, it’s like exhausting. So trying to battle that in my life, which just, again, I’m just going in circles. Right? I don’t get anywhere because I’m constantly thinking about food. I can’t focus on my family. I can’t focus on my other goals because of just all this brain chatter about food. So I just needed to break that.

Kirstin:

So was there anything that you would hold yourself back from doing while you were in this space or were you living your life just focused on food too much?

Jaci:

I don’t know if there was something specific. I can’t remember anything that I would say, no, you can’t do that because you’re going to eat too much. Maybe if there was like a buffet party or something like that, I would maybe not go to it because I just didn’t even want to deal with it. So actually, I can remember denying a couple of restaurant invitations because I just didn’t want to have to make the decision of what to get off the menu. So it would hold me back like that.

Kirstin:

Yeah.

Jaci:

Kind of frustrating, but of course, I made up some other excuses to why I couldn’t go. So you know what I mean? It was still just me. It was all me handling myself, which I was not doing a good job.

Kirstin:

Yes. Yeah. So throughout all of this time, what were you doing to try and stop? What was your solution during that time in your mind?

Jaci:

Oh, I know, on Monday I’m done. So done Monday. Right?

Kirstin:

Deciding Monday.

Jaci:

Yeah.

Kirstin:

Just like the dining hall solves everything, Monday solves everything Monday.

Jaci:

Oh yeah, because you’re not going to stop on a Wednesday. Let’s go big on Sunday because I’m done on Monday. It was one last weekend, let’s go on. We’re starting on Monday and I can’t tell you how many times Monday came and went and then Wednesday came and went and then Friday, well, now it’s Friday. So now I can’t do that now, now I got to start over Monday again. Right? How many times do I have to do that? And then this is another good one and I’m sure, I’m not sure, but I’m guessing plenty of your listeners have done this. I’m never eating this again. So that was going to fix it. This brownie, I can’t just eat one. So I’m going eat zero and I’m never going to have it again. And that’s going to fix me. It didn’t work.

Kirstin:

Yeah. Why didn’t it work? What would happen after that?

Jaci:

Because all I did was think about the dang brownie and so for a while it was good. Okay, brownies are behind me. This is great. Oh well, there’re still cookies. There’re still donuts. There’s still candy. There’s always going to be something. It could be healthy, it doesn’t matter what food it was. Food wasn’t necessarily the problem, I could binge on nuts. It doesn’t matter. It was just eating too much food to comfort myself, which didn’t work. So I could get rid of any of the foods, all the foods and it wasn’t going to make a difference. I had to think about it differently. So all those things never worked. They never worked.

Kirstin:

Yeah. Brownies aren’t the problem for me, ice cream wasn’t the problem.

Jaci:

Nope. Nope. Ice cream is not the problem.

Kirstin:

No, it’s not. So did you believe that you would be able to stop this?

Jaci:

Before I started working with you, no. I kind of thought that well, I can just get to a point where I can sustain everything, where I am maybe not terrible. I can have a lot of okay weeks, okay days, okay months. But I’ll never be what I’m going to call succeed. I’ll never thrive. I’m just going to be stuck in this because it’s my comfort zone. It’s what I’ve done. It’s what I know. And I’m used to it. So the getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I learned that was going to have to happen. So once I started the program with you, I grew to believe because there’s no reason to not believe that I could. Right? You’ve said there’s not one good reason that you can’t stop. Tell me you have a reason and I’m going to tell you why it’s not true

Kirstin:

Yeah. Or you can tell me why it’s not true. Right?

Jaci:

Right.

Kirstin:

Because when we really stop and think about it, we can find the truth in it.

Jaci:

That’s what I was searching for.

Kirstin:

Yeah. So when you think about why you didn’t believe that you could stop binging, what was the reason?

Jaci:

I didn’t know how. I had not tried the right angle, I didn’t have the right tools. Sometimes I thought I had the right mindset, but it wasn’t, it was more in the restricting and resisting and withholding and struggling and battling. And that is what I thought I had to do is use the willpower and once I can get over that willpower hump I’ll be free and it just never worked. And I didn’t believe it would work until I went through the program and learned the tools to get me through that.

Kirstin:

Yeah. So why did you decide to sign up for coaching and the program when you did?

Jaci:

So I love the podcast. Listen to them on walks, runs, and that helped a lot. But I noticed a pattern where I would feel really great after listening to an episode and come back from a walk and energized and it would never hold. I would still dip back into the same patterns and the same frustrations. And so I never got therapy on it or I just knew that there had to be something else out there. And my God, if I can give it a shot, why not? It’s not going to hurt. I’m not going to make anything worse. I’m good at doing that by myself. I don’t need any help to make things worse. I do not need you for that. Right? So I thought, you know what? Jaci, this is it. Let’s just try it. If it doesn’t work, then you’re just back to where you were and you can try something else. But if it works, if it works, then you have the rest of your life. How is that not appealing to somebody?

Kirstin:

Yeah. It’s exactly what you said, what if it works? We get so caught up in what if it doesn’t? What if I fail again? What if I can’t do it? But what if you can?

Jaci:

You taught me that wasn’t a useful thought, right?

Kirstin:

It’s not.

Jaci:

What if I fail is not useful, it does not get me anywhere. Right?

Kirstin:

Yeah. Unless you go all the way down the rabbit hole of, well, what if I fail? Like, let’s go there. Let’s go to the worst case scenario. What’s that going to be like? Right? And then we look at it. Okay. If I fail, I’m going to feel disappointed. I’m going to feel whatever feeling you’re going to feel. Yeah.

Jaci:

Let down, frustrated. But it’s still something to work from. So not being afraid to fail.

Kirstin:

Yes. Not being afraid to feel a feeling is really what that is.

Jaci:

I know, imagine that.

Kirstin:

Yeah. Which is exactly what you learn in the program is how to feel a feeling. So if you fail, you’re going to be okay because you’re going to feel a feeling and that’s it.

Jaci:

Yep. But you don’t know that until you’re in it.

Kirstin:

Yeah.

Jaci:

You don’t even know that’s the problem until you’re in it. If that’s the problem. Right?

Kirstin:

So why do you think that you were so committed to this work? Because you showed up, you were showing up, we coached, you did not hold back. It was so awesome to watch. Why do you think that was?

Jaci:

Yeah. That first group call I think I just had to do it. I took myself off mute. Yeah, that’s me. I want to talk. I think I finally admitted to myself that the only one who can change me is me. I was always waiting for something in my life to change. Once I get this new job, once I move, once I fit into this pair of pants, throw away this pair of pants, cut my hair, then I’ll stop, that’s it then I’m done. And I was just waiting for the circumstances to change. I think that once I realized that the circumstance wasn’t the problem, I just jumped right in. I just realized that it is what it is, let’s do this. I can’t go on any longe like this. This is the work that is laid out for me. I can see a path to the end and I just have to go through it.

Kirstin:

What was your compelling reason to get through?

Jaci:

I think I’ve had a couple of different ones over the last eight months.

Kirstin:

Yeah. Which happens, sometimes they change. Sometimes some things are more important at different times.

Jaci:

I think my compelling reason at one point was so that I could be there for my family, my friends, and not be stuck in this Jaci space of frustration. So to be able to just be me and be out there and not have to hold back anything and not have to be distracted and be there for my kids at bedtime, because I’m not trying to rush through thinking about what I can eat after they go to bed, be able to go and hang out with my friends and no matter what food is on that table, it doesn’t matter because I’m not there for the food, I’m there for my friends. I’m there for just the enjoyment of being around people and being open. So I think driving towards that, because all I would just do is pull back up if I would pull back. So trying to connect with people that way and my family and my friends was motivation enough to switch things around to stay committed.

Kirstin:

And is that what it’s like for you now?

Jaci:

It’s amazing. It is. Even thinking about it last night because I knew I was going to do this this morning and I’m sitting there and I’m just enjoying bedtime and I’m not even thinking about, well, I don’t want to read the fifth book because I just want to go eat. So that’s huge. Just to be so committed to the moment, that was huge. I felt like I could never be quite committed to the moment is the best way I can describe it.

Kirstin:

I love that. I love that.

Jaci:

I love it too.

Kirstin:

So to get to this place, what do you think was the most challenging part?

Jaci:

Urges. Just sitting through urges, not getting frustrated that my brain keeps sending this signal to eat or overeat and just accepting, allowing, learning, how to process it, not using willpower and I’m still learning. I’m not completely learned. This is still a work in progress. And I even remember you said don’t wait till you’re perfect, this is a success story in itself. Right? I fought the urge because I didn’t want it to be there. I didn’t understand how I could push so hard through a run or through a workout and be exhausted and sore, but I couldn’t stop at one or two cookies or what I mean or whatever it was. So it was that allowing of the urges and knowing that this is just part of the process because literally you can’t stop binge eating if you can’t get through an urge.

