Ep #62: How to Have More Fun!

Hi! How’s it going? How’s your life? Are you having enough fun? If not, then this is the episode for you!

For so many years, my new year’s resolution was to have more fun. And as I was setting that goal, I’d think about how I’d said it the year before and throughout the previous year. I wasn’t doing it, and I couldn’t figure out why. I love fun! Why did every year end with me thinking I didn’t have enough fun in my life? Why were there so many times throughout the year that I wanted to have fun but wasn’t? Why wasn’t I having enough fun??

I wanted my life to have more fulfilling activities and I wanted to see my friends more. I wanted to try different, new things and go out and meet people and travel and hit up events in my city.

It was not only because I like those things, but also because I believed that my lack of these things contributed to my bingeing, boredom, and loneliness.

I’ve said this on here before, I love relaxing at home and watching mindless shows and also high quality shows and movies. I wanted the balance between alone time and relaxing and going out and having fun. What usually happened though, was that my life was too often leaning toward the not fun side. My alone time would turn into not fun time and my going out time would dwindle.

Eating and bingeing were my fun too much of the time. That was what I’d be motivated to get up and do. I wouldn’t call a friend to go out or invite them over, I’d go to the store, buy some food, come back home and eat it.

I thought it would be fun, and partly it was, that’s why I kept doing it, but in the end, I’d just be left there feeling unfulfilled and way too full and worse than I felt before I’d done it.

The fun was fleeting and left me with an experience that was the opposite of fun.

So why wasn’t I having more fun than I was? And why aren’t you?

Before we even go there, we have to first know what fun is.

Is it a circumstance? A thought? A feeling? An action? Or a result?

These are the pieces of the Thought Model and everything fits into it. If we want to create it, we have to know which of these it is so we can see what causes it.

When I was doing this work, it made the most sense to me to put “fun” as my action. I have fun!

So in order to create fun, I have to feel a certain feeling, since our feelings fuel our actions. The feeling could be joy, excitement, love, and there are of course others.

But what’s not going to create fun are feelings like sadness, loneliness, shame, boredom, apathy, anger, right?

So which ones are you feeling more? If its the latter, then that’s why you’re not having more fun. You can’t create it from that emotional place.

We tend to blame our circumstances for how much fun we have, but it’s not our circumstances that determine this, it’s us.

It’s how we’re feeling in the midst of those circumstances and of course what we’re thinking in them as well since it’s our thoughts that are the cause of those feelings.

We create fun, it doesn’t just happen to us.

The things we do are entirely neutral. They’re just things we’re doing. It’s once we have a thought about it that we feel either positively about it or negatively and that will determine our experience of it.

This is why two people can be at the same party with the same people, the same food, the same music, and one has fun and the other doesn’t.

It’s you, not the party that’s causing the fun and if you don’t understand this then other people’s reactions to your same circumstance can be very confusing.

One person wants to go home because they’re not having fun and the other person is like, how are you not having fun?? This is awesome!

Two people, same place, different fun. Different thoughts and feelings.

It’s really quite interesting when you take the time to notice what you think is causing your fun and see what is really causing it.

The most recent work I did on this was with drinking. I’ve always thought drinking made things more fun….but learned it doesn’t. There have definitely been times when I drink and the experience doesn’t become any more fun. When I was being coached on this I had a really eye opening experience that my coach helped me see.

One thing I used to do was every once in a while, if I was out shopping by myself for a whole day, I would think it would be fun to take myself out to dinner and have 2 or 3 beers. Then one day, I did that, and when I was on my second beer, I realized that I wasn’t having as much fun as I usually do. What the heck was the problem? Drinking equals fun so why wasn’t I having as much fun as I usually do when I’d do this?

It was because of my thinking. I wasn’t thinking anything that was creating a fun experience for me. I was just kinda blah and therefore feeling blah and that’s exactly what I experienced – blah.

There I was thinking drinking was an automatic good time and I realized it wasn’t. Sure it can help, but when I think to other times when I was drinking and not having fun it all made so much more sense.

Now let’s take a look at bingeing. Is bingeing fun?

I thought it was. It was one of the most common reasons for me for why I did it.

I thought buying the food was fun and eating it all was fun.

I didn’t think feeling awful afterward was fun at all, but I wasn’t thinking about that…or I was thinking I’d stop before I got to that point…which I almost never did when I bought a lot of food or got into the food I had at home when feeling a binge urge.

