Ep #36: Building Confidence to Stop Binge Eating

Hey! How’s it going? How have you been? Have you been putting in to practice what you’ve been learning on this podcast? If so, are you feeling more confident in your ability to stop binge eating? Are you feeling super confident? Or not at all?

If right now you’re lacking confidence in your ability to stop binge eating then it may seem impossible that you could ever feel confident in your eating abilities.

You might think it’s never going to happen and you’re destined to binge forever and since you’ve never been able to stop bingeing in the past then you won’t ever be able to.

You probably think all this because you haven’t done it yet, you haven’t proven you can stop binge eating forever, and you’ve been focusing too much on all the things you haven’t done, all the times you failed, instead of what you have done and the times you’ve had success.

I had a client recently who had the best week ever. She did so well and we were both super excited about how far she’d come. But then the next week we had our session and she had binged. She told me her confidence level the previous week was a 9 out of 10 and now it’s more like a 7.

How did that happen?

In the level 9 week she believed she was capable and was seeing herself doing the work and focusing on her successes. Then the next week she had a couple slip ups, focused on those and all the other slip ups she’s ever had in her life as long as she’s been binge eating, and started believing she is less capable.

It’s like the previous week didn’t mean as much any more, that the accomplishments she made before didn’t matter as much.

When it comes to building confidence, every little bit you do matters, every little win matters. But you have to believe they matter and not just brush them off like they weren’t a big deal or pile all your losses on top of them so you can’t even see them anymore because then you feel inadequate and incapable so you give up. You make the biggest mistake of all.

Then your confidence is out the window.

Confidence is built and the toughest part about building it is that you have to take action before you ever even feel confident.

You can’t wait to feel confident that what you’re going to do will work, otherwise, you’ll never do the work because in order to feel confident to begin with, you have to show you’re capable.

But how do you show you’re capable?

Well, you do the scary and hard stuff. You commit to what you’re going to do and you do it even though you might be terrified to do it.

Let’s look at two different scenarios.

In one, you’re not fully committed to doing scary hard things. If you’re afraid to feel feelings and feel urges and you let that fear stop you from feeling them all the way through, then you’re not going to create any evidence that you can do it and therefore not build confidence in your abilities.

In the other, if you commit to doing anything that’s hard or scary no matter what and you succeed even a few times, then you show you’re capable, even just those few times, and that will bring you some confidence. But again, you have to believe that those few times matter.

I see these play out all the time when I talk with people who are considering working with me. Some are too afraid of committing because they don’t believe in themselves because they have been so unsuccessful in the past. So instead of working through that fear and actually trying something new that just might get them to the other side, they stay where they are.

While there are others who have a hard time believing that they will be able to change yet they still sign up anyway because they’re willing to take a chance on themselves and be brave and take small steps and fail and learn from their failures and try again and again. Then as they do this, their confidence grows more and more. The more committed and courageous they are, the more they see what they’re capable of, then the more confident they feel.

That’s how it works.

Confidence isn’t something you just have or don’t, it’s something you create. It’s easier for some for sure, but it’s available to all. Right now, if you’re not feeling confident, then it’s not that you’re not a confident person, but that you’re not creating it right now.

Instead, you’re doubting yourself, questioning your abilities, or second guessing whether you should even bother doing the work and then not following through on the actions you need to take.

You have to have some belief in yourself that you can do hard things and persevere.

Confidence is built by overcoming obstacles, by proving what you can do, and it all starts with committing to do one thing.

Pick one thing that you’ve learned so far on this podcast and commit to working on it. This means you are going to do whatever is necessary, do whatever actions or feel whatever feelings all the way to the end.

This can be a scary thing. You haven’t done it before, you have no idea what’s going to happen and it’s going to be really uncomfortable. You also don’t have any proof that it will work for you even though it’s worked for so many other people.

You have to be willing to do scary things, step into the unknown, and have the courage to take action even though it’s scary. There’s a chance you’re going to fail, but you’re going to try anyway. There’s a chance it’s going to be emotionally painful, but you’re going to try anyway.

Courage doesn’t feel good and because of this, that’s why a lot of people don’t make it past this point. They quit and go back to what’s comfortable, even if what’s comfortable isn’t what they want and I’m talking about the comfort of just doing what you’ve been doing, binge eating instead of working on not binge eating.

Being courageous gives you a chance to learn what works and what doesn’t. If you don’t even try, you’re pretty much failing ahead of time and telling yourself that nothing will work. But how do you know that nothing will work? And how will you know if it willwork?

You take action and see what happens.

You make attempts at not giving in to binges.

Then what happens?

You succeed sometimes, you have small wins, and this is what proves you’re capable, even just a little bit.

What do these small wins look like?

You sit with your urge to binge for 5 minutes before you give in, instead of giving in right away like you usually do. You are around other people, you feel an urge to binge, and you don’t give in to it while you’re with them. You stop eating before you feel stuffed to the brim and sick. There’s an urge that you don’t give in to and successfully don’t binge one time. You feel an emotion that usually leads you to eat, and you don’t eat. You make a plan and you follow through on it.

These small successes are so easily and commonly overlooked, but if you want to prove to yourself that you’re capable you have to recognize them.

When they happen, they may seem like no big deal, but they are! Don’t forget about them or brush them aside because you’re choosing to focus on all the times that you failed. Each time you do something that you committed to doing, you build a skill. You become better. You actually get to experience what’s possible.

And this is the point where confidence comes in. You prove to yourself that you’re capable, even the slightest bit, and you’ll feel even the slightest bit of confidence. Find more proof, gain more confidence.

You’ll believe you can do it a little more. You’ll trust a little more that you can do it. You’ll be more assured that you are capable of not binge eating, of feeling urges without giving in to them, of follow through on your plans, or stopping in the midst of a binge before you physically feel terrible.

If you can do it once, you can do it again.

So, here’s the breakdown and it’s what Dan Sullivan calls the 4 C’s. You find your commitment, know what you’re going to do and be all-in, be courageous, try even though you feel scared or doubtful, prove you’re capable by finding any evidence, big or small, that shows you what you’re capable of doing, and look at what you’re capable of in order to create confidence.

This process is uncomfortable and scary but if you want confidence, you have to work for it. In order to feel confident about anything in your life that you feel confident about, especially the big accomplishments, you went through this. No matter how courageous you had to be, no matter how fearful you were, a little or a lot, you made it through.

There is something you are confident in right now. I love using driving as an example. It may have been scary to get behind the wheel for the first time, but you did it. Did you know you would be capable of doing it? No, you didn’t, not for sure, you just believed you would and you tried. And now look at you, super confident in your driving abilities. Or maybe your job. Was it uncomfortable at first? Probably. But you kept trying and learning and making mistakes and now it’s easy peasy.

It’s time to do that with your binge eating. Build confidence in just once skill that will help you to stop. Commit to it, be courageous, and prove your capability.

Then feel that confidence as you take pride in your accomplishment. There is no accomplishment too small. Each ones matters. Be proud of all of them.

Now go put all of this into action. Don’t wait, don’t let fear hold you back, set your commitment and go. Remember that you’re just one decision away….one decision away from committing, decide yes, and one decision away from doing hard and scary things, decide yes again, you will do it. Have an amazing week. Bye bye.