Ep #138: Saying “No” to Yourself

It can be hard to say no to yourself, especially when you really want something. Saying no may feel like a punishment or you may feel deprived. So when you know that saying no is what’s best for you, how do you do it?

In this episode, I’m talking about why you have a hard time saying no to yourself, why you do feel deprived when you say no, and how to say no from an empowered place so you can get what you want. When it comes to food, saying yes all the time isn’t going to end well for you. It’s time to learn how to say no.

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  • Why it’s so hard to say no to yourself
  • Why you feel deprived if you say no to yourself
  • How to say no without feeling deprived so you can get what you really want

Awesome Free Stuff!
The Stop Binge Eating Program



So, today’s episode is about saying no to yourself but, first, I want to briefly talk about you saying yes to yourself.

You deserve to have the eating habits you want to have. You deserve to not have binge eating stand in the way of you living your life the way you want to live it.

And there’s no reason why you need to binge any longer than you have been.

I’ve created Stop Binge Eating, my group coaching program, to help you stop binge eating forever by giving you everything you need to make it happen and the next round will be starting on April 7, 2021.

I’ve done this program with groups of amazing people several times, and with every round it keeps getting better and better. I add to it, I become a more experienced coach, and I figure out more ways I can help you. So I have no doubt that this April 2021 group is going to be the best program I’ve ever done.

So I encourage you to say yes to yourself, yes to your ideal eating habits, and yes to a life without binge eating and sign up to join me. Let’s do this together AND with a group of other people who binge eat who completely understand what you’re going through and will be there to support you and connect with you every step of the way.

Go to coachkir.com/group to register. The deadline is Friday March 26, 2021 at 10am ET so don’t wait. Once you register you’ll get access to the first lesson right away so you don’t have to wait until the program begins to get started on the work.

Alright, so, you’re going to say yes to yourself and finally make an investment in stopping binge eating that will result in a significant return on your investment that includes food savings when you stop wasting money on food and an improved quality of life and will provide you will all the tools you need.

So now, let’s talk about saying no to yourself when it comes to eating food.

You’ve probably tried to say no to binge eating many many times.

The urge comes and you tell yourself, “I’m not going to do it, I’m not going to do it,” and yet, you still binge.

Eventually, you become a yes.

Or maybe you spend a whole day saying no to food and by the end of the day you’re so tired of saying no that you just give in and say yes to something.

Saying no isn’t working for you some of the time, or a lot of the time and here’s why that is.

You’re stuck between yes and no and you’re not saying no in a useful way.

Part of you is a yes. Part of you wants it. A part of you sees that food as a source of pleasure and you want that pleasure.

You may also see it as a source of comfort, a way to to calm yourself down, a way to numb your feelings, or a way to stop thinking about the food.

That food is pleasure or a solution to feel better so of course you want it.

When it’s so appealing, saying no to that food is not easy.

You want it and when you tell yourself no, you may feel deprived.

Especially if you’re telling yourself you can’t have it. That “can’t” word will always cause you to feel deprived.

So, instead of saying no and feeling deprived, you say yes and eat the food.

You avoid the discomfort of feeling deprived.

You also avoid the discomfort of being in indecision.

Indecision, when you’re in limbo between yes and no, is not a fun place to be.

It’s uncomfortable to be confused, uncertain, and unsure of what to do.

That alone can cause so much inner turmoil and you get tired of it and just go for the easy resolution. Which is eating to end it all.

It’s uncomfortable to feel deprived, it’s uncomfortable to be in indecision, and it’s uncomfortable to say no to yourself when you really want to say yes.

That’s really the main issue here. You want to say yes more than you want to say no and that’s why yes wins in the end.

So if you want be able to say no to yourself and not have it be a battle and be exhausting and not feel deprived, you have to want to say no more than you want to say yes.

You want to be a person who can say no because saying yes all the time is what got you into and has kept you in binge eating.

Food is readily available to you and the option of eating presents itself several times in a day.

Say yes to it all and you’re not going to feel so great.

You know this. You know what will happen if you keep saying yes when you’re not hungry or saying yes when you’re already full. It’s not going to end well.

But you’re not thinking about the end. You’re only thinking about how good it will taste.

How it will end needs to be an intentional thought in your mind.

You have to consider your future self and what they really want you to do.

They would never tell you to overload on joy foods. That’s the last thing they want and they see a different perspective than you do.

They don’t see your discomfort of urges to be nearly as bad as what they’ll experience if you binge. They don’t see that temporary pleasure to be worth it if it’s going to end in misery.

You need to think more as your future self.

You also need to not see saying no as a punishment.

Saying no to yourself doesn’t have to be a punishment. It only is if you think of it as one.

You might think of it that way if you binged recently or you’re trying to lose weight and you tell yourself you need to not eat it or can’t eat it.

But it’s not a punishment if it’s what you really want.

If what you really want is to not binge and not eat that extra food, and you’re very clear with yourself about this, and you see that the bad part of bingeing outweighs the good, then there is no indecision and no deprivation.

It’s just no and done.

But let me give you a simple tip to help you when it comes time to say no.

You have to think about the reasons why you’re saying no.

It’s not just, “No” it’s “No because…”

Give yourself good reasons for why you are saying no.

If you wanted something and someone told you no and said, “because I said so,” you probably wouldn’t just say, “okay,” and be done with it. You’d want reasons!

If you want a food and you want it because it will taste good and feel good to eat it, you’re going to need some reasons for why you’re going to say no.

Your reasons for saying no need to outweigh the reasons for saying yes.

Just the other night I was eating dessert and my brain told me to have another serving. It said it tastes so good and wouldn’t be a big deal.

I had to then state why I wasn’t going to have another. I had decided ahead of time that I was going to have just one and I wanted to honor my decision, and having more than one wouldn’t feel good in my stomach, and it might affect my sleep which would affect my next day.

Those reasons for no were more important to me than the temporary pleasure I would have gotten from eating it.

I had my pleasure, it ended well, let’s not eat more and have it end poorly.

So know why you’re saying no.

And also know that because part of you is seeing the good in it, there might still be a bit of a back and forth about wanting it or not. That’s totally fine. But be willing to feel any discomfort that comes up as you have these competing desires or are in indecision and confusion.

I felt it as I had my little back and forth about dessert that night and it wasn’t a problem. I knew why it was there and it was okay. It’s just part of the work of saying no to yourself when something is partly appealing.

Saying no doesn’t have to leave you deprived. Saying no can be a statement of self-love and what you really want to do.

Be honest about what your true self wants to do and decide to do that.

Okay, last thing before I go. When it comes to you stopping binge eating, I highly recommend you say yes to The Stop Binge Eating program which will definitely be an act of self-love and if it’s something you’ve been considering doing, there’s never been a better time than now.

You’ve been dealing with your binge eating long enough and I have a solution for you, one that works.

I will guide you through this, you will be given a structure and processes, and if you commit to yourself and this program then you will see results.

Join me at coachkir.com/group, get the first lesson in your inbox right away, and then I’ll see you in the group on April 7, 2021.

Again, the deadline is Friday March 26th at 10am ET. Don’t miss it.

I’ll see you in there.

Say no to excess food because it’s not what you really want anyway and yes to improving yourself, reaching your goals, and to improving your health and well-being.

Bye bye.


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When you feel an urge to binge, you may think eating is your only option. But it’s not. In 3 simple steps you can get through your urges without eating and feeling empowered and proud.

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