But here’s the thing, buying food isn’t fun, unless you think it’s fun. Ever dreaded going to the grocery store and felt uncomfortable while shopping? It’s all about how you think about it.

Eating a lot food isn’t fun either, unless you think it’s fun. This is one reason why people who don’t binge, don’t binge. They think eating that way sounds like a terrible idea. They think about it differently than you may.

You think bingeing will be fun. But this is most likely because you’re thinking about the first half. It’s not fun all the way through and that second half is part of it whether you like it or not.

True, really, fun experiences don’t leave you feeling regretful and ashamed when you’re done. You still feel good about what you did.

Bingeing gives you the expectation of fun but without the full follow-through.

It’s not true fun if it ends in pain.

Here’s another thing I want to share with you, that kinda blew my mind when my coach pointed it out to me.

How often do you think about not having enough fun? I used to think about it a lot.

It’s one of those things that you think will motivate you to then go and create some fun, but it actually does the opposite. What??

I know. I couldn’t see how that could be until we broke it down into the pieces of the Thought Model and I was able to understand what happens when you think that.

This is how it went for me:

I’d think I wasn’t having enough fun. So I’d feel disappointed. When I’d feel disappointed, I’d just mope around, watch tv, probably reruns so I wouldn’t have to really pay attention or think, scroll through nonsense on my phone, and really just not engage in much. These things, are not fun. Thinking I wasn’t having enough fun would just result in me not having fun.

Feeling disappointed doesn’t fuel you to go create fun, it causes you to do the opposite. It’s not a fun fueling feeling.

So, thinking about all the fun you’re not having isn’t motivating you to create more of it.

And hear that word, “create.”

Things themselves aren’t fun or boring. If they were, we’d all agree on what’s fun and boring.

Where you live and the things available for you to do aren’t boring, your thoughts about them are. And here’s what’s interesting about this. The person who thinks where they live is boring will find all the evidence to prove that and the person who thinks it’s fun will find all the evidence to prove that.

Two people in the same city or town could have completely different experiences. The one who thinks where they live is boring will say there’s nothing to do and just sit around being bored. The other will think it’s fun and go and find all the things to do and create fun for themselves.

The main difference, the fun finding person is choosing to think the things are fun. They’re making it fun. They’re finding the enjoyment in things rather than putting them down.

It really is a choice how you want to look at things you do.

Use kids as an example. They can seriously make anything fun. They can make a cardboard box be fun and they do it by thinking about how awesome it is. By thinking about what they can do with it and how creative they can be and they use their imaginations and they play.

You can do all of this too. With anything.

Your commute to work doesn’t have to be boring, it can be fun.

There was one night I was in the car with my brother and his dog and he was driving us to his house. There was nothing out of the ordinary happening, he was just telling me about his day at work and I very well could have sat there and been bored with his story, or just kinda neutral about it.

But I tried something new, inspired by my coaching session where we talked about fun.

I sat there and thought, “This is fun.”

And the most wonderful thing happened. I smiled and felt a little warm a little more energized.

Just by thinking it was fun I actually felt enjoyment in that moment and had fun.

Thoughts really do cause feelings and experiences people!

Think things are fun on purpose.

Don’t just wait for fun to happen and don’t think that fun has to come from extravagant activities or things that are out of the ordinary.

Fun can happen at any time if you want to create it.

You can have fun listening to this podcast. You can have fun laying on your couch in silence. You can have fun at work.

Because what is fun? It’s enjoyment, amusement, pleasure. Any of these can be created by you if you’re thinking the right thoughts.

Notice what you’re thinking when you’re not having fun. What’s the thought and what feeling is that thought creating for you?

I remember several years back I had a season pass to Six Flags and I went 4 times that year. Six Flags is so fun, right?? Not when you’re thinking you’re good, you’re over it, and you’ve done it all enough. That’s what I was thinking that 4^thtime. That’s why the 4^th time I went wasn’t as fun as the first 3. Not because the park had changed at all, and not because of the amount of times I’d ridden each ride, but because of how I was thinking about it.

And notice what you’re thinking when you are having fun. “This is fun, this is great, I’m loving this, this is awesome,” those are the thoughts that make it fun.

I seriously want you to try this. First see how you’re creating boring and fun in your life, what thoughts you think that create them, and then purposefully think to create fun. See what happens.

Fun can happen anytime, no special activity necessary.

All you need, is the right thoughts.

Now go have the funnest week ever!! I’ll talk to you next time, bye bye!