Ep #67: Goals Pt.1 – Why You’re Not Achieving Goals

Hi! Are you ready to achieve some goals?

Well then get ready for a two-part series on how to do it!

This first episode is going to focus on why you’re not achieving your goals and the next one will be how to do it.

When it comes to doing things you’re not doing, so often people want to just jump right into the how without taking the time to understand why they’re not doing it already.

So today I’m breaking it down for you. I’m going to go through the top reasons why you’re not getting to those goals you want.

Stopping binge eating is one I’m pretty sure you want to achieve!

So why haven’t you yet?

A lot of the time, people think that if they don’t have what they want then maybe they don’t want it badly enough. Wanting it badly is definitely important, and I’ll get more into that a little later, but it’s not enough to just want it.

I mean, maybe some people don’t want it bad enough, but I don’t believe that’s the problem most of the time. Most of the time when we question their amount of wanting, they do want it bad, so bad!

But just because you want something, that doesn’t mean you’re just magically going to get it.

Remember the whole “The Secret” thing from 2006? People thought they could just think about what they want and it would manifest in their lives. That wanting and putting it on a vision board would make it appear.

It would be so lovely if that’s how the world worked. We’d all have so many things, it would be amazing!

But it’s not how it works.

Wanting is only the beginning. It’s the part where you show yourself what you’re going to go after. It’s just having a goal in mind.

Then once you know what you want, you gotta go after it. You gotta work for it and put in some effort. And sometimes, that work isn’t so easy and you gotta put in a lot of effort.

You want that goal, you gotta do a lot of stuff.

So now let’s talk about why you’re doing it.

First of all, are you even setting goals? Sounds like a silly question to ask here, but a lot of people don’t and you can’t achieve a goal if you don’t have one, right?

I had a friend who I was talking about goals with once and he told me he doesn’t set goals because he doesn’t have any control over whether they would actually be attained. He believed there was too much out of his control.

I also know someone who has never set them, and he’s doing pretty well, so he doesn’t see the point in doing it.

Now, what if both of them are right. What if too much is out of their control and there isn’t a point in doing it?

Let’s explore these starting with the first one. There will most likely be things out of your control. For example, my friend is a musician and he is thinking about how he can’t control how many people show up to his shows, how many people buy his music, whether someone decides to sign him to a label or makes a distribution deal with him, all these things other people choose to do. But, he may have more control than he thinks.

Imagine if he tells 20 people that he’s having a show. How many will show up? Then imagine if he tells 100. Really raises his chances of a bigger audience, doesn’t it? And how is he selling the show? Is he saying, “hey, come to my show?” Or is he selling it like it’s going to be the most amazing, life changing show they’ve ever been to? I know which one I’d be more likely to show up to! We could say the same for how many people he tells about his album being available for purchase and how he markets it or how many labels or distributors he connects with. He’s not completely at the mercy of what other people choose to do, he can still take action to get more.

And if you think you won’t be able to stop binge eating because of the food that is around you or the people around you or because you don’t believe are in control of what you do, I’d challenge all of that. No you don’t have control over what other people do or sometimes what food is around, but you do have control over yourself and your outcomes. More than you may think.

Then there’s the other guy, who doesn’t see the point. He’s content. He’s doing well and since he has done well without setting them, then he can just keep doing well. But I’m not like him. I don’t want to just cruise on doing well, I want to be better. Not because I don’t think I’m good now, but because better is out there and I want it. I want to grow and evolve and show myself what I’m capable of and become the best version of myself that I can.

No everyone wants that, and that’s okay. But if you want to be different that you are, then you have to decide where you want to go. What do you want to be different? Who do you want to become? What is the goal behavior, the goal result, the goal you?

That’s one of the things goals do for you. They give you something to work toward. They give you an endpoint. They give you a direction to go in. They show you what you want to focus your thoughts on.

If you set your goal to stop binge eating, you know what you’re working toward. You know where you’re going. And once you know where you’re going, you can prepare to get there, make a plan, and start taking the necessary steps in that direction.

So now that you’ve decided that setting a goal is good idea, do you believe you can get there?

It’s a problem if you don’t. If you don’t believe you will stop binge eating, you’re going to feel hopeless, you’re not going to try, and what will happen if you don’t try? You don’t stop binge eating.

Your disbelief in your capabilities is making you feel down on yourself. You’re feeling defeated before you even start, or even worse, when you are on your way there but haven’t gotten there yet. Because you’re not there yet you stop believing you will be able to get there and you give up.

It’s like believing you won’t get to your destination because you’ve hit detours and traffic and you are running out of gas. Detours happen, and if you just follow along the new routes and keep going you will get where you’re going eventually. Traffic happens, you keep driving, just more slowly. And if you are running out of gas, you don’t just stop the car, you go find a place to fill it up. You don’t start thinking there’s too many obstacles and it’s taking longer than it’s supposed to and that you’ll never get there so you just stop. You believe you will and you keep going doing whatever you need to do for as long as it takes.

Which brings me to another reason why you’re not achieving your goals. You’re not fully committed.

To be committed means that you’ll do whatever it takes to get the result. It means you’re willing to try everything and that you’re fully, 100% dedicated to your result.

If you’re not fully committed, you’ ll allow other things to take priority or give up when the going gets tough. You hit an obstacle and stop trying.

You binge and so you give up trying to not binge for awhile. You eat off your plan or eat a second piece of cake so now you just throw in the towel and drop your plan and stop trying to not binge for the rest of the day.

You eat because everyone else is because that’s easier and more comfortable. An urge randomly appears and you give in to it because you think this one time won’t matter.

