Ep #12: Jealousy of People Who Don’t Binge

Hi! How the heck are you? I hope you’re enjoying this beautiful fall weather and all the goodness that comes along with it. I’m obsessed with the foliage right now. If you don’t get any where you live then you need to book a vacation ASAP and check some out in real life. It’s so funny to me how I didn’t appreciate it growing up here in Massachusetts but since I went away for 13 years, now that I’m back I am lo-ving it!

Alright, now here he go. Let’s talk about people who don’t binge. What a bunch of jerks, right? Haha, I’m totally kidding. I love them and I love you.

But do you get kinda mad at them sometimes? Or jealous of them a lot of the time?

Oh boy did I used to. There were my friends who would eat anything they wanted and they’d have no problem with it. So much food and not a care in the world. It was so annoying!

Then there were those ones who ate all the foods I would binge on but wouldn’t gain any weight. They of course weren’t bingeing like I was, but they got to eat those foods I loved and not gain pound. So not fair!

And the ones who I never saw overeat, who stopped when they were full, and left food on their plate. I just didn’t understand how they could do that!

Or those who didn’t stand by the food at parties or at least keep finding themselves moseying on over to it a little too often. How were they not thinking about eating?

I wanted to be like all of them. I wanted to not focus so much on food, to eat like a quote normal person, to eat what I wanted and to never worry about whether or not I was going to binge.

Those people had no understanding of what it was like to binge eat and although that frustrated me, to not be understood, it also made me so jealous.

I’d wished I never knew what it was like to binge. To feel like food has all the power over you, to feel like you can’t stop eating once you start, and to eat until you feel like you’re physically going to burst.

So many times I thought it wasn’t fair that I had to deal with this and they didn’t.

Jealously man, it’s a B.

I’ve spent a lot of time in jealousy and it is so not a fun emotion to feel.

It comes from wanting something someone else has, that you don’t have, and you think you can’t have it.

Other people have normal eating habits, and we don’t, and we think we can’t.

We wish we could be different. That we didn’t have to struggle with this.

We think we’d be happier and life would be easier if we didn’t have bingeing in our way.

But the thing is, wishing isn’t going to change anything. Unless you have a genie of course and if you do, please send him over this way and share him with me!

All wishing does, is bring to your attention that you want something you don’t have, or that you wish your past or your current life were different, but it doesn’t drive you to take any action.

All if does is make you feel bad.

Think about the times when you’d wished you were different. Did it feel good to do that? Probably not.

We look at the people who don’t binge and compare their easy eating to our struggled eating and then we feel like crap.

You end up feeling sorry for yourself and probably drowning your sorrows in food and focusing on what you don’t have that seemingly all those other people have.

And a good thing to know, is that we all have a thing. Even if those people don’t binge, there is something else they’re struggling with.

No matter what you see, no one’s life is perfect.

Even if their facebook or instagram looks like they live the perfect life, or they present themselves in person like they do, they absolutely do not.

You may wish that your struggle wasn’t bingeing, but if it wasn’t, you’d wish that whatever your struggle was, that it wasn’t that.

So it’s time to accept that this is your thing. Embrace who you are, your current circumstances, and everything that’s happened for you.

That this is the path you were supposed to take. I’m not saying this as one of those, “your life is mapped out before you even live it” kind of things, but it’s an acceptance of what’s happened, of where you are. You know you were supposed to get to this place because you did. You can argue this, but you’re going to lose. You’re here. This is your reality. This is how it’s supposed to be.

And I promise you there is something good that will come out of this.

After struggle, comes something amazing.

Strength.

We become stronger after having gone through adversity.

I found this quote by the one and only Oprah that says, “Where there is no struggle there is no strength.” Love it.

It’s just like lifting weights. Yes it’s hard but if you want to have strong, toned muscles, you have to do the heavy lifting.

If you want to be a strong person, you have to have something to work through to build that strength.

And what’s the most amazing thing is the person you become after going through something hard.

You see things differently and handle problems differently and it’s after going through the toughest times that then life get easier to maneuver because you’ve gained new skillsets and understanding of yourself.

What I love seeing is when I work with my clients who come to me to work on their binge eating and we get to work on other parts of their lives as well. Had they not struggled with binge eating, they may have never taken the time to work on those other things too. They may not have realized how they could improve their relationships with themselves, their kids, their significant others or family members. Or what they believe about themselves when it comes to achieving goals and creating their ideal life. Because they had a struggle, they took action to become a better version of themselves.

Working on what’s hard for you helps you to gain a better understanding of yourself, it helps you evolve into a better version of yourself, and you learn how to become the person you truly want to be.

You can become one of those people who’s eating habits you admire.

They are not unicorns, they’re humans, just like you.

They have the same brain structure you do, they just use their’s differently, and you can reprogram your brain to work the same way.

I honestly never thought I’d be one of those people, but I am.

Eating the way I truly want to is not a struggle at all.

I still surprise myself sometimes when I stop eating with food left on my plate or when I genuinely don’t want to order dessert or buy junk food at the store.

There’s actually a container of ice cream in my freezer and I haven’t touched it in months. I really should just throw it away but I kinda like that it’s there and that I don’t want to eat it. It shows me how far I’ve come.

And the best thing that has come from my binge eating for me, is that is led me here, to be the coach I wish I had when I was binge eating, to help all the wonderful people that I do, including you!

It may be hard for you to see now, but on the other side of your bingeing is going to be something amazing. You’re going to become the best version of yourself ever. This is nothing to feel self-pity about.

But you have to remember that wishing you were different, that you were like other people, isn’t going to get you there. Jealously is not proactive. It holds you back.

No more wishing and hoping and thinking and praying.

Get to work. Don’t focus on those other people to feel bad about yourself. Look at them as an example of what’s possible and then make that possibility happen for you.

There is no upside to jealousy.

So when you see your friend eating the way you want to, you can either feel jealous, thinking she has what you want and you can’t have it, or you can say, “Yes, that’s what I want and that’s what I’m going to get.”

And don’t forget, they probably have their own struggle they’re dealing with and if they’re anything like I was, they’re not talking about it. I didn’t go around talking about my binge eating. People thought I was such healthy eater because that’s all they saw. Whatever is it, don’t hate on them because their struggle is not yours. There’s no struggle that is any more significant than another, and we all got ’em at one time or another.

Drop your jealousy and start taking action. If you’ve been listening to all the episodes so far, you’ve gotten some good tools and concepts to work on, and there’s many more to come.

If you have any questions about anything you’ve learned on this podcast, you can always go to the show notes page and leave a comment. Or you can just stop by to say hi! I love hearing from you guys. The page for this episode is coachkir.com/12. Or if you’d like you can just send me an email at info@coachkir.com.

I look forward to hearing from you and I’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye.