Do you feel like every time you feel an urge to binge it turns into a battle? You say no and the urge says yes and the fight begins.
People often tell me about their fights with their urges and I always say that if you’re fighting then you’re doing it wrong. In this episode, I’m talking about why you always seem to lose your fights with your urges and what you can do instead if you want to win.
Hi! How are you? It’s a beautiful morning here, I’m feeling good, and I’m so happy to be here talking to you and today it’s all about fighting urges.
It’s something we think we need to do. I used to do it a lot myself. We feel an urge and we gotta fight it so we can win the battle of the binge!
The urge appears, we say no binge, the urge says yes binge, and we go back and forth giving our arguments for why we’re saying no and yes and it starts to get heated and intense and eventually one of us loses the battle.
Most likely, it’s you. Most likely, the urge is going to win.
Your urges are really good at urging and convincing, it’s what they do! And you have become really good at succumbing to them. It’s what you’ve gotten really good at doing simply because you keep doing it.
So why do you keep succumbing? Why do you surrender to the urge after fighting it for so long?
Well, first of all, fighting your urges is exhausting. Fighting anything is exhausting. And when you’re exhausted, what’s the easiest thing to do? Just give in.
You don’t want to fight anymore. You’re tired of fighting. You just want it to be over and you don’t think you’re gonna win because you lose more often than not so you just surrender.
When you fight with an urge, you end up fueling it. You’re giving it the wrong kind of attention. When you get more emotionally charged, so does it. It becomes more intensified the more you fight with it.
Think about if you’re arguing with a toddler, because our urges really are seriously just like toddlers. If you get louder, what are they gonna do? The exact same thing as you. They say gimme, you say no, they say yes, you say no, they cry and scream, you raise your voice, they get louder, you yell at them, they become completely bonkers and unbearable.
So the reason why your urge is becoming unbearable is because you’re fighting with it.
When you fight it, you’re getting upset that it’s there, and because it won’t stop, and because you think you’re probably going to binge now, and you never win.
So not only are you dealing with relentless thoughts about bingeing, but you’re also causing yourself to get anxious or angry or upset while feeling the urge, which is not a good combination.
So much mental energy is being used up in non-productive ways and you need that energy to be able to keep a cool head and remember all that you’ve learned about how to not give in to urges.
Instead you’re clouding up your head and getting sucked into the fight and focusing your attention on pushing thoughts and feelings away rather than letting them be.
Fighting is never the solution when it comes to your urges.
It’s all about allowing them and it can sometimes be confusing for people to tell the difference.
So here’s the difference.
If you feel the urge getting stronger or your emotions intensifying, then you’re fighting.
If you’re eagerly waiting for the urge to go away, then you’re fighting.
If you’re cool, calm, and collected, then you’re allowing.
If you’re willing to feel the urge no matter how long it’s there, then you’re allowing.
You’re going to have thoughts running through your head no matter what and you get to decide how you want to handle them.
What’s much more useful than a fight or argument is a conversation.
So much more peaceful. So much more productive.
Listen to what your urge has to say. Then you get to say what you want to say. And this can go back and forth a few times and that’s okay, no problem, and you can be totally level-headed while you do it. No need to get all riled up, that’s not going to help the situation.
This is all about you and your response which you are in charge of. That urge will be there for however long it’s there. You can’t push it out of you. But you can respond to it however you want.
It’s just like the toddler. You can’t control how long it has tantrums for, but you can respond however you want. Do you want to argue with an irrational child? Or let her be, until she’s done?
Do you want to argue with irrational eating thoughts? Or just let them come into your brain without argument until they stop coming?
They’re coming in no matter what so what do you want to do?
You only have so much mental energy to use up in those moments so your options are to use it all up getting all emotional about what’s happening or using it to be patient.
Patience is what will give you the result you’re looking for. This is true all around really. Patience in letting an urge exist within you, patience in doing it as many times as you need to before your urges go away for good, and patience in the time it takes to lose any weight you’ve gained from your bingeing.
Patience is your best friend here. Trying to rush it all away will just cause you discouragement because it doesn’t usually happen as quickly as you’d like.
There’s a lot you’re not in control of, but there’s also a lot that you are.
Sometimes thoughts just pop into our heads and with those thoughts comes the feelings they cause. It happens and we can’t do anything about that.
But once they’re there, you have all the power to believe or not believe, to argue or to allow, to entertain the thoughts or dismiss them.
You know you’re a person who binges. You know you feel urges and cravings and desires or that you are driven to binge because of certain feelings. So prepare yourself.
Know what you’re facing. Know what the usual argument is on the urge’s side when you’re feeling those feelings. Prepare yourself for how you want to handle it. What are you going to say back? How are you going to keep your cool? Practice thinking about this scenario over and over until you feel ready to face that urge.
No fighting. Allow the urge to do what it does and when it says things to you, don’t argue with it, have a calm conversation.
Conversations are so much more productive than arguments.
One last thing before I go. Have you taken a minute to write me a review on iTunes? I see some of you have and I love you so much for it! But if you haven’t, what the heck? I already love you too but I’ll love you even more if you take a couple minutes to write something. Doesn’t have to be a whole thing, it can be short and sweet, just like the podcast!
Alright my peeps, keep your cool, remember that you’re just one decision away, and have an awesome week. Bye bye!