I don’t know how it would work otherwise. So that was the most challenging thing for me was just accepting the fact that they’re there and allowing myself to work through them, which is urge is just a feeling, right? So it’s an urge, but it’s also a feeling. If it’s anger today, if it’s frustration, if it’s sadness, if it’s loneliness, if it’s tired, feeling my way through that was hard to learn, but it was so powerful.

Kirstin:

So do you still feel urges?

Jaci:

For sure. Yeah. I don’t feel the urge to full on walk myself in a room with as much food as I can and just eat it all at one moment. Right? It’s hard to think about that, but that’s how I felt. If I could just get this all in front of me and then even in your podcast, well, this wasn’t good. Let’s do something else. Well, this isn’t good, this didn’t do it. Right? Let’s switch to something else. And I don’t even know if people knew that I did that. It doesn’t matter. But yeah, I don’t feel that urge anymore. I feel a urge to I will have one of something. Oh maybe do you just want one more? Maybe. Okay, one more, but it’s not 10 more and then 20 more of something else and then 50 more the next day. And then it just snowballs.

So the urge to overeat or eat a little more than I’m comfortable with is still there but I have proved to myself time and time again that it never benefits me because the future Jaci, this what the heck did you just do? Now you got to sit with this. You know? And so I practiced that enough that I know that future Jaci’s going to be really disappointed with current Jaci if I eat x, y, z. So it’s not even worth it at that point because I know it’s coming. And I used to think that, oh, well, since I already ate this and I feel bad, I feel bad, I’m going to eat more to feel better, but then I feel worse. Right?

Kirstin:

Yeah.

Jaci:

So I never realized that’s exactly what I was doing. I was just thinking, oh, I blew it. But no, it was, oh, you feel terrible because you just ate all this. Well, if you feel terrible, food makes you feel pretty good for a second, eat a little more. Right? So I forgot even the initial question that you asked here, but that was me. And so yes, urges. Yes. Yes. I do still feel time to eat a little bit extra, but I have the right tools to if I want to I’ll eat a little bit more, if I don’t, then I won’t.

Kirstin:

Yes. That’s exactly what you said right there. Exactly it. Those urges to full on binge, not there anymore. No urges to overeat, yes, and that’s normal. I think that is everybody. Like who doesn’t experience that sometimes? Whether you’ve ever binged in your life or not. People that you consider to be normal eaters Experience that.

Jaci:

Right. They’re like, oh, I’m so full, this dinner was so good and then that’s it. But that would send me into a week long free for all. Whereas it doesn’t, I can have one great meal where I ate a little bit too much, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m not going to feel guilty. I’m not going to change what I’m doing the next day. It’s just a day at a time. Just keep working through it. And it feels so good to acknowledge that and to feel that.

Kirstin:

Yeah. And like you said, now you have the tools to handle those urges and make that decision in the moment, am I going to eat more in response to this urge or am I not? And there’s no right or wrong. It’s not like you have to allow every single urge and not eat.

Jaci:

Great. I can if I want to, I don’t have to if I don’t want to, but I know enough about the process that what’s going to happen if I do, what’s going to happen if I don’t, assess it and then decide what you want, do you want to wake up with a hangover?

Kirstin:

And I got to say, I’m just loving how you’re describing your decision-making process because you were Ms. indecisive when I met you.

Jaci:

What? No, I crushed every decision that I didn’t make. And that was like all of them. Christopher called me out so many times. She’s like, yeah, but you’re still not making a decision. That’s still not a decision. You’re right. You’re right.

Kirstin:

So long. So I just love listening to you. So matter of fact, so simply and this is how I make a decision.

Jaci:

Your mind’s blown. I know. I know.

Kirstin:

But that was something that you put a lot of work into about how to make decisions, which I think is a challenging thing for a lot of people, because you’re so worried about making the wrong one or you just don’t know, it doesn’t really matter. So deciding where you’re going to go out to eat. Yeah. I remember telling you, just decide, just pick one.

Jaci:

And you would also say Jaci, in the moment it was the right decision for you in the moment. So you did the best you could with the information you had, you made the right decision. You learn from it, you grow from it, you just have to make it and nobody can make it for me. I just always wanted somebody else to make it for me or just have the decision just be made. But that was going back to me, the only person that can decide is me. The only person that can change me is me. So I’m so happy.

Kirstin:

So tell me what it’s been like since the program finished for you. So it’s been a couple of months, a few months since we finished.

Jaci:

Yeah, April, May, June, like two months. So almost two months maybe.

Kirstin:

Okay. So about two months. So what’s it been like doing this on your own since we finished?

Jaci:

I would say it was a smooth transition. I was kind of worried that when the program ended, my “accountability” could end because there’s not as much discussion around it and you don’t have the videos and everything in front of you to make you motivated to do the work. But the fact that I had already worked towards it for the previous months was just a great stepping stone. And so it’s been great. I’ve had the tools because I learned them so I just had to keep building with them. And then if I slip back, then I’ll go back and think about something that we talked about or something that I learned and then use that to grow forward and not beating myself up over mistakes or feeling guilty, it’s another part of the process. So the fact that I got all the tools that I felt I needed had made that transition a lot easier than it would’ve been had I not worked the program per se. Right? So just being committed to myself has really helped.

Kirstin:

Yeah.

Jaci:

And thinking of my future self.

Kirstin:

Yeah. And I think it’s important that you’re talking about commitment, even commitment after the program has finished. Because it’s so easy to leave that container that we were in and just stop doing everything.

Jaci:

Yes.

Kirstin:

But you didn’t, you still lived as if you were there.

Jaci:

Right. I’d come so far. I’m better this month than I was last month. I was better last month than I was the month before. And so building upon that, I’ve come so far that it would be hard for me to slip back because of everything that I’ve learned because of the program. So just rolling that good snowball forward.

Kirstin:

Yes.

Jaci:

So I think it’s been okay to do this on my own because of what I’ve learned.

Kirstin:

Yes. Yes. So how do you feel about food now?

Jaci:

I love food. I eat all the food, but I don’t eat all the food. Right? Which is way different from loving it so much that I hate it. So rather than despising it because I can’t make decisions around it or I make decisions and they’re the wrong ones, I don’t feel that way anymore. I know it’s not my only way to comfort myself or excite myself or relax myself. I have other options. So it’s more of a passive part of my life rather than an active part of my life. And I mean, literally the most important thing is I eat it. If I want it, I eat it. I just don’t eat 25 of it.

There’s a stopping point, which I can recognize. I don’t think about, well, I blew it, I might as well keep going. So I don’t have that thought anymore. That was huge. So I still love it and I love that I can eat anything anytime I want. I don’t have to say no you can’t have that. So that’s been huge for me is that you’re a grown woman Jaci, you can eat it whenever you want.

Kirstin:

You have unconditional permission, which means that you can, but do you want to?

Jaci:

Or do I have to, do I have to? Do I want to? Do I need to? Maybe today, sure. Tomorrow, maybe not, I can, but I can wait for it because I know that I can have it tomorrow. There is no I can’t have it tomorrow. That just got me into such deep trouble. So letting go of that feeling was probably one of the biggest pieces that has helped me get where I am is you don’t have to eat it all today. It’ll be there tomorrow. You could have it in your house. You could go and get it tomorrow, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be today.

Kirstin:

Yes.

Jaci:

And so knowing that you can get through that, which is basically just a big urge getting through that has been huge.

Kirstin:

Yes. I love that. So how do you think your relationship with yourself has changed through this process? Because, yes, you’re changing your eating, but as you’re changing your eating so much internally is changing.

Jaci:

Yes. I have more respect for myself. I trust myself. I don’t feel like I have to hide, hide behind the food, hide from people, sneak a snack in between when I’m doing something so that nobody sees me. I know that I am who I am. I trust my decisions. I know that I’m making the decisions that will benefit me now and future me. I know I’m worthy of love and acceptance and self-love, which is the most important part. I never hated myself or hated my body, I wasn’t in that group. I’ve always been pretty strong. I never felt strong and fit and mentally healthy with everything. So that part of my relationship with myself has been a huge change, huge welcomed change that I feel so good about.

Kirstin:

Yeah. And you mentioned your body, what was your relationship with your body like then versus now?

Jaci:

I used to just think I was stuck at a certain weight and that weight would always creep up or I could take it down and then of course, it would go back up and I’d never be able to tone anything to the way that I wanted it because I would just always be battling the binge, battling the extra weight that I knew I was going to gaining back. I don’t remember caring so much about a specific number, but the fluctuations. And it’s like, how can you be down five pounds today and then you’re up seven pounds next week? And so that would be I guess my frustration. So that’s what I was batting up against is wanting to be strong and fit and feeling good about all my choices in life and binging was just holding me back from that. And now I feel so good.

Kirstin:

How do you feel about your body now?

Jaci:

I love it. I’ve literally lost probably 12 pounds since starting the program. But the biggest part of that is I wasn’t trying, I had tried so many times and you’ve said it too, you don’t go into this program wanting to lose weight, that’s just going to mess you up because I know how to lose weight. I could lose weight quite easily. That wasn’t the point, that wasn’t the problem, that’s not what needed to be fixed. So I have been able to do it without trying, which has been amazing in itself, but I love my body. I love what it can do. I love how I feel when I eat good food. I love that I can just go out and enjoy an ice cream cone with my family and not be thinking about great, now I have to worry about what I’m going to eat for the rest of the day or what I’m not going to eat for the rest of the day.

So all of that has done such a number on myself mentally and my body physically. And I just feel so good. I feel lighter physically and lighter mentally. Like the weight is off of my chest, literally.

Kirstin:

Oh my gosh. I mean, I feel like you’ve touched on this throughout, but what is your life like now compared to what it was like before?

Jaci:

It’s mentally and emotionally freer, I guess, is the best way that I can explain it. I mean, it’s not like you had asked before, is there something you wouldn’t do or you couldn’t do? I mean, if we get into the whole going to get in a bikini or something like that. Yeah maybe, but that wasn’t my primary concern. It was just being focused on my life and if I wanted to pick up a new hobby, I’m not going to pick something up because it’ll stop me from eating. Right? It’s just, no, I want to pick it up because it’s fun and I want to learn it. And then being able to play outside with my family and not worry about, well, when is dinner guys? Is it dinnertime, should we eat? Okay, well, you’re not going to eat. I’m going to go and eat something real quick because I’m hungry now, right?

Because I’m not even hungry now, I just want something to eat now. So being able to stay focused and be present on what is happening in my life at that moment is what my life is like now. So I can still do all the things, but I do them with a more pep in my step or more just a better feeling about it.

Kirstin:

Yes. Do you feel happy 100% of the time?

Jaci:

Wrong answer. No. No. I do not feel happy 100% of the time, but I feel that I know that happiness is attainable no matter where I am at that moment. So it’s the same thing with an urge. I know it’s going to go away. So even if I am feeling down or upset or tired or frustrated, I know that it’s just getting to the other side of that whether it’s in one hour, maybe it’s a whole day, maybe I need a whole day of sadness, that’s fine. I don’t have to eat my way through that day of sadness. It’s going to turn around. I can make other choices that will help me get through that day. That feeling, that emotion, whatever it is. So do I feel happy a 100% of the time? No. But do I feel happy 99%? No, just kidding. So I feel happy a lot, yes. Yes. I feel so happy and so proud. And that feeling trumps any food high that I could get, but I didn’t know that until I got to it.

Kirstin:

Yes. So what would you say to someone else who is where you were? Binging like you were off and on, weight fluctuating and doing it for as long as you did, what would you say to them?

Jaci:

So I can remember being in that position just as a podcast listener and listening to some of the success stories and listening to your stories and thinking that’s not possible, I’m sure that there’s still some type of binge eating within, right? That can happen to me, I can’t flip things around while news flash, yes, you can. Wait, am I going to mess this up? It’s simple, but it’s not easy. So telling anybody who’s having all these thoughts, should I join? Shouldn’t I join? Is this enough? Isn’t it enough? If what you’re doing is enough and you’re getting somewhere and you also know if it’s not. So I would say, if it’s not, and you think that you would be willing to go through some discomfort in order to get to the other side, it is so worth it and you are so worth it because life is too short to be balled up with all this emotional eating or whatever the reason is, your life is too short. Your days are too short. You owe this to yourself to try something new is what I would say.

Kirstin:

I love that. And even what you said about if you’re willing to go through the discomfort, some people may be like, I’m not, I’m not willing to go through that discomfort. And it’s like, well, if you don’t go through that discomfort, you’re going to be in this discomfort stuck here.

Jaci:

Exactly.

Kirstin:

Not knowing what to do, confused, feeling bad, whatever it is you’re experiencing. Yes.

