Ep #126: How to Feel Satisfied

Hi! Today I am going to be talking with you about feeling satisfied.

Before I do, I gotta tell you that many times while I was preparing for this episode I couldn’t help but start singing the song “Satisfied” from Hamilton. If you don’t know it, or don’t know about Hamilton the Musical go look them both up immediately after listening to the podcast. Satisfied is my favorite song from the musical, I love it so much, and I happily sang and rapped it in my head as I prepped this episode. It’s so good! I’ve seen the show live twice because, get this you guys, I won the ticket lottery for $10 tickets that they have on their app twice! I know, I couldn’t believe it either and it’s ridiculous but it happened back when it was last in Boston. Now I’m eagerly awaiting for it to come back so I can start entering again….or maybe just buy a full price ticket because I love it so much, we’ll see.

Anyway, onto our topic!

Have you ever binged and the whole time were just waiting to feel satisfied but it never happened?

You hoped the next bite would do it, or the next one, and then you’d just be content and stop.

You might have even bought a few different foods because you didn’t know which would be satisfying hoping that one would do it.

That was my M.O. a lot of the time. Either at the grocery store or the convenience store, which were my most common binge food destinations, I’d buy a sweet thing or two and a salty thing or two. I’d anticipate that once I took a bite I’d know if it was what I wanted.

That didn’t really work out for me though, like, ever. The first thing would taste good and then either I’d finish it and not feel satisfied or get bored with it and switch to something else. The same thing would happen with the second one and I’d just keep going.

The satisfaction never came and I’d stop not because I was satisfied, and sometimes not even because the food was gone because a lot of the time I’d buy way more than my body could handle, so I’d stop because I felt way too full and had to make the firm decision that I was done. I can’t even tell you how many times I had to argue with myself about stopping because I didn’t want to, I wanted more food, but I felt ridiculously stuffed to the point of extreme discomfort and I had to make the decision to be done.

Satisfaction isn’t something that is just going to come when you’re bingeing or eating when you’re not hungry.

You can’t just wait for it. You’ve done that and it hasn’t worked.

And then you’re left wondering what will satisfy you and why you’re never satisfied.

Today, I’m going to give you some answers.

First, we’re going to look at the definition of satisfy.

Satisfy means to meet the expectations, needs, or desires of someone or something. To fulfill a desire or need.

These are both interesting to me.

First, there’s fulfilling a desire or need. If your desire or need is to eat a lot of food or to eat more of something then it’s never going to be met. How much is a lot? How much do you have to eat for you to have a satisfying binge? And if your desire is for more, then you’re never going to be satisfied with what you have. You’re not taking a moment to be satisfied with what you have, and I’ll talk more about that in a minute, because your desire is not for what you’re eating in that moment but for the next thing. But then the next thing becomes the next thing. It’s like when you keep saying you’ll start tomorrow and tomorrow never comes because each tomorrow you decide today is not the day to start. This food here is not what you want, you want the next one. You want more.

Then there’s the other part, where you’re meeting the expectations, needs, and desires of something. What is that something? That’s what you gotta get clear on here if you want to be satisfied and a lot of you don’t know.

So first of all, are we talking about feeling satisfied physically or emotionally?

A binge may begin with a desire to be physically satisfied if you are legit hungry, but most of the time that’s not the case. Be clear about that. Most of the time your desire is not to feel physically full.

So what is it? What is it that you’re expecting and desiring? What is this need you’re looking to fulfill? That’s what you need to figure out.

I know when some people start looking into this they’re looking for some deep seeded thing, something deep down or from their past or something. But don’t do that, because it’s not that complicated.

It’s really as simple as an expectation or desire to feel a certain way. You think you need to eat to do that.

You want pleasure, you want good feelings, you want more good feelings, you want comfort, and you won’t be satisfied until you’ve gotten them.

So why aren’t they coming? Where are they?

Well, one reason why is because you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating and you’re not appreciating it.

You’re not going to get pleasure from eating a food unless you taste it and savor it and enjoy it. Otherwise it’s like watching a movie while thinking about what you’re going to do after it’s over. You finish the movie, you barely watched it, you don’t even know all the goodness that was in it, and you don’t feel how you expected to feel after watching it. There’s no satisfaction because you didn’t experience it.

Pleasure doesn’t just happen because you’re eating or watching a movie, it happens when you experience the pleasure of it, the goodness of it, and because you’re thinking pleasurable thoughts about it while you’re doing it.

It don’t happen if you’re focused on the next thing, the next food, or anything except the thing that’s happening right now that you should be getting pleasure from.

Your expectation of pleasure that you want isn’t going to be satisfied if you don’t experience the food and pay attention to it.

Then here’s another thing.

