Ep #225: Wishing You Could Eat Like Other People

Hi! Hello! Let’s jump right in and talk about the times when you wish you could eat like other people.

I think all of us who have struggled with binge eating have had this wish at one time or another.

Sometimes we think it when we’re alone and are thinking about bingeing or have just binged, and sometimes we think it while we’re with people who are eating foods we want to be eating and in amounts we want to be eating whether those amounts are large or small.

This thought about wishing I could eat like other people came up for me a lot when I was trying to lose weight too, which was most of the time during my years of bingeing.

So there was a lot of wishing because of my bingeing and wishing because of my desire to lose weight.

And although I could technically say that my wish has come true, that I can eat like other people, it wasn’t the wishing that did it for me.

It was me. I made it happen by doing the things I’ve talked with you about in the 200+ episodes of this podcast.

I didn’t just wish it into existence, I put in the work.

And you know what the wishing did?

It made me feel sad and jealous.

And I bet it’s making you feel sad and jealous too.

Notice how you feel when you think, “I wish I could just eat like other people,” or when you insert a specific person you want to eat like. Some people insert their partner into that statement. “I wish I could just eat like my husband,” or, “like my girlfriend.”

Does it feel good to think that?

For most people, it doesn’t.

And a lot of the time it doesn’t feel good because what you’re really saying is that you can’t eat like them. You want to but you can’t.

Maybe you don’t believe you will ever be able to or maybe you’re just feeling bad about thinking you can’t do it now and you want to do it now so badly.

It’s like being single and seeing other people with a partner, wishing you had someone, and feeling sad or jealous because you don’t or are thinking you won’t find someone.

So when you’re wishing you could eat like other people, are you getting down on yourself for thinking you can’t now or thinking you never will be able to?

Know what is behind your wish that’s making you feel sad or jealous because wishing itself doesn’t make you feel anything.

I could make a wish and feel good about it because I’m thinking about getting that wish and I’m believing I can have it.

I could also make a wish and feel sad or jealous because of what I described a moment ago.

So if you don’t believe you can have what you’re wishing for, we gotta work on that belief.

Why can’t you?

Why can other people have the eating habits they want but you can’t have the eating habits you want?

Well, I’m going to tell you that you can. There is no good reason why you can’t.

But if you keep telling yourself you can’t, you’re not even going to try.

And if you keep looking at your past history of failed attempts to determine if you can, then you won’t believe you can and won’t try.

And if you think there’s something wrong with you, there’s not.

You can and will figure this out.

But you gotta stop wishing and comparing and start doing.

This is something I talk about with my group members at the beginning of each program.

It can be so easy sometimes to look at someone who has what you want or is doing what you want to be doing and then feel jealous or sad because you don’t have it, aren’t doing it, or don’t think you can.

It’s the whole, “compare and despair” thing.

But you’re going to stop doing that and instead, look at those people as inspiration. You can use them to get ideas of what you want your goals to be and know what you’re working toward.

You don’t have to feel bad when you think about how other people eat, those people who you consider to be “normal eaters,” because you decide how you think about yourself when you’re thinking about how they eat.

You can spend your time thinking about how it’s not fair, or be in self-pity and jealousy, or you can be determined to get to where you want to be.

I hear people say, “It’s not fair,” all the time.

“It’s not fair that my husband gets to eat more than me and he doesn’t gain a pound.”

“It’s not fair that she can eat those foods and still stay slim.”

Now, maybe they can eat that way and stay the same weight.

But telling yourself over and over that it’s not fair isn’t doing you any good.

Again, it’s just going to make you feel bad. Maybe angry or annoyed.

And this is something that people with food sensitivities and allergies experience or those that have been encouraged to change what they eat for health reasons.

They get into the “wishing,” the “jealousy,” and the, “it’s not fair,” thinking because other people can eat foods without problems while it causes then to have negative effects.

So no matter which of these examples you fall into, here’s how you can make it better for yourself.

First, you have to acknowledge that you are capable of doing it.

You can eat like them.

You can eat less food and stop after “just one” of something.

But you’re going to have to put in some effort to make that easy for you. It’s going to be hard before it gets easy and you’re going to do the work to get there.

So instead of, “I wish I could eat like them,” you’re going to tell yourself that you will do the work and whatever it takes to eat like them.

Also, you can eat the same amount of food as the people you see eat a lot of food.

You are capable of doing that too so to say you can’t just isn’t true.

But, there will be consequences if you do.

So you can but do you want to, knowing the whole story of what will happen if you eat as much as they do?

You can, and if you do there will be consequences, so do you want to do it?

You can’t have only the beginning of the story without the ending.

And again, you can tell yourself it’s not fair that you experience consequences that they don’t but it’s just going to make you feel bad.

So I suggest you accept how it is instead.

Accept that this is how your body is and that this is how theirs is and your bodies are not supposed to be the same.

Arguing with this isn’t going to help.

Agreeing with reality will.

And the same goes for when other people eat certain foods without consequence.

Their body is different than yours and that’s okay.

Acceptance of how your body works is going to be hugely helpful when it comes to how your body responds to certain foods and amounts.

And what’s also hugely helpful is believing you are capable of having the eating habits you want to have, and you are capable.

So when it comes to how you eat, let’s stop wishing, stop thinking you can’t, and stop thinking it’s not fair.

And instead, get to work on getting what you’re wanting, tell yourself you can, and accept that things aren’t fair and aren’t supposed to be fair.

And one more quick thing about this before I go and you might already think about this and be aware of it but I can’t do this episode without saying it.

No matter who the person is, you’re probably not seeing everything they eat.

You probably don’t actually know what and how much they’re eating 100% of the time.

Even if you live with someone, you’re probably not with them when they’re eating 100% of the time.

So what you’re seeing might not be the whole picture.

It’s like with Facebook and Instagram. You’re not seeing their whole life, just highlights.

So you may wish you had the life of your Facebook friend but in reality, their life might be just like yours, maybe even less ideal for you than yours.

You don’t know.

So if you see a thin person eating lots of Joy Foods, you don’t know what they ate earlier or will eat later or what they ate in the last week or will for the rest of the week.

You might be wishing for something that isn’t even real.

Now, I know that’s not the case for everyone. Because genetics and body composition do play a part, maybe the person you wish you could eat like really does eat exactly how you think they do and they have no food or weight issues.

And that’s okay.

If that’s the case, you’ll just work on what I talked about in this episode today.

Alright, enough wishing and arguing and let’s be accepting and go make your wish come true!

Make it happen, put in the work, put in effort, be proactive.

You got this.

Bye bye.