Ep #326: Waiting Until You Reach Your Goal Weight

Hello! Many of you listening want to lose weight.

Not everyone who binge eats does, but most people who binge eat do.

And if you’re following my recommendations, you’re not focusing on losing weight until you’ve decreased greatly, or completely stopped your binge eating.

I recommend this because for most of you, what you do in order to try and lose weight actually perpetuates your binge eating.

You don’t allow yourself to eat what you want to eat, or you don’t eat when you’re hungry, so basically you’re being overly restrictive with your eating for the sake of weight loss.

And not only will this not be sustainable, and is a reason why people get to their goal and then gain all, or a good amount of the weight back, but it can also cause you to feel urges to binge.

Either you’re urging to eat a lot because you’ve been denying your body of the fuel it needs or you’re urging for all those foods you’ve been denying yourself of for so long.

So you get yourself into this cycle of being overly restrictive, bingeing on what you’ve been restricting, then being overly restrictive again, bingeing on what you’ve been restricting, and repeat, repeat, repeat.

So you need to stop with that overly restricting, let go of your diet mentality thoughts that drive the excessive restricting, heal your relationship with food and your body, and stop the binge eating before you’ll ever be able to sustainably lose weight without gaining back.

But some of you are a bit impatient and you don’t want to wait to lose weight.

You’re in a hurry. You want to get there ASAP. You want to be there now.

And one main reason why you are in such a hurry is because you don’t want to wait any longer.

And I don’t mean waiting to lose weight and waiting to get to your goal.

I mean waiting to live your life how you want to live it, waiting to accept your body, waiting to feel emotionally better, waiting to be more active, to go out more, to see friends, to eat joy foods, to buy new clothes that you feel good in.

You’ve been waiting so long for those things because you haven’t been able to lose weight and maintain your goal weight for such a long time, because of your binge eating.

And again, that’s why it’s so important that you focus on and work on your binge eating if you’re ever going to be at the weight you want to be at and stay there without a ton of effort.

And you’ve been waiting to live your life how you want to live it and waiting for all those other things because you think you have to and because of how you think and feel about your body.

And waiting until you reach your goal weight or waiting until you’re thinner to do the things you want to do and to think and feel how you want to think and feel can actually also be perpetuating your binge eating and stopping you from getting to where you want to be with your body.

That’s a big problem for some people. They end up waiting forever to live and feel how they want to because they’re waiting.

Think about this. When do you usually binge?

For many of you it’s when you’re alone and feeling uncomfortable, negative emotions.

Now, when you’re not living your ideal life and are holding yourself back from doing things because you don’t like how your body looks, and when you don’t feel good about how you look, and when you force yourself to not eat joy foods because you’re trying to lose weight, and you’re not being active, you’ll likely end up spending time alone, feeling uncomfortable negative emotions, and eating. Eating is what you aren’t waiting to do. Eating is what you are allowing yourself do to when your body is bigger than you want it to be.

And sometimes that’s coming from frustration about not losing weight, not enjoying your life, not liking how you’re feeling, feeling discouraged, feeling hopeless, and getting into the mindset of, “I’ll never lose the weight anyway so what’s the point?”

So yeah, waiting to live your life how you want to and waiting for all those things can lead to isolation and lots of uncomfortable feelings that can lead to bingeing.

So if you want to help yourself to stop binge eating, stop waiting.

Live your life how you want to live it now, accept your body as it it now, be happy now, be more active now, go out more now, see friends now, eat joy foods now, buy new clothes that you feel good in now, and anything else that you’re waiting to do.

Because you can. All of that, you can, now.

But, you might not believe that because you have some beliefs that are holding you back.

Or you might not be comfortable doing those things now because of what you’re thinking about your body now.

That is the biggest obstacle that stops people from living their lives more when their body is bigger than they want it to be.

Their thoughts about their body.

They think their body is too big, gross, fat, disgusting, unattractive, or some other negative description so they feel embarrassed or ashamed and those feeling drive them to hide and isolate.

They compare their current body to their previous, smaller body and they worry about what other people will think. They worry that people will think they let themselves go, or that they’re lazy, or that they’re out of control, or that they have no self-control, or some other judgement about them. So they feel embarrassed or ashamed about their body changing and being bigger and again, those feeling will drive hiding and isolation so they’re not showing their body to those people.

If you are using negative descriptions to describe your body, or if you’re fearing judgement from other people, you’re not going to go out and see people and do things as much as you want to.

You’re going to wait until you are smaller because you think that then, there won’t be judgement and you’ll think of your body in better ways.

And remember what can happen when you wait – isolation and uncomfortable negative emotions that can lead to bingeing. And these negative emotions can be about your body, about your life, about the other people, and when there is a lot of those emotions going on, you might give up on feeling them and just eat.

So, these thoughts about your body need to be overcome if you’re going to be more willing to do things and see people and basically let people see the size and shape of your body.

And when you overcome these thoughts, you’re going to be in a place of body neutrality and acceptance.

And you can get there now.

You don’t need to wait until you’re thinner to accept your body and think more neutrally about it.

You can be there now and it will benefit you so much if you work on being there now.