As I talked about earlier in this episode, you wait to be satisfied. You think it’s just going to happen. It’s like you’re waiting for something to tell you that you’re satisfied so you’ll stop. Like a signal will appear in front of you that says, “Satisfied!” and you’ll be good.

But that’s not how it works. Because what is the answer for how much is satisfying? How much will satisfy you?

There is no answer because the destination isn’t clear. If you’re looking to feel physically satisfied then enough food until you feel full is the answer. That’s clear.

But when you’re just eating to satisfy your desire, your urge, your feelings, then how much is enough?

One bite? Two servings? An entire bag?

There is no answer. It’s just for you to decide for yourself.

People who just have a taste and feel satisfied decide that’s all they want or need.

I did that recently. My boyfriend buys these muffins that he loves and raves about them. So I of course wanted to know what all the hype was about. One night, he was eating one and I had bite, just one, and it was all I needed. I was satisfied because my intention was to taste it, to know what it tastes like, and I did and now I know. Yes it was good, it’s not something I need to ever eat again, which is very interesting to me because it taste just like the muffins I used to eat a lot in high school. It just goes to show that what we like and what we want can change. I’m not interested in those anymore.

But anyway, one bite was enough because I decided it was.

Then a few nights ago he made brownies. I didn’t want just a bite, I wanted a normal sized brownie. Would I have been satisfied by just a bite? I absolutely could have been. I could have decided a bite was enough. But I didn’t because, I wanted to sit with him and enjoy our dessert together and make an experience out of it.

There’s no answer to how much brownie is enough, not for me and not for you. Or how much muffin is enough. It’s just a decision we make.

What’s most important was that after eating that square of brownie I didn’t tell myself it wasn’t satisfying or wasn’t enough. I didn’t tell myself I wanted more. I told myself it was perfect, exactly what I wanted, and satisfying. And I believed it because I experienced that brownie, I spent time with it, I tasted it, I didn’t ignore it, I didn’t just shove it down thinking about the next bite, and I didn’t eat it thinking it wouldn’t be enough.

So I was happy with the pleasure I got and I was able to let it be what it was and move on.

I decided I was satisfied. My desire for pleasure from a brownie was satisfied because I decided it was.

My desire to try his muffin was satisfied after only one bite because I decided it was.

So when you’re deciding you’re not satisfied, ask yourself why you aren’t and how much would be satisfying.

I’ve had people tell me before that they can never get enough and they’re never satisfied and that way of thinking is a problem.

Each bite could be satisfying on it’s own.

But what sometimes happens when you binge is that you don’t find the first bite to be satisfying so you go to the next one thinking it will be. But why would it? It’s the same food. It’s not going to magically get better.

Here’s what you need to know about feeling satisfied.

Satisfaction is caused by your thoughts, not by food. You could be full and not satisfied because you’re telling yourself you’re not. You could eat all the food in your house and not be satisfied if you’re telling yourself you’re not.

Or you could be satisfied after one meal, one serving, one bite if you decide it was enough, if you purposefully taste and enjoy eating the food, and if you allow yourself to let the pleasure of the food go. The pleasure of eating is done, it’s over, be happy with it and go do something else.

Don’t sit around waiting for food to make you feel something, it’s not going to happen.

Food doesn’t cause feelings, you do. So the food won’t create the pleasure, the good feelings, the satisfaction, the comfort, only you can.

So, when you’re not feeling satisfied, question what that means to you. What wasn’t satisfied specifically? And why are you choosing to think that it wasn’t satisfied? That you’re not satisfied?

It’s all up to you and how you want to think about the food you’ve eaten.

Now I know you might complicate this and be confused about how much to decide is satisfying.

But I want you to think about all the things you decide you’re satisfied with in your life. Take vacations and long weekends as an example. You have a long weekend and you’re satisfied with the extra day or two off. You have a week long vacation and you’re satisfied. You decide two weeks is perfect. Why? Why is two weeks perfect? Why is one week enough? Why is a long weekend awesome? It’s not the amount of time, it’s how you’re thinking about it. You’re deciding the amount of days is enough.

And on the other hand, if you’re complaining that it’s not enough, why isn’t it? You think you need more but maybe you wouldn’t if you just savored each day and enjoyed each day and got the most out of each day.

Don’t spend the last day of your long weekend or vacation complaining about how it’s over and thinking it wasn’t enough and dreading the next day back to work. Just like you shouldn’t complain about your last bite being your last bite, dreading the pleasure ending, and thinking it’s not enough.

Savor that last bite and get the most out of it.

You just decide how many vacation days will be satisfying and you decide how much food will be satisfying.

Pick an amount and choose to be satisfied.

Have an amazingly satisfying week and I’ll talk to you next time.

Bye bye!