When you’re not fully committed, you don’t do the hard things, you make excuses and take the easy way out, which by the way, is not even a true way out. It looks like you’re getting out but you’re really staying in. You think you see a solution to escape, but it’s not really the solution at all. It’s like you’re in a house of mirrors thinking you see the quick way out but when you go for it, you just end up banging your head on the mirror. You didn’t see the real way out so clearly. You gotta go all the way through the maze, you gotta do the work to really be set free.

The people who are fully committed are the ones that don’t give in to temptations, even though it’s hard to not do it. They’re the ones who binge and then take the time to figure out why they did it, learn from it, and keep trying new things. They’re the ones who eat off their plan or eat that second piece of cake and don’t make it mean anything negative. They get back to their plan or get back to eating how they truly want to be and don’t use it as an excuse to go crazy and binge.

Here’s another reason. Your “why” isn’t compelling enough. You don’t have a strong enough reason to do it.

If you’re going to do something hard, if you’re going to go for a big goal, you have to have a really good reason why you’re going to do it or else again, like with the commitment, it’s too easy to stop.

You need to have a reason that makes not stopping binge eating not even an option. Stopping binge eating is your only option because this reason “why” that you have is way too ridiculously important for you not to do it.

Your why is your motive. It’s what gives you your motivation.

Is your health your motive? Your job? Your kids? Your happiness? Your husband? Your freedom? What is it? Whatever it is, it’s gotta be good, real good, compelling, powerfully irresistible.

Not only do you have to want it, you have to have an amazing reason to want it. What you will get from achieving this goal, from stopping binge eating, has to be something that is worth doing all the hard work for.

When I talk to people about working with me, we talk about this and it’s a pretty good indicator for me for whether they will be successful or not. The people who have reasons that are really important to them are the ones to get it done, who do commit and do the work and the ones who just kinda want it and have okay reasons to do it don’t show up or don’t invest in themselves.

You have to have a compelling reason why to create urgency and drive.

Now, how often are you thinking about your goal? All day everyday? Once a day? Whenever it just happens to pop into your head?

You can’t not think about it. If you forget about your goal then you’re not going to purposefully take action to get to it. You’re going to keep taking the actions you’ve trained yourself to take that keep you where you are instead. Your brain is not trained to go toward your goal. You have to keep reminding it that that’s where you’re going now.

If your goal is to stop binge eating, you have to think about that so you remember to make different decisions than if that wasn’t your goal.

If you didn’t have that goal you’d just eat and binge. But reminding yourself that stopping binge eating is what you want will help you second guess your decisions to eat or binge. It will help you make a different decision because if you know your goal is to not binge, and you’re thinking about that and it’s in the forefront of your mind, then you’ll be more likely to make a decision that will move you in that direction.

If you don’t remember that not binge eating is your goal then you’re not going to remember to make different decisions than you’re conditioned to make.

Alright, I have one more for you. And you have heard me say this one before and it may not surprise you. But here it is.

You’re not moving through discomfort.

When you work toward goals, there is a lot of discomfort. There is fear and doubt and confusion and uncertainty and frustration and apathy and many more possible feelings that don’t feel so great.

I can almost guarantee that with any big goal you have, at least one of those will show up…probably more than one and more than once.

And if you let them stop you, you won’t get where you want to go.

You’ve heard the expression, feel the fear and do it anyway. If you’re not achieving your goal, you’re not feeling the discomfort and doing it anyway.

You’re not feeling the urge and not bingeing anyway. You’re not feeling the doubt and trying anyway. You’re not feeling the frustration and moving forward anyway.

You’re feeling them and eating.

I think there is confusion for some people that when they feel fear, doubt, uncertainty, they make it mean they’re not doing it right, that something has gone wrong, or they shouldn’t be doing it. This is all completely false!

What it means is that you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, you’re expanding your comfort zone and doing something new and amazing that’s going to help you grow.

All of us feel discomfort when we go big and try new things.

If we take it back to how our brains are primitively wired, this happens to help keep up safe and alive. Our brains want us to be comfortable because new things could mean death. Let’s not forget that our brains were created during a time when going out into the unknown meant you could get attacked by a bear. Or you could get lost or stuck and freeze to death. But we no longer live in those times and although our brains still react the same way to fear and the others, it does not mean we should go back in the comfortable cave. We’ll survive if we face an urge or go to a party that has a lot of food or eat a piece of cake. Our brains are alarming us but it’s just mistaken. We can tell it that everything is going to be fine. We’re just trying new things and becoming better versions of ourselves.

You don’t have to run from the discomfort, you’re not gonna die. Go through it.

So let’s sum it all up. These are the reasons why you’re not achieving your goals, whether it be with binge eating or a different goal you are working toward. You may be struggling with one, or more than one, but definitely take a moment to figure out which one or ones.

You’re not setting it.

You don’t believe you can reach it.

You’re not fully committed.

Your reason for doing it isn’t compelling enough.

You’re not thinking about it enough.

You’re letting your discomfort stop you.

Now once you know which is your reason, or are your reasons, ask yourself why. Why aren’t you committed? Why aren’t you thinking about it more?

That answer will show you your work. Then get to work. Do this work before you even think about moving on to what I’m going to talk about in the next episode.

I’m going to be talking about how to achieve goals. The steps you need to take to get where you want to go…and they may not be what you think they’re going to be.

So figure out why you’re not doing it, and work on that piece so you can be ready to go, to go through the steps to achieve any goal you want.

Get to work and I’ll talk to you next time! Bye bye!