And you can be there now if you stop using such harsh, mean, negative words to describe your body.

You get to choose what words you use and those harsh, mean, negative words are causing you to feel bad and are stopping you from feeling more happiness now. You’re taking away some of your happiness by using those words and are replacing the happiness with shame and embarrassment.

You decide what words you choose to use. So stop choosing those words.

And instead, choose more neutral words. Even words like, “not that bad,” or “okay,” or “human body,” or “50 year old body that produced children,” or “decent,” or “average,” or “resilient,” or “capable,” and I could go on and on with options. And you’re going to find the option that works for you.

You’re going to find words to describe your body that you actually believe, don’t BS yourself because it won’t really help you, and you’re going to find words that don’t make you feel ashamed or embarrassed.

We’re looking for neutral.

And we’re looking for acceptance.

Acceptance meaning you’re just allowing your body to be what it is now instead of wishing it was different, comparing it to your past body sizes, getting upset about how it is now, and just agreeing with what is true in this moment.

This is your body right now. Period.

And you’re going to stop judging yourself for the size of your body.

If you’re worried about other people’s judgements about your body, it is very, very likely that what’s happening there is that you’re projecting your own judgements about yourself.

You think you let yourself go, you think you’re lazy, you think that you’re out of control, you think you have no self-control, and any other judgement you fear people will have.

So you need to work on your own judgements of yourself.

And you’ll do that by being honest about why your body is the size that it is.

And you’ll have understanding and compassion for yourself instead of judging yourself and making assumptions.

You’re not lazy, you’re not out of control, you don’t not have self control.

The truth is, you started binge eating and you didn’t know how to stop it.

You were caught up in diet mentality and diet culture and/or you didn’t know how to handle your emotions without eating food.

You didn’t have the understanding and tools you needed to stop your binge eating.

That’s it.

And when you see it that way, in factual terms, without name-calling or judging yourself, the shame and embarrassment won’t be there.

I was talking with someone recently who had put on weight and when I asked her why it happened she said, “I’ve just been having fun.” That’s it. No calling herself lazy or judging herself. She just acknowledged that she’s been eating delicious food, and enjoying it, and hadn’t put much consideration into how it would affect her weight.

So she didn’t feel shame or embarrassment. She was much more neutral.

And being in a more neutral space has since allowed her to be so much more productive with changing her eating habits than she would have been if she’d been feeling more negative about herself.

So instead of speaking harshly about your body, judging yourself, getting upset about your body, and wishing it was different, be neutral, be accepting, and be factual.

Because then, you get to feel better now, about both yourself and about your body.

You don’t need to wait until you’re thinner, you can have better thoughts and feelings now.

And you can feel more comfortable with the body size you have now.

And then your thoughts and feelings about your body won’t keep stopping you from seeing people and living the life you want to live.

You can live life more comfortably in the body size you have now.

You can also find clothes to go out in that fit your body well and that you like, even if you body is bigger.

I actually did a podcast episode on shopping for new clothes, episode #233 if you’d like to listen to it.

You might find that episode to be helpful if you’re resistant to buying new clothes.

But what I want to say on this episode today about this topic is two things.

The shame and embarrassment and judgement about having a bigger body needs to go in the same way I just talked about.

Your body is bigger than it used to be, and it is because you didn’t know how to stop binge eating, so stop judging yourself for not doing something that you didn’t know how to do, and your body is just a human body.

If you stop shaming and judging yourself for increasing the size of your body, then you’ll be more willing to just go and buy clothes that you’ll feel better in.

Acceptance is so key when you’re in a situation like this.

You don’t have to wait to be more comfortable and to look cuter. You can do it now and there are bigger clothes out there that are cute. Search for them, research, if you see someone who looks like they’re around your size and they’re wearing something cute, ask them where they got it.

But again, the acceptance of your bigger body needs to happen for you to be more willing to buy the new clothes.

And the second thing was something that came up on a group coaching call recently in The Stop Binge Eating Program.

We were coaching on this topic and the person I was coaching said they didn’t want to waste money on new clothes. And this was coming from the idea that they will lose weight and then those bigger clothes won’t fit anymore.

And what we talked about was changing the perspective about whether it would really be wasting or not. And I don’t think it would.

If you’re buying something that allows you to feel comfortable and cute, is that a waste? If you’re buying something that makes it easier for you to be willing to go out with friends and have a good time, is that a waste?

When you spend money on that new outfit, you’re not just spending that money for the clothes. You’re also spending it to feel better, to feel comfortable, to feel cute, to feel good about yourself, to have a good time, to connect with people, to get out and do something.

Even if you only wear it a few times, it was not a waste.

And honestly, you can then either sell it or donate it and it’s not being wasted.

Think about this – do you think it’s a waste to buy a wedding dress or bridesmaid dress that you’re only going to wear once? I don’t think so! You’re buying it for a purpose, and you’re totally getting your money’s worth for that purchase.

I’ve purchased a couple bridesmaid dresses, and a best man dress for my male friend’s wedding, and even though I’ve worn them all once, well, one of them I re-wore as a Halloween costume so I got two wears out of it, I didn’t feel like I wasted money at all. I didn’t just pay that money for the dress, that money also went toward me being a special part of that person’s special day, I got to feel beautiful, I got to feel glamorous even, and my purchase also influenced the bride or groom, or both, to feel happy.