Jaci:

It’s just a different type of uncomfortable. You’re uncomfortable and you just have to break through that. So being willing, being focused, and again, believing, and you don’t have to believe when you start as I did. I did not believe that I could do it until I started. So you don’t have to have that belief right now. You just have to be willing to think about things differently and be willing to feel that discomfort. For sure.

Kirstin:

Yeah. You don’t have to be in a 100% belief, but you do have to have some belief because if there was zero, you never would’ve signed up. You never would’ve even started.

Jaci:

True. True. Right.

Kirstin:

Just enough to get you going.

Jaci:

Just enough, yes. I would agree.

Kirstin:

You don’t have to fully believe 100% I can stop binging. A lot of people don’t and that’s totally fine. But just having enough that you feel hopeful, that you feel some feeling that’s going to move you forward and drive you to get the work done.

Jaci:

Yeah. Belief, I would say yes. Belief that there’s a chance that I could stop, which is good enough. Right. So maybe I didn’t believe that I could do it, but I believe there’s a chance that I could.

Kirstin:

Yes.

Jaci:

Like twice removed from being actually believing which was enough.

Kirstin:

It was enough. It was absolutely enough. So any other words of wisdom that you would like to share that you haven’t already? Anything else?

Jaci:

I think that the two biggest things was knowing… I guess we already went over this, but knowing that I can eat a piece of something and I don’t have to eat the rest, I can have a cookie and it doesn’t have to be 10 and then a whole pizza for dinner and just everything else because I blew it today. Getting rid of that guilt mindset and that restrict mindset has been monumental in the changes. I don’t have to start over tomorrow because I didn’t quit today. That was huge for me. I didn’t fall off the wagon. There is no wagon. There’s never going to be a wagon again. So those pieces and I know if I would’ve listened to myself say these things six months ago, I don’t know how I would feel about it or if I could believe it, believing, it’s one thing and then getting to that point and feeling it is another.

So you just have to believe that’s possible, that feeling is possible in order to commit to yourself in order to get through to the other side. So that was huge for me and anybody can do this if you want to, you put in the work and you’ll get to the other side. I promise you.

Kirstin:

Yes. I love it. I love it. Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing all of your insights, so much good stuff, so many good little nuggets that I’m sure the people will resonate with and relate to. You’re amazing. I’m so freaking proud of you. Be proud of yourself, please.

Jaci:

I’m so proud of myself. If it doesn’t show on my face, I don’t know how to convey it. And I do have to say, if anybody’s listening to this and you know me, feel free to come talk to me about it. It’s not a big secret obviously anymore. So I would be happy to talk to anybody about my experience. Call me, text me, see me in person. Because if you didn’t know about this part of my life, you do now, and I would be more than happy to share more of my experience with you if it will help you in your journey.

Kirstin:

Yeah. And with that, what’s it like for you to share this after not sharing it with so many people?

Jaci:

It feels really natural to talk to you, of course. Right.

Kirstin:

We’ve been talking for so long, right?

Jaci:

I’ve done so much talking to you already. It feels good. I thought I would be more nervous, but you could probably hear I think my excitement and that trumps any nerves I have or any shame I’ve had about my past. So it feels good to know that the words that are coming out of my mouth can help somebody that was in my position or is in my position. And I really enjoy helping people on their journey. So if this helps even one person, if anything, I said resonates with one person enough to sign up or turn something around that is worth any type of release of all this information, it becomes so worth it to me.

Kirstin:

Yeah, yes. I love it. Well, thank you so much for being here. You’re awesome.

Jaci:

Yes. Thank you. Bye.

Kirstin:

Bye.

—–

Yes Jaci!

She’s amazing, as I said I’m so proud of her, and I seriously have no doubt that you can achieve everything that she did with how she’s showing up differently in her life and how she’s thinking so differently.

And if you want help my help doing it, registration for the next round of The Stop Binge Eating Group Coaching Program will be opening on August 4^th of 2022. I have made some big changes to the program for this round, ones that I’m really excited about, and if you want to see what they are and get all the info about the program, head on over to coachkir.com/group.

And if you have any questions that aren’t answered there, please send an email to info@coachkir.com. And that’s c-o-a-c-h-k-i-r.com.

Alright, I hope you enjoyed hearing Jaci’s story as much as I did, I hope you’re feeling inspired and are feeling increased belief in yourself.

This is possible for you. I believe in you, Jaci believes in you. Believe in yourself.

And have a wonderful day.

Bye bye.