So when you think you’re wasting money by buying new clothes that you might not wear forever, because you intend to eventually lose weight and have those clothes not fit anymore, consider what else you’ll be getting from buying those clothes other than just new clothes.

You don’t have to wait to feel more comfortable and cute in your clothes. Get past your judgments about your weight gain, be more accepting of the body you have now, and look for all the ways that you’ll benefit from those clothes.

Then go buy some, get cheaper stuff if you want to, and don’t let the discomfort or dislike of your current clothes stop you from going out and living the life you want to live.

And here’s another thing people wait for – being more active.

Now, this one is usually less about the judgement of how your body looks, although it can be if you’re embarrassed to do something active because you fear judgement from others. If that’s the case, work on what I’ve already been talking about in this episode.

But the reason I see come up most for people is that they believe they can’t be more active until they are thinner.

And for most people, this is actually total BS.

It’s not the size of your body that is stopping you. It’s you.

Here’s what I mean by that.

There are obviously restrictions for some people with bigger bodies. Depending on how big, moving your body in certain ways is restricted. So don’t think I’m disregarding that. That’s real.

But, for many of you, you are capable of being stronger, or having more endurance, and of being more flexible with the body size you have now.

Really hear that. You can be stronger, have more endurance, and be more flexible.

It’s not your body that is stopping you. It’s you.

It’s you not building body strength with weight bearing exercises or with weights, it’s you not building endurance by doing walking, swimming, dancing, or any kind of simple cardio activity, and it’s you not increasing your flexibility by not stretching your muscles.

I was working with a woman who was very overweight and she was building her endurance and strength by going for short walks and going to the pool. She didn’t let her body size stop her, she figured out what she could do and started doing it and worked on increasing the amount of it she was doing.

I was working with someone else who didn’t think she could keep up in a fitness class but when the instructor pushed her, she realized that she’s stronger and has more endurance than she thought she had.

And if you look around, you’ll see people who have bigger bodies doing things you have been telling yourself you can’t. Things like yoga, or running, or dancing, or hiking.

So please, stop telling yourself that you can’t be stronger, more flexible, or have more endurance just because your body is bigger.

Instead, start building it with what you can do.

You don’t have to wait until you’re thinner to do simple body weight exercises, or to lift light weights, or to walk, or to do seated cardio workouts, or to do light stretches.

And when you do these things, you’ll begin to feel better. And feeling better will lead to better behaviors, actions, and habits. And feeling better will make it easier for you to stop binge eating. And feeling better will help you to be more willing to get out and do things in your life and engage in more physical activities with people.

Do what you can do now, and build upon it.

Even if you were thinner, you’d still need to do that.

Being smaller doesn’t make you those things. You do.

And it’s not even necessarily easier if you’re thinner.

I consider myself to be on the thinner side and I have terrible endurance. Many years ago, it was excellent but I stopped doing cardio exercises as much as I was and have focused more on strength. So my strength is good, and it’s not because I’m thinner, it’s because I’ve worked at it.

And my flexibility is not what it used to be because I haven’t been working on it as much.

But my endurance, it’s not good. So if I want to improve it, which I do, then I need to start with what I can do right now, and build upon that.

Just like I’m suggesting for anyone who is bigger.

You can start small with what you can do, and as you get stronger, get more endurance, or get more flexible, you can do more, increase the intensity, increase the amount of time, incrementally increase something and you will slowly become stronger or have more endurance, or become more flexible, a little at a time.

Don’t limit yourself by telling yourself you can’t improve while your body is this size. You can improve so much more than you think, without even losing a pound.

And the last thing I want to talk about waiting for is waiting to eat how you want to eat.

It’s typical diet mentality. You can’t eat the delicious joy foods until you’ve lost your weight.

But what usually happens? Once you get to your goal, you overdo it, even binge on the foods you hadn’t been allowing yourself to eat for all that time that you were losing weight.

And for many of you, it probably happens well before you get to your goal weight.

You might think that you have to wait until you reach your goal weight before you can have freedom to eat what you want.

But if you don’t give yourself that freedom, it will likely backfire.

So give it to yourself now. Give yourself the freedom to eat the foods you want to eat now.

And just know that that doesn’t mean you’re going to eat anything and everything without consideration of your body.

You’re going to have freedom to choose to eat what you want and freedom to eat in a way that is good for your body too.

And when it comes time for you to lose weight, you’re not going to take that freedom away. You’re still going to have it.

But what will change is the eating decisions that you choose to make for yourself. What you eat and don’t eat and how much you eat will always be your choice. You are always free to do what you want to do. But what you choose to do might change. You just need to know that it’s always your choice and you’re only going to do what you genuinely want to do.

Okay, so, stop waiting to live your life, to go out, to see people, to be active, to eat what you want, and to feel better.

Do it now because you can, and ultimately it will help you to stop binge eating because you won’t be as isolated and unhappy.

Live your life as best you can now.

Alright, bye bye.